[Contest 1]No Need for Boredom! (Tenchi Muyo!)

[Shiroiyuki]

((Done for Desslock's Writer's Challenge. Please do not post comments in this thread; use the main Fanfic Contest thread for such things. A note to writers -- feel free to take me up on this if you dare. Please read the instructions in Desslocks post beforehand.))


It began the first week of May, when cherry blossoms smelled sweet in the afternoon breeze and space pirates could sip warm sake without a worry in the world.

Ryoko had taken to her signature perch amongst the trees branches, sprawled out comfortably beneath the dappled shade. With an appreciative sigh she collected another swig of alcohol and closed her eyes. The gentle flutter of leaves saturated her mind with laziness, and she could think of nothing better to do than drinking in the perfumed air.

The only thing missing from this scene was a certain young man – naked and eager if she had her way about it.

Her mind hungrily shifted to thoughts outside the realm of reality. A sated Tenchi capturing her eyes with his own after a night’s worth of passion. His voice a whisper in her ear. He’d been shy at first but she made quick work to relax him. And he’d been very enthusiastic, indeed, making sure she was compensated in full for being such an understanding lover. They sailed the endless sea of space, just the two of them. Free to explore every facet of love.

And now he wanted more –

Her eyes snapped open at the sound of yelling, effectively ending her idle musings.

“Ryoko!”

The young girl’s voice sobered the woman immediately, eliciting an angry growl and a spray of sake as the cup jumped out from her hand. What the hell did they want now?!

“Ryoko, lunch time!”

Only the promise of food could pacify the demon long enough to leap from her branch, several curse words and a few cheap shots at Jurai heard even after landing. Much to her disappointment Ryo-ohki was not sleeping up in the branches with her anymore. The little cabbit must have snuck off when she wasn’t looking. Rolling her eyes and brushing off her belted dress, the woman disappeared with a faint buzz.

She reappeared in front of the Masaki house, incensed and hungry. That was not a good combination.

Neither was the fact that Ayeka greeted her at the door.

“You know, Ryoko –” The woman’s high-pitched voice made quick to use the name like an insult, “– we have lunch at the same time every day.”

She folded her arms disapprovingly.

“Lord Tenchi insisted upon waiting for you to join us although you disregard everyone’s hunger by skipping out...”

“Back off, princess.”

The space pirate shot a warning glance as she moved past, careful to ensure fangs were seen. In the days after their space adventures had ebbed, small daily items of interest – like making it to meals and taking out the trash – could start World War III if not handled properly.

They were all very high strung, but Ryoko seemed to be losing the battle rapidly.

Which was why she felt it important to get away for a while. Shame no one understood that sentiment.

Sasami greeted her in her usual friendly manner as she laid another tray at the table, and Mihoshi gasped eagerly when the selection of steamed pickles and delicacies were revealed beneath a hot lid. Grandpa was engaged knee-deep in a conversation with Nobuyuki that was clearly better to avoid than participate in, and Tenchi was currently feeding carrots to the child form of Ryo-ohki.

So that’s where that little rodent went off to, Ryoko thought bitterly. Her pet had taken to ditching the woman at any chance she got and frequently ended up at arm’s length from Tenchi. To be jealous of a cabbit was a very difficult thing to digest.

It left a bad taste in one’s mouth – a taste she was certain that could only be remedied by a heavy dose of sake, taken in swift shots.

Ryoko found her seat next to Tenchi, or rather, pushed Ryo-ohki selfishly out of the way to sit next to Tenchi. She piled food onto her plate without noticing the cabbit’s pout.

“Hey! That wasn’t a very nice thing to do, Ryoko.” The man reprimanded briskly before making sure the girl was alright.

But she didn’t seem to care. Instead, Ryoko’s eye followed Ayeka as the woman took the other seat next to Tenchi.

“Tch, that figures.”

Tenchi frowned with worry, passing a dish back to the table after serving himself.

“Geez, what’s eating you today?”

“Nothing,” was the only thing she said before stabbing a fork through a pile of rice.

Truth be told, everything was wrong. The woman longed for adventure, longed to feel the steely darkness of space seep into her pores. She felt restless; abused. No one seemed to understand any of it. She didn’t even understand it half the time.

With indignant rage she noticed a certain mad scientist missing from the gathering. Surprise surprise.

“Why do I have to be here when Washu can stay in her lab?”

Several faces looked up from their meals and stared at her like she had grown two heads. Tenchi was the first one to answer, and he did so slowly as if she might not comprehend otherwise.

“Washu will eat when she’s hungry; you can’t force her out. We’ve tried, remember?”

This only caused the throbbing vein in Ryoko’s neck to pound more violently.

“Then why can’t I eat when I’m hungry and stay outside? Why do I have to be bothered at every meal?”

“I don’t know what has gotten into you lately but you have been acting so immaturely.”

“I’ve noticed this too, Lord Tenchi.” Ayeka was all too quick to confirm.

That was enough, screw this popsicle stand.

“Maybe I just don’t want to eat with you guys anymore.”

Somewhere in this Tenchi’s face had darkened in anger. He munched unhappily on a piece of fried shrimp and glared at her. What he said next wasn’t something she had anticipated on.

“Gee, Ryoko – if that’s how you feel then maybe you should stay outside.”

For a moment all the woman could do was stare. Stare and fight back tears. Ryoko hadn’t meant Tenchi at all in what she said. Or at least...she didn’t think so. Had she?

“Maybe I will then,” The space pirate answered with an upturned chin, her voice cracking. She was digging her own hole but it was hard to stop. “None of you would miss me anyway it seems.”

“Oh Ryoko don’t be upset. I’d miss you,” Sasami tried to reason.

Ayeka answered in a huff of snooty indifference.

“Perhaps she should leave, I mean – all she ever does is complain –.”

Ryoko stood, not caring that her plate had crashed to the floor.

“I don’t know how you think this is all so goddamned fun, doing nothing, pretending to be happy, but I’m sick and tired of it!”

With a quick thought she amended her position.

“Come on Ryo-ohki; let’s get out of here.”

The cabbit didn’t move. Something akin to frustrated insolence sullied her features. After a moment the woman bared her teeth and shrugged.

“Fine, be that way then!”

With temper flaring, Ryoko disappeared from the living room with a dangerous hiss of air.

“Oh my!” Mihoshi took another pickle for herself and shook her head, “She’s missing some really good food.”

“What has gotten into her?” Tenchi frowned into his bowl, ignoring the blonde. “It just isn’t like her to be so mad.”

“Oh you know how it is, Lord Tenchi,” Ayeka simpered with mock-concern, “demons are so easily prone to fits of rage. I wouldn’t worry about it. We are probably better off.”

She laughed at her own twisted image of what was to become, now that she had Tenchi all to herself, and covered her mouth with a hand politely.

“Perhaps,” Katsuhito interrupted casually, “I’ll turn in early tonight. Some tea would do an old man good.”

He stood from the table and quitted the room without another word. The gesture seemed innocent enough, but to a trained eye one might see a hidden motive stewing beneath his cloudy features.

[Leader Desslock]

Chapter 2: Bokusatsu Tenshi Washu-chan!


After the respective departures of Ryoko and Tenchi's grandfather, the rest of the meal passed uneventfully. Ryo-Ohki whined less than usual when Mihoshi took the last of the carrots, Ayeka gloated less than everyone expected at Ryoko's absence, while Mihoshi and Sasami kept the table conversation light and cheerful. Although Tenchi finished the remainder of his meal in silence, he appeared to be relaxed, listening and smiling as the conversation passed back and forth.

At the end of the meal, Tenchi and Sasami cleared the table, leaving Ayeka and Mihoshi to take in the laundry. After the dishes had been washed and put away, Tenchi bid good night to Sasami, absentmindedly watching her ascend the staircase. Once she disappeared at the top of the landing, he shook his head to clear his thoughts. There were still chores to be done. The offering box probably didn't need to be checked (visitors to the shrine had all but ceased since the day he'd accidentally released Ryoko from her cave), but the trash still needed to be taken out. Tenchi knew that if he didn't do it, Ayeka would find a way to pass the task on to Mihoshi, who'd already done it twice this week.

It was a pity that Ayeka had brought the duplicity of the Jurai Royal Court with her to Earth; he found Mihoshi's clumsy amiability far more refreshing. Tenchi wasn't sure just how that bunch had managed to raise a sweet girl like Sasami. He hadn't yet ruled out the possibility that she'd been adopted, but then again, maybe the merger with Tsunami had shielded her more from her family than anyone realized.

Then again, as Tenchi's father had noted while they were working in the garden one day, the prettiest flowers are grown in manure. Sasami and Ayeka had just come into view at the opposite end of the courtyard when his father made the comment. Tenchi thought it was a strange remark at the time, but now that he'd met the family and learned more about his father's departure from Jurai, Tenchi was pretty sure there'd been a double meaning there.

Tenchi separated the compostable trash from the recyclables (something Ayeka never did), then returned to the house. He turned off the lights and walked up the stairs to his bedroom. Normally Ryoko would be waiting to pounce on him on the upper landing, but the hallway was empty.

Ryoko must've been really upset, Tenchi thought. Ah, well. No matter. She probably just needed to rampage over the countryside for a bit. Like every house cat, she was probably feeling cooped up from being indoors so much. Once she got whatever was bothering her out of her system, she'd be pawing at the door in the morning.

A huge yawn overtook Tenchi as he slid open the door to his room. The bed was going to feel especially good this evening. He stretched his arms above his head while removing his shirt and kicking the door shut behind him in one fluid motion. He tossed his shirt in the corner and was halfway through unbuttoning his trousers when two very important observations set off the panic alarms in the back of his half-sleeping mind:

First, the light in his room was on before he'd stepped inside.

Second, and most importantly, a half-naked Washu was standing directly in front of him, drying her hair with a towel.

"Washu?" Tenchi exclaimed. "What are you? I mean... that is... and you're..." Tenchi blushed and tried very hard to look at something other than Washu. He tried not to notice the innocent white cotton panties she wore, nor the tiny crab-shaped insignia affixed to the front of the waistband. He tried not to notice the blush on her cheeks as she hastily yanked down her hair towel to cover her small breasts, which he had also tried not to notice.

"Kyaa!" screamed Washu, pulling out a heavy steel club covered with spikes that Tenchi noticed immediately, and in great detail. Excaliborg was difficult not to notice in most situations, particularly when Tenchi knew it had his name on it.

"Wait!" Tenchi pleaded, his gaze transfixed on Washu's blood-stained weapon. "I can explain! I didn't mean to--"

Whatever Tenchi meant to do was lost to posterity, as Washu's club swung down and cleaved the top from Tenchi's head. Blood sprayed across the walls, and the remainder of Tenchi's body slumped to the ground, stone dead.

Washu finished wrapping her towel around her torso, then took a deep breath while the last of the bloodlust subsided. She exhaled contentedly, then gasped in shock as she noticed the carnage before her, seemingly for the first time. "Oh, my!" she exclaimed, "Lord Tenchi!”

Washu raised her club once more and began moving it over Tenchi's corpse in a complex series of movements. Her voice lost some of the childlike shrillness she usually affected as she intoned the words of an incantation that resonated from the blood-soaked walls.

"Pi piru-piru-piru, Pi-piru-pi!"

Within moments, all traces of the previous massacre were gone. A perfectly living and unharmed Tenchi stood before her with a mixture of fear and anger on his face."

"That hurt," Tenchi said.

Washu quickly stashed her weapon and sat down on the edge of Tenchi's bed. "I'm... I'm sorry," Washu stammered. "It's just that you burst through my door and tore off your clothes while I was changing. I was afraid you were going to force yourself upon me and take away my maidenly charms."

"What--" Tenchi exclaimed before he remembered that everyone else in the house was probably asleep. Lowering his voice to an intense hiss, he continued, "This isn't your room! This is my room! It's late and I was getting undressed to go to bed. That's what normal people do. And why are you standing around half-naked in my room anyway?"

"Your grandfather tried to walk in on me while I was in the bath." Washu pouted. "I think he might be a pervert." She thought for a moment, then giggled, "Perhaps the nuts don't fall far from the tree. Anyway, I didn't want to catch a cold from walking around with wet hair in the night air, so I stepped into your room to dry off."

"I see," Tenchi said as his gaze slowly worked its way down to the point where Washu's creamy white skin disappeared underneath the soft cotton fold of her towel. "That makes sense, I suppose..."

"Doesn't it?" Washu said gleefully. Her previous pouty expression had been replaced by a smile whose brightness almost outshone the glow from the razor-sharp halo that hovered just above her head. She leaned forward even farther toward Tenchi, letting some of her adult tones seem into her voice. "I just knew you'd understand, Tenchi."

Washu's adult voice snapped Tenchi out of his trance, after which he turned around and fixed his gaze on a neutral point on the opposite wall. "Anyway," he said, embarrassed at being caught, "Now you're dry and it'd probably be best if you retired to your own room. Ryoko's already upset, and if she knew you were here, it'd only make things worse."

"She'll be fine," Washu assured him in a soothing voice. "My daughter's just upset because she's confused and doesn't know how to please you."

Tenchi felt the slightly damp sensation of Washu' towel pressing into his back as her arms encircled him from behind. The cool feel of her skin contrasted with the warmth of her breath in his ear as she added, "But I do, Tenchi."

Heavily flustered by the assault on his thoughts and senses, Tenchi whirled around to face Washu. "Now look here--" he said, pointing his finger accusingly...

...at the point where her towel had formerly been folded and wrapped around her chest. The towel had dropped unceremoniously to the floor, having been pulled open by Tenchi's gesture.

Tenchi backed away from Washu, panicked. All thoughts of modesty forgotten, she had once again retrieved Excaliborg from wherever she'd been hiding it. Her eyes glowed with wrath, and Tenchi knew that neither the Light-Hawk Wings nor a crashing Mihoshi would protect him from what was coming next. Such was his fate ever since this clubbing-to-death genius scientist and assassin had been sent by God from the future to prevent Tenchi from turning the universe into his pedophilic fantasy. He only hoped that this death would be swifter than most.

Unfortunately for Tenchi, it wasn't. Washu had put a creative spin on her bat and decapitated Tenchi, starting at his feet.

"Pi piru-piru-piru, Pi-piru-pi!"

Gathering her towel back about her chest, Washu smiled sweetly at the prone form of Tenchi lying at her feet. "Good night, Lord Tenchi. Pleasant dreams." She then stepped over his head and quietly exited the room, leaving Tenchi to collect the wits that had been sprayed all over the ceiling just a moment before.

"Good night, Little Washu," he responded. He wondered if she'd meant to flash him when she stepped over his head, then decided that some things were best not asked. Pleasant dreams indeed, he thought.

[Shiroiyuki]

Chapter 3: No Need for Explaining


For a long time Tenchi stared intently at his ceiling.

There was nothing extraordinary about it in the least bit, this ceiling, save for the fact that an hour or so ago it was home to his splattered blood. Blood, he felt it necessary to mention, that had left him right around the same time his head had.

He stared at it some more.

He stared at it just a little bit more.

He suddenly felt it staring down at him. He blinked and looked away.

Never before had the man questioned such a simple act as getting up but here he was anyway, debating with his tatami mat over the benefits of living life flat on one’s back. Sure it wouldn’t be what he’d call a fruitful existence – laying inert, staring constantly at a ceiling. Befriending those annoying little dust bunnies Ayeka never seemed to reach under his bed.

But at least he’d get to keep his head. This was apparently a very big deal to him, keeping his head.

In the end the mat won, however, leaving a nasty cramp to pray on his shoulder.

“Alright, fine. Be that way.”

He spoke to no one in particular as he labored to his feet, although oddly enough felt the ceiling might have been listening. Knowing his luck it wouldn’t have been a surprise.

He sighed and slunk over to his bed. With a skeptical eye he scanned the mattress, knowing full well that any number of weird evils could be waiting. Washu had been sitting on it before, his paranoia reminded him, perhaps she’d rigged it with another one of her booby traps.

Tenchi thought better of sleep and walked away. Maybe there’d be snacks in the kitchen or something.

Tiptoeing like a thief in his own house he made his way downstairs, eyes fixated with grim determination on the small door leading to trouble. Washu was probably busy with experiments at the moment but one couldn’t be too careful.

He passed by like molasses, if molasses had been a twenty-something Japanese man with arms spayed against the wall and a napkin tied around his head for good measure. As soon as he was safely away, he leapt through the door to the kitchen and exploded into a sigh.

Looking back at this, Tenchi should have just stayed upstairs.

“Ahh...”

He took out some leftovers and inhaled deeply, smiling like a fool in the refrigerator’s artificial light. Until now Tenchi hadn’t realized how hungry he was. After all, Ryoko’s little spectacle had cost him most of dinner.

“Tenchi?”

A little voice behind him froze the man instantly to the spot. This wasn’t good, considering he looked like a half-crazed burglar – shoulders curled upward, eyes bugged out and bloodshot, a covered plate of food flat against his nostrils....

He’d discarded the napkin some time ago, but his hair probably didn’t look any better for it.

“S-Sasami?” He didn’t turn to face her. “What are you doing up?”

“Um...I was thirsty. What are you doing up, Tenchi?”

He still wondered that himself.

“Shouldn’t you be asleep or something?” His mouth seemed to stumble out words before his mind could catch up, “You should be in bed.”

“Oh, I’ll go back to bed, don’t worry. I just need something to drink first.”

He could hear her walk closer but still didn’t dare move. On second thought, he relaxed his shoulders a bit and put the tray back into the fridge. Now he only looked half as frightening.

“Um, Tenchi –?”

He was blocking the refrigerator and the little girl obviously needed into it. The man quickly shuffled away and mumbled an apology. While Sasami was busy, he stole a glance at her and shivered.

Something that had bothered him earlier had finally clicked into place. He remembered when she had finished helping him with putting away the dishes that he couldn’t pull his eyes off of her. Something just didn’t seem right.

Now, in the faint light cast from the refrigerator, he’d solved the mystery.

“You cut your hair!”

The little girl almost spit the water she was drinking. Her eyes panicked.

“Oh no, I was hoping no one would notice.” She admitted sadly. With a little hand she unconsciously tugged at the shortened ends and sighed. “It was an accident you see; Ryo ohki and I were making lunch and I bent down to give her a carrot. I didn’t think I was so close to the stovetop...

“I managed to put the fire out – but one side was so much shorter than the other, I had to cut it!”

Tears formed at the corners of her eyes. Tenchi never felt worse.

“I knew it looked terrible!”

“Oh, Sasami – it doesn’t look bad, honest.”

She sniffed.

“Really?”

“Really,” the man nodded his approval and set her mind at ease. “I like it.”

“Thank you, Tenchi.” She considered leaving it at that but quickly added, “I saw you staring at me earlier, that’s why I was worried. I’m glad it wasn’t about my hair though.”

“Oh? Y-yeah, no worries.”

A stab of guilt hit him. In truth it was her hair that made him stare earlier, although he couldn’t put his finger on it at the time. Something just seemed off. Now that Tenchi had figured it out he’d be more careful not to stare again, lest he embarrass her. After all, she looked like an idiot.

“Goodnight, Tenchi.” The girl smiled, halfway out the door.

“’Night, Sasami.” Yikes. He firmly placed his eyes back on the tray of food. When he knew she was no longer within earshot, he released a long sigh. “Woof”

*****

Somewhere beyond the house, along the cherry lined steps of the Masaki Shrine, a woman stood holding her arms close to herself as she frowned. The gesture wasn’t from the chilly night fluttering about her, although its bite may have bothered a lesser creature had they stopped.

No, something worse was troubling her. She found herself at an impasse.

“So, you finally have stopped running I see.” A voice interrupted her private lamentation.

It seemed to issue from a dark patch of trees near her right, although no mouth rightfully accompanied. Ryoko didn’t seem surprised. With a resigned shrug, the woman greeted her stalker.

“What do you want, old man?”

Katsuhito emerged almost as quietly as he’d snuck up on her, studying the woman as one would an interesting, but disgusting, new species of bug.

“What is it that you want, Ryoko?”

He shorted their distance with a few deft steps. Her eyes remained staring at nothing.

“To be free from all of you. From all of this.”

Her voice had lost its usual edge, making her words sound more like a plea. The desperation didn’t stop there.

“I tried to leave you know. Found out,” she laughed mirthlessly, “that there’s nowhere else an ex demon space pirate can go.” Not on this planet anyway.

The memory of Ryo ohki’s betrayal flashed bitterly in her mind, making the woman’s lip curl with distaste. That little backstabber was probably at this very moment sleeping with Sasami and not sparing her a single thought.

Ryoko’s shoulders sagged somewhat.

“Is that truly what you long for, freedom?”

“Yes.”

The old man strode closer. If she’d been looking up Ryoko would have noticed his eyes glinting dangerously. As it was, however, her pointed shoes were somehow much more fascinating.

“And what would you do with freedom if you found it?”

There was something strange about his voice. It had taken on an almost...seductive quality. She shook her head. How silly. Old men can’t be seductive, that’s just disgusting.

“I’ll ask again; what do you want old man?”

He gave no response. She looked up with a sudden swell of incense.

“You followed me all the way out here, skulked around the shadows, waited for this chance, and for what? There must be some hidden motive lurking behind those stupid little glas—”

Before she could truly insult him, Katsuhito had pulled her into a fierce kiss. Only it was no longer Katsuhito who ravaged her...

“Yosho!?” The woman managed to extract a few inches of space from his heady tongue, just long enough to shake her head. “What the hell?”

Dazed, Ryoko discovered her arms wrapped tightly around his back, leg lifted wantonly about his waist. Her confusion outweighed any anger she should have felt. Although she’d never admit to such a thing, her body was reacting to his advances. She enjoyed this.

“Perhaps –” his triumph echoed in the thin night air, “– freedom comes in more forms than one realizes.”

With that, his mouth closed in on hers once more and effectively ended all discussion.