Sick Days

So, I might be flattering myself here in saying some of you may have noticed I've been gone for...five days now? No?

Well, those five days have been spent in UTTER AGONY.

It started as a random cough at work. Seriously, nose wasn't stuffy, throat wasn't sore, head didn't hurt....just random coughing every so often. A dry cough at that.

Anytime I breathed too deeply I'd just...cough. Not excessively, just cough cough and nothing. Began to notice this weight/pressure on my chest that was sort of holding me down while I breathed. Thought it was just the damn Pleurisy again, damnit.

So I stuck it out, cough cough, nothing the matter here, people, move along.

But by the end of the night, I was running a terrible fever. I mean, my vision was getting blurry. And you know how when you're running a fever you can sort of tell anyway because you begin to feel a little cold everywhere but your face, which is BURNING and making your eyes boil? Right? Well, double that. And then try to drive home at night.

I pretty much drove home by instinct and peeled myself out of the car and up the driveway. No one was home yet so I sat down and passed out.

I don't remember much after that, but I apparently was still running a fever by the time Todd got home and he helped me off the couch and into bed. Still random cough cough every time I tried to breathe deeply.

Sweat like a pig. Usually I really love this sort of weird side-effect of fevers because it means the illness has passed. I have sweat out the illness. Praise be to JEBUS!

Whatever I have is one serious ***** of a cold.

Next morning I couldn't freaking function. Seriously. Bones hurt. Joints hurt. Back hurt. Muscles...gone. Did I have muscles? Probably. But they are gone now. Little cute cough became much stronger, meaner cough. The cough that joins gangs just for the lulz. Couldn't breathe very well...dizzy...

I called off and spent most of the day in bed in agony, until at last it became too hot and I stripped and went to lay down on the couch by the window that works well.

Oh yeah, in case I haven't mentioned this previously, this place is extreme GHETTO. Like...if the worst of the sticky cigarette-filled 1970's had made love to downtown Detroit, this would be their illegitimate love child they tried to drown. Abortion survivor, this place.

Anyway, laid there suffering for the longest time. Watched TV in between feverish blackouts. My throat, at this point, was so raw that I couldn't even drink water. **** hurt. **** hurt bad.

Todd was at work and I was all alone without anything to eat or drink...so...I just sort of laid there like a shut in. Nose still wasn't stuffy thank god, otherwise I would have made my throat dry on top of everything else.

I managed to get some tomato soup down finally -- first meal of the day. Actually, I think it was my only meal that day...not sure. They sort of blend together. Still nothing as far as clear liquids went. Throat just couldn't handle that.

Anyway, day three -- even worse. You know how you're supposed to IMPROVE as days go on? Yeah, well, not so much. Even though I sweat more than I really should have, considering how dehydrated I was, I could no longer talk.

I mean, this was like opening a coffin bad. It wasn't even human, the sound coming out of me. I had the day off, thank the lord, so I didn't have to talk to anyone really, but just to know I couldn't made me all sorts of angry.

I don't like when things get taken away from me. I'm selfish and don't share well, so I was not a very pleasant person to be around. Todd lucked out and had to work again, but the angry notes I wrote to his cat -- believe you me -- were some of epic *****iness.

By this day I was so freaking dehydrated my hands were dry and burned when I moved my fingers. My body was still sore. I was still feverish. I tried to choke down a little bit of water but it just hurt like hell so F that.

My nose, funny enough, began to get stuffy. It was like I was getting progressively worse as days went by instead of better.

It was 95 degrees or something outside that day and I was so hot already that I actually passed out and was found by Todd some time later (when he came home on his break), where I called him by my sister's name and asked where mom was. Yeah...I wasn't doing very well. I don't even remember this but he swears that's what I said.

He went and set up a fan for me, *cries*, got some ice cream from his mom's place for me, and went back to work. He actually was late getting back in because he made sure I was gonna be okay. Sorry, this was like the cutest thing ever so...gonna gush for a second.

Second's over. Anyway, after about a half hour of cooling down, I was okay. I began watching this show called Say Yes to the Dress. And believe me, after about an hour of this ****, I felt sick again.

Dehydration sucks, people. Always drink water. Snotty rich *****es who pout because Daddy won't buy them the $20,000 wedding dress and have to "settle" for the $12,000 one also sucks. Makes me want to pass out bleach in school lunches.


I discovered that warm liquids didn't bother me as much as cold ones did through some trial and error. So I spent the rest of the night heating water up through the coffee maker (shut up, I'm ghetto) and enjoying the duel benefits of a warm chest (from my glass) and hydration. Sweet, sweet hydration.

Forth day I couldn't talk worth a damn still and had to call off again. That was fun. Made me repeat my name like...six times. And louder.

"Who is this?" *repeat* "WHO?" *REPEAT COUGH COUGH YOU'RE A DOUCHE COUGH* "Oh, okay, sorry to hear that. Get better!" Yeah...like you making me shout is gonna help me get better, *******. When I come back in I'll make sure to cough on you first.

Back pain still. Couldn't breathe very well, still can't. Fun times. I really hadn't eaten anything much so I finally felt hungry enough to drag my *** into the kitchen and make a sandwich.


And I got violently ill off of this sandwich. Yeah, life really does kick you when you're down. I can't even explain this one. I literally can't.

Refused to eat anything else the rest of the day until Todd forced some soup on me. Sick off of that ****, too. Seriously.

Drank some Pepto. That is nasty stuff, FYI. Had a little more soup. Seemed to be okay.

Didn't get sick again the rest of the night.

And now it's day FIVE and I'm STILL coughing and aching and not feeling good by the way. Throat is still raw and hurting. Chest is still all painful and almost feels like...my lungs are filled with fluid or something. Seriously, like a weight pressing down on me. Joints ache. Back aches. Fever is gone though. YAY!

Haven't tried eating anything today yet. Don't want to jinx it. I do have to work in a few hours so...*sigh* so much for recovering. People don't care if you aren't feeling good. They don't care, period.

I'll still be forced to bend over and pick merchandise up for lazy *****, bag their stuff because they're lazy *****, and put their bags back in their cart because THEY ARE LAZY *****. And have a good day.

It will be fun to cough on customers though. They do it all day to me, right back at you ****ers. And my coworkers can just suck it. I'm not at all impressed with them right now, either.

*sigh*

Oh, and it's my birthday tomorrow.