Trying to get the feeling again....

So, I've decided to get back into my old diet and nutrition routine again. I've finally FINALLY gotten back into exercising. Small steps, people. I also have to maintain my job so I can't push myself too hard...otherwise it's gonna be LOA all over again *sigh*.

Since my back problems started I've fallen from the healthy lifestyle I once knew and it's making me sick.

I eat whatever the hell there is in the house that's easy to grab because I don't feel like cooking. This needs to end.

Sometimes I don't even do that. Sometimes we both get lazy and he goes to get a pizza. And we freakin' eat the hell out of that pizza.



So whatever the old-man-to-be picks up (and he is NOT a fan of healthy foods, believe me. Mostly processed whatever the **** he wants to eat foods -- burritos, chicken nuggets, fast food...whatever) I eat, too.

I go shopping myself once in a great while, when I finally get paid and all the bills are paid off, and I tend to get veggies and whatnot, but **** don't last and I end up eating a ton of nasty stuff in between that I know is bad for me but I can't do anything about.

So I had a conversation with him about how terrible I feel all the time and how the food he's getting is affecting that, and he's agreed to just give me the money he would have spent so I can go shopping myself. This is probably the nicest thing he's done for me in a very, very long time.

It also happens to coincide with my getting fatter, which he apparently DOES NOT LIKE, which also means he spends less time at home and gets offended if I ask where he's going.

But that is something for a different blog.

Anyway, I've literally gained like....25-30 lbs over these long terrible months. Maybe more. I don't know, I stopped getting up on the scale because I'd start to feel suicidal. When I'd have to go in for regular checkups at the doctor's office it was murder.

It just makes me feel awful and sad to look at my body and think, ****, I used to be hot. What the ****? Like, I literally used to be small enough to fit into anything clothing wise and look good. Hell, I looked damn good, okay? Trim, lean, long....those words used to describe me. Short, pudgy, fat...those words describe me now.

Now I feel like nothing fits me and I just hate myself.

So, anyway, on to my plan:

Keep in mind this is based on a day where you'd wake up around 8am and go to bed at 10pm or later. Not much later, because sleep is good for you.

Six smaller meals a day, with time between to digest, at least eight glasses of water (which I usually do anyway, gotta love that water), and no food after 8pm. Water is fine.

Your body is not going to process the calories from whatever you eat after this time since it is settling down for the night. It just stores it as fat which I have enough of, thank you very much.


Morning meal(s) -- remember I usually split it into two smaller portions to make the six meals a day rule fit -- consisting mostly of whole grain, fruit, maybe some veggies (depends on my mood), and either yogurt (greek and unflavored, to be mixed with fresh fruit) or something equally healthy on the dairy menu. Make this your biggest meal, the most for your money. You want to get a lot of your nutrients and proteins from this meal.

I'm not much for eggs because I hate the way they taste, but I might make a hard boiled egg and eat half of it with some pepper, save the rest for later, sort of thing. It's protein and it's good for you.


My rule is if I can't fit it in my hand, then I shouldn't be eating it. Basically this means that if a portion is too damn big that it doesn't look like it would fit into my tiny hands (not that I'd actually pick some of this stuff up and test it out, that would be silly), I need to cut back to make it "fit".

Do not judge each food individually by this rule, but your plate as a whole. Does it look like you're eating too much? Hell yes? So cut back.

You really shoudn't be eating much more than a fist-sized portion of whatever your meal consists of. Drinking water to ebb that "uncontrollable" hunger helps balance you out, keeping you full and not prone to binge eating. Just an FYI to those looking to diet.

DRINK WATER.

You really don't need as much food as you think. People eat WAAAAY too much. They GORGE on food. That's not healthy. Look around you at all the obesity. That's because of their bad lifestyle choices and food selection, yes, but also because of the portion sizes they eat.

Middle two meals should focus on lean proteins, veggies, complex carbs and the like. This would usually be the time I'd eat some turkey or fish, etc. and that other half of the egg I mentioned.

Last two meals (the very last one being the lightest of all my meals) would be fruit, veggies, maybe some brown rice...maybe. If I was feeling like I needed something a little more substantial to tie me over. Nothing large or heavy though. Nothing that would weigh you down.

You want to eat like a king in the morning, a prince at noon, and a pauper at night. Sounds corny, kinda is. But completely true.

When you wake up your body needs food to start plowing on to the rest of its day. It's been through a lot at night, sans food, and you need to start rebuilding your energy levels so you can have a long, healthy, active day.

The afternoon hits and you need food as well, but you're onto that middle point where you won't need as much food as you did in the morning to sustain yourself. You want to keep your stamina up with proteins, make sure you're eating your vegetables and getting the nutrients you need.

Dinner is such a laughable notion in America. SOOOOOO many people think they need to eat a whole freakin' plate and a half (maybe more) because dinner is perceived to be the meal you sit down at and spend with your family, yada yada, yada. It's got some sort of weird social stigma around it that has been ruining this country for years and years.

Dinner, ask anyone, is your biggest meal of the day, right? You got your steaks, your potatoes and gravy, your corn on the cob...your meatloaf. Stews, pastas, pizzas... Whatever. Big meal.

This is so wrong, it makes me want to cry. Dinner is your LAST MEAL OF THE DAY, guys. You know, before you go to bed. Before your body decides that OKAY, I've had enough, thanks for feeding me today, this was fun...and...sleep. You don't need nearly -- not even half -- of the calories that most people eat at dinner time because you don't use them. Not at all.

You literally shove your body full of these wasted carbs and calories, go to bed, and they get stored as fat to use later if you ever come across a famine. Think you'll be starving tomorrow? NO. Don't make dinner your main meal. It shouldn't get the sort of shebang it gets.

Dinner is a light meal to end your day. A small frothy touch on the top of that cappuccino of life.

You did good, you kept up with your diet and stayed true to your body's needs. You get a small little send off, a little tasty fanfare, and that's it.

Heaping a giant portion of sausage and pasta onto your plate is not only unhealthy, but stupid. You think you really will be using all that tonight? Really? It's like, what, nine o'clock? And you will be so tired from dumping all this food into your system you'll sit on the couch and go to sleep in the next hour or two.

Ugh.


Sorry, think I deviated somewhere in there....

Anyways, so here is my diet plan. Not really a diet but a lifestyle revamping. I used to do this all the time, which was why I looked hot. So...yeah, I'm getting back into the swing of things.


Oh hey, if anyone wants to diet with me feel free. I know, it's almost like that annoying Jesus Freak who comes to your door selling bibles. Do you have a moment to let Jesus Christ into your life, sort of thing. I'm not trying to sell you anything. If you want to diet, this is your choice and yours alone.



But if you do, hey, join me. I'm a good workout buddy. I'm like the diet cheerleader.