Sweet Then Sour - The Pit And The Mask

It's noon on Sunday, the sermon at my church has just ended and everyone's talking to each other and enjoying the snacks laid out at the counter. My mother is worried, she does not spot me anywhere within the crowd and she goes to talk to my mentor Christopher about taking me with him down the hill to ease herself.

I am nowhere near the church because I left during the middle of the sermon of all times!

One week earlier,

Christopher and one of the pastors of the church known as Harry were talking to me about how great this sermon was going to be, particularly for me since I have yet to see Harry peform a sermon so far but since Christopher and Harry were saying of how great this was going to be, I decided to attend to see if what they promised was true.

After talking to Harry and Christopher, I walk over to Harry's son, Christian and start talking with him. We've been friends since 2005 yet we still have a lot to talk about but then again, we haven't seen each other that often during those years. He was getting straight As in school, I was getting suspension after suspension for fighting with basically everyone there, I hated middle school so damn much.

So me and Christian are talking about video game strategies and swordplay when he tells me that I should reconsider the hobbies that I have chosen. I take this as a insult at first but he says that he is referring to me taking up swordplay and martial arts. He says that I would most likely end up killing someone if I continued to hone my fighting skills while leaving my inner anger unchecked. I ask Christian how he knows of this and he says that it should be obvious by now since we've fought so much and he tells me that I fight like a demon of all things. I proceed to laugh upon hearing that but Christian tells me that he was not joking and that I should stop my training until I can contain and dissipate my inner anger. I tell him since that's coming from him, I'll look into it whenever I can and we resume talking casually after that.

1 week later,

The sermon is starting, everyone there is flocking to the room of worship, I walk in with a smile on my face while people greet me and are surprised to see me smiling but I focus myself solely on the sermon itself and absorbing every word that pastor Harry plans to say for this Sunday service. I bow my head with everyone else in the opening prayer and as I meditate, I ask myself this question, "What if they don't live up to what they promised?" My eyes open in a heartbeat upon this question. I just tell myself, "They'll live up to the promise and more, I know this.".

I could not be more wrong when I just thought that. When pastor Harry walked up to deliver the sermon, he immediately began bashing the Mormons for their beliefs and the gays for well, being gay. I found the gay bashing to be hilarious as always and I tried my best not to chuckle when Harry started to turn the bashing into a rant of sorts but that was to be expected of pastors really. Despite the comedy, I was starting to wonder what all of this has to do with my struggles and how to overcome them and I realized that Harry was just seeing us as tools to be turned and used rather than individual people who needed help with their spiritual lives. But by then, he took out a Mormon bible, read a few words out of it, and chucked it across the floor while everyone else applauded in excitement. I withheld my participation in the uproar of excitement until one of the ladies who I was sitting with at the time, grabbed my shoulder and whispered in my ear "Stand up with the rest of us, you're one of us now afterall." as I was still trying to find personal meaning within this poor excuse for a message of divine love and acceptance until my calm breaks. The woman is glad to see me stand up at first but she is confused to see me exiting the sermon room until I tell her that I just need to use the bathroom to mask what I was really intending to do later that morning.

Christopher sees me walking out of the room and proceeds to catch up to me. Just as I exit the doors and start my long walk home, I feel a strong hand tugging on my shoulder, turning me around to face my dissapointed mentor just as I am literally at the edge of the door.

"You promised, Luke."

"No, you promised."

"You promised to stay for this service."

"You promised that this was going to help me with my spiritual strife."

"It will, if you let it."

"I listened to the words and found nothing of use."

"Even when those words were related to your past?"

"I'm not gay, Christopher and I only used to be a Mormon, we both know that."

"But you did have homosexual experiences in the past and you attended Mormon services regularly back then."

"I told you, I had no idea what I was getting into since I was young and stupid at the time and the guy was 20 years older than me."

"You still are and that's still no excuse to why you're leaving so soon."

"I wasn't using that as my excuse, I just don't see what gays and Mormons have to do with my current state of spiritual affairs."

"Luke, to progress to the future, you must face your past and defeat it so that it can never haunt you again because it will if you let it."

"Thanks for the advice Chris, I'll keep that in mind."

I start to walk back in with my mentor when my mother suddenly bursts through the door and is surprised to see me and Christopher outside during this time.

"Hey Luke, what are you doing out here?"

"Not much mom, just talking to Chris right now about some stuff."

"You were planning to leave, weren't you?"

"And how would you know this mom?"

"I just figured really."

"I'll rejoin the sermon in a minute, I need to talk to Chris about something important."

"Luke, it's your choice if you want to listen or not now, you're 17 so I'm expecting you to make your own decisions, you're gonna have to sooner or later."

"Yes mom, I know."

"If you knew, I wouldn't be talking to you about this now would I?"

"Yeah haha."

"Finish your talk with Christopher now, he has stuff to attend to as well so don't take too long."

Mom was walking back into the church building and Christopher starts to go back in as well when I turn him around to tell him what has been bugging me.

"Chris, why do I need to face my past experiences?"

"It's to look upon them when you get older and hopefully learn something from them."

"What if I just choose to forget them and try to start afresh?"

"You can't do that Luke, no matter how hard you try. Look, you're going to have to come to terms with yourself by yourself sooner or later, whether you like it or not. Now let's go back to the sermon, you wouldn't want to dissapoint pastor Harry."

"I'm just tired still, can't concentrate all that much right now. I'll meet up with you guys later today, just let me get some rest."

"Oh please, don't give me that excuse again."

"Yet you have such a problem with me not staying to hear this crap."

"It's the word of the lord Luke, you should know this by now as it's rather obvious to begin with."

"The only thing that's obvious right now is that you're trying to shove this crap down my throat without hesitation."

"You know what Luke, just go. I don't want to put up with you right now and you clearly don't want to face who you were or what you did back then."

"I'll face myself when I'm ready Chris, I'll only lose if I'm forced into it without any support."

With that, I left the church and proceeded to go back home to get some rest while Chris went back to the sermon to hear Harry's message.

TO BE CONTINUED..........