Everything you never wanted to know but are gonna read about anyway.
Cat Lady Extraordinaire!
Posted April 15th, 2009 at 09:50 PM by Shiroiyuki
Updated April 15th, 2009 at 10:57 PM by Shiroiyuki
Updated April 15th, 2009 at 10:57 PM by Shiroiyuki
So today I oversaw the Kids Workshop at work. Bunch of snot-nosed kids, miniature aprons, nails, hammers, oh my!
Normally we host these nasty little germ parties on Saturday when I don't have to worry about it, but seeing as my town is so small that the only form of entertainment is getting drunk and impregnating every slutty junior high student in the area, our local preschool actually scheduled a field day to Home Depot. No joke. I remember when I was in school we’d go to fun, exotic places, like Greenfield Village. Or the zoo.
Although when I think about it we are practically our own zoo...
*ahem*
So I was forced to show up an hour early to help out because apparently I look like the type of girl who is good with children. Never mind that the last time I was actually allowed near one (without it being fenced in or restrained in one of those monkey harness things) was about two years ago when my cousins started reproducing against my good advice and released their Satan spawn into my care.
I almost didn’t make it out alive. Worst ten minutes of my life.
As a self-declared Cat Lady you can imagine the dread I felt going into this battle today. I mean, until recently I couldn’t even think about children without breaking into cold sweats and seeing double.
I used to hope that the kids on my bus (who’d lick the windows, incidentally) would spontaneously combust whenever we hit a pothole. I'd poke my head over the seats in excited anticipation every time. When I was seven I had to be convinced that women couldn’t get vasectomies. This discussion lasted several days. My dad seemed to think it was a good thing to get and I really didn’t see the downside either.
Still don't.
Anyway, the fact I had to be there wasn’t even the worst part of it all.
I...I actually found myself having a good time.
I mean, sure there was that one boy who kept running around hugging on people and eventually locked his little arms around my leg and told me he loved me. I swear I don’t even know how I got across the store so fast without mauling him down, but I ended up at the service desk sputtering, ‘DEAR GOD IS IT TEN YET? CAN I GO?’
But...for the most part it didn’t seem too bad. There was this one little girl who actually remembered my name while they were leaving and said, ‘Bye Kelly!’. And I waved. I. Waved. I WAVED AND SAID GOODBYE AND I SMILED LIKE A FOOL. GAH!!
What happened, Cat Lady? Oh, how far we’ve fallen. It scares me to think that I might actually want one of those little rodents one day. Of course, mine would have to be sprayed down and disinfected before being allowed into the house. I don’t do germs. But still. Scary.
I should have gotten that vasectomy when I had the chance.
Normally we host these nasty little germ parties on Saturday when I don't have to worry about it, but seeing as my town is so small that the only form of entertainment is getting drunk and impregnating every slutty junior high student in the area, our local preschool actually scheduled a field day to Home Depot. No joke. I remember when I was in school we’d go to fun, exotic places, like Greenfield Village. Or the zoo.
Although when I think about it we are practically our own zoo...
*ahem*
So I was forced to show up an hour early to help out because apparently I look like the type of girl who is good with children. Never mind that the last time I was actually allowed near one (without it being fenced in or restrained in one of those monkey harness things) was about two years ago when my cousins started reproducing against my good advice and released their Satan spawn into my care.
I almost didn’t make it out alive. Worst ten minutes of my life.
As a self-declared Cat Lady you can imagine the dread I felt going into this battle today. I mean, until recently I couldn’t even think about children without breaking into cold sweats and seeing double.
I used to hope that the kids on my bus (who’d lick the windows, incidentally) would spontaneously combust whenever we hit a pothole. I'd poke my head over the seats in excited anticipation every time. When I was seven I had to be convinced that women couldn’t get vasectomies. This discussion lasted several days. My dad seemed to think it was a good thing to get and I really didn’t see the downside either.
Still don't.
Anyway, the fact I had to be there wasn’t even the worst part of it all.
I...I actually found myself having a good time.
I mean, sure there was that one boy who kept running around hugging on people and eventually locked his little arms around my leg and told me he loved me. I swear I don’t even know how I got across the store so fast without mauling him down, but I ended up at the service desk sputtering, ‘DEAR GOD IS IT TEN YET? CAN I GO?’
But...for the most part it didn’t seem too bad. There was this one little girl who actually remembered my name while they were leaving and said, ‘Bye Kelly!’. And I waved. I. Waved. I WAVED AND SAID GOODBYE AND I SMILED LIKE A FOOL. GAH!!
What happened, Cat Lady? Oh, how far we’ve fallen. It scares me to think that I might actually want one of those little rodents one day. Of course, mine would have to be sprayed down and disinfected before being allowed into the house. I don’t do germs. But still. Scary.
I should have gotten that vasectomy when I had the chance.
Total Comments 4
Comments
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Awwwwwwwww
Lil'Shiroi-chan coming soon!
Posted April 16th, 2009 at 01:39 AM by superplough 
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A field trip to Home Depot? And I thought I lived in a small town.
Although I do know some people who lived in towns with like 400 people in them. One guy at my work lived in a town that only had one street.Posted April 16th, 2009 at 11:38 AM by Caster13
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Anoo.. wouldn't you be getting a Laparoscopy, and not a vasectomy?Posted April 16th, 2009 at 05:20 PM by Illusions-chan
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Yes and no.
You see, when I was a girl my father decided to get a vasectomy because, after having my brother, my parents no longer needed to have any more children. They had a boy; they were all set.
Anywho, in trying to explain why daddy was gonna be in the hospital for a few days, they told me all about it. Not the gritty details of course, but enough to know I'd never have to worry about sharing the spotlight ever again. No more diapers, no more toys taken from me and misused by them.
No more children.
I. Was. Thrilled.
And seeing as I already had a pretty good grasp on what to expect of children just from interacting with my own younger siblings, I figured all children were as disgusting, annoying, disruptive, and unnecessary as they were. So I wanted the vasectomy, too, because I didn't think I'd ever want children so there was no point in not getting one.
No one explained why it was for ‘men only’ at the time. Keep in mind I was seven.Posted April 16th, 2009 at 06:44 PM by Shiroiyuki
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