I earned my girl card. Now I'm never doing this again.

I'll be honest. I like make-up and fashion. I read fashion blogs and try out make up swatches in department stores. However I'm not willing to devote my entire life to it. I don't have the time nor the money to wear a full face of make-up every day. Usually it's tinted moisturizer and chapstick. Fifteen seconds and done! However, every one in a while, I'll break out the MAC eyeliner and palette and experiment.

But the one thing I utterly hate is nail polish. I can't do it! I try to paint my nails and I usually ruin them within an hour. Nail polish lasting on my nails for more than 10 minutes is a minor miracle!

But my mom is a firm believer in it. She's to the point of getting regular manicures and pedicures. I love my mother. I think she deserves all the luxuries in the world because of everything she's given up for me and my brother over the years. I think it's great that she spoils herself in this little way.

However, I'm not exactly going to jump in and go get them with her. I can't even stand the smell of the acetone and whatever else they use.

But my mum has been after me and finally, as a birthday gift, she got me a manicure and pedicure gift card. So I went.

Firstly, apparently you're supposed to wear capris or shorts. I definitely was wearing the tightest pair of skinny jeans I own. Rolling those up was the most bloody uncomfortable thing ever. Goodbye blood flow to the lower half of my legs!

So he (the man that usually does my mom's feet) tells me to sit down and place my feet in the tub thing. The water was warm at first and then it progressively cooled. But that's not the important part. He first starts by working on the toe nails and cuticles. It's all normal and I'm relaxed, thinking "Okay. Not so bad. It doesn't even stink as badly as I thought it would."

Then he pulls out a squeeze bottle filled with some cream and dumps it all over my feet. HOLY MOTHER, it burns! Especially the foot he's not working on. So I'm attempting to not plunge my foot covered in the stuff in the basin while he attacks my other foot with a pumice. All the while he keeps asking if I'm okay and I'm wondering how much of a wussie I'll sound like if I ask if it's supposed to burn. Especially since there's this sixty-something year old lady sitting next to me, giving a speech on how wonderful this is and how she deserves if after working so hard for all her life.

But then he stops and I can put my feet back in the water. The burning stuff is done with, but then he pulls out a grater. Now this thing looks like one of those huge cheese graters that my grandmother used to keep in her kitchen for making radish stuffed paranthas. Those things could slice your finger off and he's gonna use it on my feet?

Granted, I didn't freak out at him at first. It only tickled in the beginning, but then he got really into it and managed to skin my feet raw right under the ball of my foot and in the arch right above my heel. Thanks man. Do you know how much it hurts to walk?!

Then he goes onto the massage portion. Which was alright. After that, the nail paint goes on. Yay.

I get up and get to stumble over to his sister?wife? who did my hands, an entirely painless experience in comparison. Dip your fingers in a basil, she clips and cleans your cuticle, she massages your hands, and then get the nail paint of your choice. I got a french manicure paint job that managed to last two days (Hallelujah!) before it started cracking.

So in the end, I went and I earned my girl card since apparently I'm the only person in the world who waited till their twenties to get a manicure and pedicure. It was interesting as an experience, but I am never doing it again. I'll keep my plain short fingernails and neon orange toe nails please. I'm totally okay with those.

P.S. The entire time all three of them kept telling me how wonderful my mom was. That part was nice. However, when the lady told me that I should come the next time I'm off from school and work, all I could think was "Ah HELL-NO! I ain't coming back here!" But I just nodded and said "Thank you! Have a nice day!"