Relationships and Wants

There's a good many things I'm tired of in life right now, and things that I can't change that I'm going to have to deal with...However, I know that I still have control over my life and the things that I do and the people i hang out with and the places i go, the money I spend, and the connections I make.

I need a mate. I don't need these ******** petty relationships anymore. I'm throwing in the towl, because I'm done playing the game. I want a person I can cuddle and communicate with all the live long day, be happy just being around and not have any doubt or fear that this person and I are going to separate, that something will come between us, destroy us.

The last relationship I tried to get in failed miserably, while it had potential in the fact that neither of us where looking for it, the basis for us to have a relationship wasn't.....well isn't really the best by my own moral istic standpoints. I slept with the girl on the first night of seeing her after a couple of years, we where both intoxicated, but I knew what i was doing when we started to fool around. For doing this, I'm a weaker person then I know I'm capable of being I could have easily told myself no, told her no, but I wanted her, wanted the act, and therefore, I didn't force myself not to do the deed. For that I have apologized and am truely sorry. You see, for those of you who don't know me (and even the select few that do) I've been a very sexually active and sexually safe person my entire life. However in doing the active part of that last statement, that means I've had my share of beneficial friends and one night stands, and truth be told. I'm ****ing sick of it.

I want someone to do the things with that I mentioned earlier, to take me around their friends and be comfortable hanging around mine :3. By the way, i love that friggen type gesture whatever you want to call it. :3 :3 :3 is so friggen adorable. Anyway, back to the ranting.

I need a slightly better paying job, getting my position change and pay cut have not been my friends thus far :| The bills keep coming and I'm still trying my best to pay them. There's no chance I'm probably ever going to go back to college, or even own my own place unless I have a mate and am able to share the financial burden of living.

Okay, my patience for writing tonight has grown thin, take care folks.