Joke Thread

[Trefellin]

Is a thread for random jokes good with everyone?


What was the Jewish pedophile's favourite line?

"Hey little boy, you wanna buy some candy?"

What is green and smells like pork?

Kermit's fingers.

A young girl and a child murderer are walking through the woods. The girl turns to the murderer and says, "I'm scared." He looks at her and says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!."

A rich lady gives her butler the night off because she is going out on a date. When she arrives back home from the date she saw the butler was still home and sitting in the front room. The rich lady approaches the butler and requests that he remove her dress, so the butler removes her dress. She then asks the butler to remove her bra, which he does. She then asks him to remove her panties and he does this also. The lady then tells the butler never to dress in her clothes again.

And if you're familiar with music theory...

A "C," an "E-flat," and a "G" go into a bar. The bartender says:
"Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and
the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is
diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment
the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and
heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a
second." Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is convinced
that this relative of C is a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat
hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now. You're the
seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." The E-flat, not easily
deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with
nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "You're looking sharp tonight,
come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the
case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands
there au natural.

[SapperSix]

A guy is driving down a deserted highway. He pulls up to an intersection, and rolls through the stop sign. From out of nowhere, a cop pulls him over.

COP: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
GUY: "Hey, I slowed down didn't I???"
COP: "You must come to a full stop at the sign."
GUY: "Stop. Slow down. What's the difference?"
The cop pulls out his baton and starts to beat the guy with-out mercy.
COP: "Well, do you want me to STOP or SLOW DOWN?"

[f2akid]

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"

Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant! He shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!"

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

[Trefellin]

Have you heard of the Jewish brand of tires, Firestein? Not only do they stop on a dime, they also pick it up.


I seem to be picking on the Jews today... :huh:

[Old Ape Face]

Have you heard of the Jewish brand of tires, Firestein? Not only do they stop on a dime, they also pick it up.


I seem to be picking on the Jews today... :huh:

that made me laugh, sorry for the Jews.

[animeotaku99]

on the topic of jews..
http://img705.imageshack.us/img705/5986/jewintehgreen.png

[Shiroiyuki]

Okay, okay, enough with the Jew-jokes. This isn't an anti-Semitism board...go pick on someone else now.

[Jack_Bauer]

Okay, okay, enough with the Jew-jokes. This isn't an anti-Semitism board...go pick on someone else now.

I concur! lets pick on the blondes now!

Two blondes decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut down their own Christmas tree. So they drove two hours into the country and walked deep into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree. They had planned the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They were dressed warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain saw, hatchet, a bag to protect the tree and rope to drag it back to their car. Every detail was covered.

They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble, nothing but the prefect tree would do. They searched for hours through knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to go down, one blonde says to the other, "I can't take this anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let's just pick one whether it's decorated or not!"

[Caster13]

A woman is at the hospital with her husband having her baby. The doctor informs them that there is a medical device that transfers some of the woman's pain to the baby's father, her husband. The both of them agree to do it. The husband feels nothing, but the woman feels less pain, so they transfer more. And more, and more. The woman felt very little pain during labor, but the husband felt almost nothing for some reason. The doctor said there was a malfunction somehow. When they took the baby home a few days later, they found the mail man dead on the porch.

[willag]

One of my favorite blonde jokes:



A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table.

The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed jigsaw puzzle with a picture of Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"

The blonde who brought in the picture explains, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together.

"The side of the box said 2 to 4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"

++++++

I hope people on here have a good sense of humor and don't get offended easily, 'cause that's not the intention. I just have a perverse group of friends who love jokes of all kinds, and I'm avoiding the worst ones.

++++++

Why are there no Mexicans in Star Trek?

They don't work in the future either!

Did you hear about the two car pile-up in the Walmart parking lot?

50 Mexicans died

How are a Texas tornado and a Texas divorce the same?

Somebody’s gonna lose a trailer.

Why is the Afghan Air Force easy to train?

You only need to teach them how to take off.

What does a white woman make for dinner?

Reservations.

What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?

The NBA.

How does Santa Claus know he's at a Jewish house?

Parking meters on the roof.

(A joke told to me by one of my gay friends): So, a lesbian couple and a gay couple decided to have a race to see which pair could make it from New York to Los Angeles first. Who won?

The lesbian couple, because while the gays were still packing their s***, the lesbians were gone lickity split.

So, an Irish guy walks out of a bar...

(A joke told to me by my 7th grade science teacher): So, how does a mathematician get rid of constipation?

He works it out with a pencil.

[Justinian]

Jupiter Scientific's (http://www.jupiterscientific.org/sciinfo/jokes/chemistryjokes.html)

This is no joke but a call to *BAN* dihydrogen monoxide, otherwise know as the invisible, killer substance. Jupiter Scientific's science joke webpage is probably not the place to post this protest, but the JS staff feels very strongly about this issue. For your information, dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO in its liquid form, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes tissue damage and contact with its gaseous form causes burns. DHMO use is widespread. For those who have become dependent on it, DHMO withdrawal means death. DHMO can be an environmental hazard: it is a major component of acid rain, contributes to the "greenhouse effect", leads to the erosion of natural landscapes and hastens the corrosion of most metals. Being so prevalent (quantities are found in every stream, lake and reservoir), DHMO contamination is at epidemic proportions. Despite the dangers, DHMO is often used as an industrial solvent, as a fire retardant, in nuclear power plants and (can you believe this) in certain food products. Companies dump waste dihydrogen monoxide into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. STOP THE HORROR NOW! The American government and the United Nations have refused to ban the production, distribution or use of this chemical due to its "economic importance." The navy and certain other military organizations are highly dependent on DHMO for various purposes. Military facilities receive tons of it through a sophisticated underground distribution network. It is also stored in large quantities for military emergencies. BUT IT'S NOT TOO LATE! You can help. Act *NOW* to prevent further contamination. Write your representatives. Start and sign petitions. Send e-mails. Inform your friends about the dangers. What you don't know *CAN* hurt you and every individual throughout the world.

:P

[Caster13]

Jupiter Scientific's (http://www.jupiterscientific.org/sciinfo/jokes/chemistryjokes.html)

This is no joke but a call to *BAN* dihydrogen monoxide, otherwise know as the invisible, killer substance. Jupiter Scientific's science joke webpage is probably not the place to post this protest, but the JS staff feels very strongly about this issue. For your information, dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO in its liquid form, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes tissue damage and contact with its gaseous form causes burns. DHMO use is widespread. For those who have become dependent on it, DHMO withdrawal means death. DHMO can be an environmental hazard: it is a major component of acid rain, contributes to the "greenhouse effect", leads to the erosion of natural landscapes and hastens the corrosion of most metals. Being so prevalent (quantities are found in every stream, lake and reservoir), DHMO contamination is at epidemic proportions. Despite the dangers, DHMO is often used as an industrial solvent, as a fire retardant, in nuclear power plants and (can you believe this) in certain food products. Companies dump waste dihydrogen monoxide into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. STOP THE HORROR NOW! The American government and the United Nations have refused to ban the production, distribution or use of this chemical due to its "economic importance." The navy and certain other military organizations are highly dependent on DHMO for various purposes. Military facilities receive tons of it through a sophisticated underground distribution network. It is also stored in large quantities for military emergencies. BUT IT'S NOT TOO LATE! You can help. Act *NOW* to prevent further contamination. Write your representatives. Start and sign petitions. Send e-mails. Inform your friends about the dangers. What you don't know *CAN* hurt you and every individual throughout the world.

:P

:lol: I heard that joke several months ago. That's funny.

[willag]

Children writing about the ocean:

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean you are an Island. If you don't have
ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an ******* on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots
and comes back with crabs. ( Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the
ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to
make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating
beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I
like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like,
really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always
crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got
pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give
you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they
have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my
willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go
down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was
going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ***. (Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I
don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What
he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James,
age 7)

+++++

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet school were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body. For an example," the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid."

+++++

Redneck Computer Terms:

BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods
BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern
BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick
BYTE - What you pit bull dun to cusin Jethro
CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps
CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in
TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker
CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited
DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers
DISKETTE - Female Disco Dancer
FAX - What you lie about to the IRS
HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking
HARD COPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos
INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair
KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere
MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food
MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers
MODEM - What you did when the grass and weeds got too tall
MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live
NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line
ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
ROM - Where the pope lives
SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast
SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee of the year
SCSI - What you call your week old underwear

[Bradster]

A baby seal walks into a club...

--------

A man walks into a deli and sees a sign that says:
"Cheese sandwiches $2
Hand Jobs $10"

He walks up to the counter and asks the lady "Are you the woman that gives hand jobs?"
She says "Yes, I am!"
He replies "Well.... wash those hands and fix me a cheese sandwich!"

[Haruhi]

I approve of this thread.

[Fobb]

Children writing about the ocean:

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean you are an Island. If you don't have
ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an ******* on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots
and comes back with crabs. ( Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the
ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to
make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating
beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I
like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like,
really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always
crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got
pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give
you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they
have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my
willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go
down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was
going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ***. (Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I
don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What
he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James,
age 7)


Kids say the darnedest things.

[willag]

This thread needs revived.

Two Irishmen were sitting in a bar, watching the entrance to the brothel across the street. A Baptist minister went in, and one of the Irishmen said: "Ah, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad." Then a rabbi went in, and the Irishman shook his head sadly and remarked: "'Tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation." A few minutes later, a Catholic priest went in. "Ah, what a terrible shame," said the Irishman. "One of the girls must be very ill indeed."

+++++

The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her young charges, and asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up.

A twelve-year-old raised her hand and said, "I want to be a prostitute."

The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived her, she raised her head from the ground and gasped, "What--did--you--say--?"

The young girl shrugged. "I said I wanted to be a prostitute."

"A prostitute!" the Mother Superior said. "Oh, praise sweet Jesus! And I thought you said you wanted to be a Protestant."

+++++

A husband came home with half a gallon of ice cream and asked his wife if she wanted some.

"How hard is it?" she asked.

"About as hard as my *****," he replied.

"Pour me some."

+++++

The wife asked her husband to go to the video store and pick up "Scent of a Woman." He came home with "A Fish Called Wanda."

[Nano]

What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap?

[Melion]

What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap?

http://u.snelhest.org/i/2011/01/05_7524.jpg

[Mikosage]

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y124/thesaffo/zoidberg_bad.jpg

[SapperSix]

An Australian rugby fan, a South African rugby fan and a New Zealand rugby fan are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for consuming the booze they are all sentenced to death. However, after many months and with the help of good lawyers, they are able successfully to appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the benevolent sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the sheikh announced, "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The South African was first. He thought for a while, then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back."

This was done, but the pillow lasted only 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done, the South African had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Australian was next up. After watching the South African's horror, he said smugly, "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could take only 15 lashes before the whip went through and the Australian was soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do).

The New Zealander was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the sheikh turned to him and said, "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your most royal and merciful highness," the Kiwi replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20 lashes but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish"?

"Tie the Australian to my back."

[Mikosage]

Okay fine I got one.

A cowboy, a native american, and a muslim were at an airport.

The three got to chatting and after a while the westerners realized the muslim was a radical extremist.

The native american said "My people were many, and now we are few."

The muslim said, "My people were few, and now we are many. What does that tell you?"

The cowboy took a long drag of his cigarette and said, "I reckon that tells me we ain't played cowboys and muslims yet."

[superplough]

An Australian rugby fan, a South African rugby fan and a New Zealand rugby fan are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for consuming the booze they are all sentenced to death. However, after many months and with the help of good lawyers, they are able successfully to appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the benevolent sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the sheikh announced, "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The South African was first. He thought for a while, then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back."

This was done, but the pillow lasted only 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done, the South African had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Australian was next up. After watching the South African's horror, he said smugly, "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could take only 15 lashes before the whip went through and the Australian was soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do).

The New Zealander was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the sheikh turned to him and said, "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your most royal and merciful highness," the Kiwi replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20 lashes but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish"?

"Tie the Australian to my back."

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[willag]

Aw, heck, why not dig myself a hole?

Want to hear a funny joke?
Women's Rights

Why can't women drive?
Because there's no road between the kitchen and the bedroom

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, somebody already told her twice.

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

++++++

A professor at W.Virginia University is giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands. "Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands. "That's a great response."

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands. "That's fantastic."

"But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One student in a flannel shirt and baseball cap way in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The redneck student complies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium.

The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost."

The student replies, "Ghost?!? Sheeyit..... From back there it sounded like you said 'goats'"

++++++

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough.
The husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that
could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

The couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

[DazzleKitty]

A bear and a rabbit were in the woods taking a crap. The bear looks over at the rabbit and asks him, "Do you have a problem with sht sticking to your fur?" The rabbit responds "No." The bear then picks the rabbit up and wipes his arse with him.

[superplough]

Willag and Dazzle :lol: :lol:

[Woooh]

A bear and a rabbit were in the woods taking a crap. The bear looks over at the rabbit and asks him, "Do you have a problem with sht sticking to your fur?" The rabbit responds "No." The bear then picks the rabbit up and wipes his arse with him.

I lol'd pretty hard at that one.

[anime____4ever]

Aw, heck, why not dig myself a hole?

i will help you dig :cheers:

when's the only time a woman should be on top??
when the kitchen is on the second floor
why dont woman fart as much as men??
because they don't shut up long enough to build up any pressure

now for a blond joke.
how do you kill a blond??
put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool

ok last one..... it's my favorite "yo mama" joke.
yo mama's so fat she jumps up in the air and gets stuck!

[Old Ape Face]

Ok Ok I got one.

If a tree falls and a woman is around to hear it, why is there a tree in the kitchen?

[Caster13]

What can you tell if your woman is in the living room yelling at you?

The chain to the oven is too long.

------

These two are for the football fans in here.

A kid from Michigan and a kid from Ohio are in the same 3rd grade class, which one is taller? The one from Ohio. He's 18.

What do you call a Michigan State football player with a Championship ring? A thief.


Had to equalize with those. :P

[Melion]

What is it with all the women hate here? :lol:

[Old Ape Face]

What is it with all the women hate here? :lol:

It's a Joke thread where's your thick skin?

[Caster13]

What is it with all the women hate here? :lol:

1. Why do you care? You're a guy.

2. This is the internet. Political correctness has no place here.

3. We're not serious about it.

[Melion]

It's a Joke thread where's your thick skin?

Geez, didn't see the laughing face in my post? I wasn't serious.

Though it seems you guys takes it serious.

"I WANNA MAKE MY WOMEN JOKES AND LET ME BE!"

1. Why do you care? You're a guy.

Errr, so yeah, I'm a guy and I respect women, do you? I see nothing wrong with that.

2. This is the internet. Political correctness has no place here.

Says the supersqurmish guy.

3. We're not serious about it.

Me neither.

Anyway, ontopic:

A christian, a jew and a muslim enters a bar and the bartender says:

"What is this, a joke?"

*Stolen from someones sig*

[Bernard_Monsha]

Why do fat chicks give the best head?


Because they have to!

[Melion]

^How predictable, you just had to justify yourself. Good job Kenny, you never fail to entertain me.

[Old Ape Face]

Kenny will always be Kenny.

[Caster13]

Now that I look at it, I was the one that ended up being too serious.

[Trefellin]

Why did God make Eve?


Because he realized that Adam wasn't going to be able to suck his own ****.




...



There's a line somewhere but I have no clue where it is.

[Caster13]

You just crossed the moral event horizon right into dude not funny territory.

[Vaikyuko]

Actually, I thought it was hilarious. :lol:

I got one.

So a boy and his mother walk into the park one day, and the boy spies a bowlegged man. He points and says loudly, "Look Mommy, a bowlegged man!" The mother is very embarrassed at her son doing this in the middle of a public park; she apologizes profusely to the bowlegged man and has her son do so as well. She then grounds her son for a month and during that month, he has to read the entire works of William Shakespeare, to "better his vocabulary."

So a month later the boy and his mother are walking through the park and the same bowlegged guy comes by! Wanting to impress his mother with the progress he made, the boy points and exclaims, "Lo, what manner of men are these, who wear their balls in parantheses!"

[Caster13]

Actually, I thought it was hilarious. :lol:

I got one.

So a boy and his mother walk into the park one day, and the boy spies a bowlegged man. He points and says loudly, "Look Mommy, a bowlegged man!" The mother is very embarrassed at her son doing this in the middle of a public park; she apologizes profusely to the bowlegged man and has her son do so as well. She then grounds her son for a month and during that month, he has to read the entire works of William Shakespeare, to "better his vocabulary."

So a month later the boy and his mother are walking through the park and the same bowlegged guy comes by! Wanting to impress his mother with the progress he made, the boy points and exclaims, "Lo, what manner of men are these, who wear their balls in parantheses!"

That's a pretty damn clever joke. And pretty funny. Where did you hear that one?

[willag]

What is it with all the women hate here? :lol:

The kicker is that it was started by a woman. :lol:

How do you know when it's time to get a new dishwasher?
When the old one expects you to "do your share"

Why do women have short feet?
So they can stand closer to the stove.

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.

What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomach every time they see a bikini.

Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

What does a beer bottle and a guy have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.

How many men does it take to pop a pan of popcorn?
4: 1 to hold the pan and 3 to shake to stove.

Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering

++++++

Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to a sex therapist who promised to only take their case if he knew he could help them. After hours of tests, he agreed he could help. He told them to stop at the store on the way home and buy donuts and grapes. Mrs. Smith was to toss the donuts at Mr. Smith's erection and eat the ones that stayed on. Mr. Smith was to roll the grapes across the floor and eat the ones that became lodged in Mrs. Smith's love canal.

A few weeks later, the Jones came to see the doctor. "Our friends the Smiths told us to come to you." they said.

The doctor ran the tests and came back to the Jonses. He told them he was sorry but there was just nothing he could do. The Jonses said, "You helped the Smiths, why won't you help us?"

After continued begging from the Jonses, the doc said "ok, ok ... stop by the market on the way home and buy a box of Cheerios and a bag of oranges."

++++++

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."

[autsiticanime]

What do you call a musical group of kidnappers?

Cosby steals Nash.

[Caster13]

LOL! :lol::lol::lol::lol:

willag and autsiticanime win this thread.

[Bernard_Monsha]

What do you call a musical group of kidnappers?

Cosby steals Nash.

It's hardly worth it but boooooooo!



Now for a high brow joke.


How many modern abstractionists does it take to replace a light bulb?

Two, one to shave the giraffe the other to put the power tools in the bath tub.

[Caster13]

:lol::lol:

[Arnold]

A guy walked into a bar.

He said "ow!"


... sorry, that's all I got.

[Vaikyuko]

^I can top that.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

[Leader Desslock]

Well, let's go with one from Dave Allen (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeNDkxnz2V0):

One day a little Catholic boy wanders into Ian Paisley's church.

"What are you doing in my church?" roars the Reverend Ian Paisley.

"I've come to talk to God." says the little boy.

But as soon as Paisley realizes the little boy is Catholic he throws him out of the church. Three times the little boy tries to enter the church and each time Paisley throws him out. So the little boy goes and sits on a wall and he's very sad with tears in his eyes. Suddenly he hears this voice calling him.

"Who is it?" the little boy asks.

"It's God." says the voice.

"God?!" the little boy cheers up immediately.

"Why were you so sad?" asks God.

"Well." says the little boy "I was just trying to get into Ian Paisley's Church."

"Oh don't worry about that." says God "I've been trying to do the same thing for years."

[anime____4ever]

Why do fat chicks give the best head?


Because they have to!

:lol: omg thats good.

big thumbs up!!
its one of those sad but true jokes.....classic.

[Schadenfreude]

Since we had a whaling thread not too long ago:

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

[superplough]

What do you call a musical group of kidnappers?

Cosby steals Nash.

I dont get it

[Trefellin]

I dont get it

Cosby...
http://www.rightontheright.com/files/related-images/bill-cosby-silly-face.jpg

Steals...

Nash.
http://njmg.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/10/31/steve_nash.jpg





Nah, I think it has something to do with Crosby, Stills and Nash.

http://blog.lehighvalleylive.com/music_impact/2009/04/large_CrosbyStillsNash.jpg

[Bernard_Monsha]

How do you reuse a condom?

Turn it inside out and shake the f*** out of it.


rimshot

[Clayton]

Inuyasha and Sesshomaru walk into a bar. Sesshomarru challenges Inuyasha to a game of pool and much to Inuyasha's dismey, easily beats him. Sessomaru smirks and says, "I'm a full blooded demon and you're just a half breed. There's nothing I can't do better than you."
Inuyasha looks him int he eye and says, "Oh yeah? Clap."

[Mikosage]

Inuyasha and Sesshomaru walk into a bar. Sesshomarru challenges Inuyasha to a game of pool and much to Inuyasha's dismey, easily beats him. Sessomaru smirks and says, "I'm a full blooded demon and you're just a half breed. There's nothing I can't do better than you."
Inuyasha looks him int he eye and says, "Oh yeah? Clap."

This was in poor taste.

[Trefellin]

Inuyasha and Sesshomaru walk into a bar. Sesshomarru challenges Inuyasha to a game of pool and much to Inuyasha's dismey, easily beats him. Sessomaru smirks and says, "I'm a full blooded demon and you're just a half breed. There's nothing I can't do better than you."
Inuyasha looks him int he eye and says, "Oh yeah? Clap."

Ooooooh...


Even I wouldn't joke about something like that.

[superplough]

Again I dont get it.

[FARIQABDUL]

lal, apparently political jokes are banzd

so i'll be sure to edit this one:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

PLATO:
For the chicken, truth lies on the other side.

BUDDHA:
Asking this question denies the nature of all chickens.

THE BIBLE:
(censored)

BILL O’ REILLY:
(censored)

HILLARY CLINTON:
(censored)

DARWIN:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

EINSTEIN:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken is a matter of relativity.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON:
The chicken did not cross the road. It transcended it.

JERRY FALWELL:
(censored)

FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.:
(censored)

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

MACHIAVELLI:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

NIETZSCHE:
Because when the chicken looks at the road for too long, the road will start looking at the chicken.

KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability thus the chicken should rise up against it.

PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH
(censored)

JERRY SEINFELD:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway? What is wrong with that chicken?

DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road but why it crossed, I’ve not been told.

HAMLET:
That is not the question.

[Mikosage]

Two peanuts walked into a bar. One of them was assaulted.

[Clayton]

Three pieces of string walk up to a bartender and say, "We want beer."
The bartender says, "We don't serve pieces of string here."
The three go into a corner. One unwravels himself and ties himself up in the middle, then goes back to the bar. "Three beers."
"Aren't you one of those pieces of string?" The bartener asks.
"No, I'm a fraid knot."

[SapperSix]

How do you circumcise a redneck? You kick his sister in the chin.

[Clayton]

What's the red jelly between an elephant's toes called? Natives.

http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/1392/hoodwinked2005121208554.jpg

[Mikosage]

A man walked into a bar and said ouch.

[Atticus]

Women's rights

[superplough]

Oh, I've got one. A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Get the **** out of here."

[Clayton]

Okay, so these two baby seals walk into a club...

[Atticus]

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust

[superplough]

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?

She was a woman

[anime____4ever]

How do you circumcise a redneck? You kick his sister in the chin.

ha.............ahahhahahahahahaha

took a sec to kick in, but then the turbo boost hit.

[Mikosage]

Why can't women drive?

There are no roads between the bedroom and the kitchen.

[superplough]

What's got two legs and bleeds?
Half a dog

[Mikosage]

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Exactly where you left him.

[Carhill22]

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

0, B**** can cook in the dark

[RecentMidget]

So a blind guy's walking past a fish-stand and gets a whiff of it.

"Hello ladies"

[KatayokuのTenshi]

Knock knock.
Who's there?
To.
To who?
To whom, surely?

[Caster13]

Knock knock.
Who's there?
To.
To who?
To whom, surely?

Don't call me Shirley.

[Clayton]

Neil Gaiman claims that the Nepali translation of ‘Yeti’ is ‘That thing over there’ as in:

Man Climbing up mount Everest: “What’s that thing over there?!”
Guide: “Yeti.”

[ThePhillyFlash]

Q: Why couldn't the drunk law student become a lawyer?
A: He couldn't pass the bar.

You can laugh now. :lol:

[RecentMidget]

Q: Why couldn't the drunk law student become a lawyer?
A: He couldn't pass the bar.

You can laugh now. :lol:

http://i341.photobucket.com/albums/o367/caribassett1/cricket.jpg

[Trefellin]

So, Helen Keller was deaf and blind but they still taught her how to communicate with people. The first thing they did was hold her hand under a running tap and then sign "water" over and over until she learned it. What I want to know is, how long did it take them to teach her the word "rape"?

[Atticus]

^ That's terrible

[superplough]

Whats worse than ten babies in a bin

A baby in ten bins

[autsiticanime]

Why is it not a good idea to travel with JJ Abrams?

You'll get Lost.

*expects boo's*

[ThePhillyFlash]

why is it not a good idea to travel with jj abrams?

You'll get lost.

*expects boo's*

boooooooooooooo! :P

[KateSawyer]

Only one that comes to mind:

What did the blond say when she opened a cheerio's box?
"Look! Donut seeds!!"

[Clayton]

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:RK_1NMy-7aKRhM:http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_EEHcFy_nERQ/TDYoEhdjMNI/AAAAAAAAAAM/zfvdAg7WGbc/s1600-R/1118110378_resAlucard.jpg&t=1
Alucard: How many humans does it take to replace a lightbulb?
(Loud Slurp) Three so far

[autsiticanime]

Why are the Evangelion movies not nominated for an Academy award?

One Asuka is enough.

[superplough]

Your mum's so fat when she fell down the stairs I thought Eastenders was starting

[Reven]

Your mom's so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone :P

[Clayton]

Your mother's so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

She was once arrested for smuggling Volkswagons. The cop got suspicious when he came over and asked her to "Break up the crowd"

[Reven]

How do you castrate a redneck?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

[autsiticanime]

What do you call a vehicle that carries female demons?

A succuBUS...

[Clayton]

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Osama Bin Laden http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSQ9D01HtJVIYX4kKcPtqi PBvmSZ-5FQnSxJoGKYva1amFb5AOI7w&t=1

[animefan88]

1. Two blondes walk into a building. You think one of them would've seen it.

2. A guy walks into a bar. He said "ow".

3. What you call a female sex change - Adda****tome

4. What you call a male sex change - Lopitoffa'me

5. Where does the king keep his armies? - In his sleevies.

6. Whats brown and sticky? - A stick.

7. Does Snoop Dogg ever need an umbrella? - Fo' Drizzle!

8. Why'd Billy eat his homework? - 'cuz teacher said it was a piece of cake.

9. What did Beethoven and Mozart become when they died? - Decomposers

10. What do you get if you throw a grenade into a French bathroom? - Lanoleum Blownapart

11. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? - A flat miner.

12. Why do chicken coops only have two doors? - Because if they had four they would be a chicken sedan.

13. The past, the present, and the future all walk into a bar at the same time. It was tense.

14.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
You know.
You know who?
Avada Kadavra!!!!!

15. Boogers

[Reven]

A week before President Lincoln died, he was in Monroe, Maryland.

A week before President Kennedy died, he was in Marylin Monroe.

For some odd reason, this made me laugh a bit TBH.

[Clayton]

My dad is a bartender in Nevada and he told me they have a new drink called the Osama Bin Laden. Two shots and a splash of water.

[SapperSix]

http://i51.tinypic.com/2447hg4.jpg

[Trefellin]

*Knock knock*

Who's there?

9/11

9/11 who?


...You said you'd never forget.

[Caster13]

Whoa, not ****ing cool man.


Knock knock.
Who's there?
You know.
You know who?
Avada Kadavra!!!!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! :lol::lol::lol:

[shinri]

Types of marriages abroad

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar and discussing
about their family problems.

They were taking shot after shot of scotch and talking..

The Indian man said to the American, 'We have a problem in India we can't
marry the one whom we love, You know my parents are forcing me to get
married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met
once.' We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I
don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family
problems.'

The American said, talking about love marriages... In America We can marry
the one whom we love ..I'll tell you my story. 'I married a widow whom I
deeply loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell
in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my
son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More
problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he
is my uncle.

Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my
brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I
am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems.'

The Indian fainted........!!!

[shinri]

Why never to ask favors from the designers:

http://webpress.posterous.com/why-never-to-ask-favours-from-the-designers-0

[Spadesy]

Types of marriages abroad

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar and discussing
about their family problems.

They were taking shot after shot of scotch and talking..

The Indian man said to the American, 'We have a problem in India we can't
marry the one whom we love, You know my parents are forcing me to get
married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met
once.' We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I
don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family
problems.'

The American said, talking about love marriages... In America We can marry
the one whom we love ..I'll tell you my story. 'I married a widow whom I
deeply loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell
in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my
son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More
problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he
is my uncle.

Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my
brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I
am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems.'

The Indian fainted........!!!

I knew it was coming to this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cjd__U9RhkI

[shinri]

I knew it was coming to this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cjd__U9RhkI

Thx for the link...had no idea that's where the joke came from!:)

[Daichi]

Another blond joke.

Three women were held hostage on a bus, a blond, a brunette, and a redhead. The redhead comes up with a plan to escape. They would yell out the name of a natural disaster, the man would be distracted, and the person would escape. The redhead yells out "EARTHQUAKE". The man turns around and the redhead escapes. The brunette says "HURRICANE". The man turns around and she escapes. The blond thinks she can escape now too. She turns to the man and yells "FIRE"

[Arch-Defender]

I came up with that one while on another topic, remember people, it's just a joke:

Lelouch, a young outcast prince of Britannia possesses two great powers: The first one is Geass, the ultimate ability to compel anyone to do whatever he commands. The second is the Black Knights, his military force assembled with the intention to destroy the Britannian Empire ruled by his father. Vailling his true identity behind a mask and the code name Zero, Lelouch has made his move to avenge his mother’s murder and create a world in which his sister Nanalie can find happiness.

Lelouko, a young outpriced b!tch of America possesses two great powers: The first one is Vagina, the ultimate ability to compel any male to do whatever she commands. The second is her husband’s bank account, an economic force assembled with the intention of buying a new dress designed by her father. Vailling her true wealth behind her new shoes and the code name VISA, Lelouko has made her move to castrate her husband and buy a house in which her knick knacks can find happiness.

I wanted to keep the codename Zero but the only thing that’s zero is the guy’s bank account after she’s through.

[Taleen]

:lol:,that doesn't change the truth that says...."HATERS GONNA HATE* :lol: :lol:

[Daichi]

:lol:,that doesn't change the truth that says...."HATERS GONNA HATE* :lol: :lol:

I agree. People are just natural haters

[Menos]

Two whales, a male and a female, were swimming side by side in the ocean.

Suddenly, the male whale spots a ship in the distance. He recognizes it as the whaling ship that killed his father.

Filled with anger, he says to his female companion, "That's the ship that killed my father!

Let's swim closer!"

When they were close enough, the male said, "Why don't we swim under the ship and blow air through our blow holes and break the ship into a million pieces? That will be sweet revenge." And the female agreed to this.

So they each took a deep breath of air, swam under the ship, and blew enormous amounts of air under the ship.

The ship flew into the air and crashed back to the sea and broke into a million pieces.

The pair of whales started to swim off when they realized that the sailors were not dead, but clinging to pieces of wood and floating in the ocean.

The male whale was furious and said to the female whale, "They're still alive, but I've got another idea. Let's swim around and gulp up all the sailors!"

That's when the female stopped swimming, looked at the male and said, "Oh no... I agreed to the blow job but I'm NOT swallowing the seamen"

[superplough]

^ :lol:

[RecentMidget]

Someone threw a Pepsi at my head today. Thank god it was a soft drink.

[Zerotaku]

What do you call someone who has sex on a train? Metrosexual

What would it be called if Kenshiro met Darth Vader? Fist of the Death Star

[ThePhillyFlash]

Q: Why did the man take a coil of rope to a soccer game?

A: To tie the score.

:lol:

[Caster13]

What do you call a Michigan State student with a championship ring? A thief.

Two kids are in the same 3rd grade class, one from Ohio and one from Michigan. Which one is taller? The one from Ohio, he's 18 years old.

No offense to anybody from either state.

[Old Ape Face]

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife that I had a drinking problem, and to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else. I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank.

I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.

I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass.

I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank.

I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

[RecentMidget]

http://memebase.com/category/lame-pun-coon-2/

[Caster13]

A man said to his son "If you keep doing that you're going to go blind."

The son said "Dad I'm over here."

[Arnold]

Once again, I gotta go with the classic:

A man walked into a bar.

He said, "Ouch!"

[old hat]

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have
a look at him". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he
checks his teeth. Finally, the vet says, "I'm going to have to put
him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy".

[Arch-Defender]

Titles in English:
-The Matrix
-The Matrix Reloaded
-The Matrix Revolutions

Titles in French:
-La Matrice
-La Matrice Rechargé
-La Matrice Revolution

Titles in Japanese:
-Ghost in the Shell
-X
-Dragon Ball

[Old Ape Face]

Ghost in the Shell was better than the Matrix.

[Arch-Defender]

Ghost in the Shell was better than the Matrix.
You know what they say, the live action adaptation is never better than the orginal :lol: