17 Young Men Dead In ‘Horrific’ Downtown Cougar Attack

[Hara!]

http://tarichmond.com/2009/03/09/17-young-men-dead-in-horrific-downtown-cougar-attack/

Police said 17 men, ages 21 to 28, were killed in a horrendous cougar attack early Sunday morning in Richmond’s Shockoe Slip. The matured cats appear to have migrated into the city from the suburbs, targeting dozens of attractive and mostly intoxicated young men.

Richmond Police Chief Bryan T. Norwood said the victims were seen earlier in the evening taunting the cougars with plates of raw deer meat, the scents of various musky colognes, and the display of numerous wild cat-calls that only made the felines more vicious.

“This was a senseless tragedy that was, unfortunately, something that could have been prevented with proper training on how to act when one comes face-to-face with a full-grown cat,” Norwood said. “Cougars, alcohol, and young men are a dangerous mix.”

Additionally, none of the victims heldsubdiv valid cougar-hunting licenses, he said.

Police said the attacks came from cougars of all colors, including the light tan-coated cougar whose partner left her anywhere from six months to five years ago, a species common to the Richmond metropolitan area.

In addition, sources claimed to see at least three black panthers, a hairless Asian puma, and what is being described as a rare blue-eyed Hispanic lynx, native to the southwestern United States and the Twin Hickory subdivision in Henrico County’s far West End.

Regardless of color, the extremely-territorial cougars prefer habitats with darker lighting - specifically, college bars - to hide signs of age from potential suitors. Cougars are known use their retractable claws and powerful jaws to drag prey into their four- to five-bedroom homes.

“I kept telling the guys to stop and just play dead, that cougars aren’t something you should mess with, but they kept telling me to quit being a ***** because cougars totally love to hang out,” said Scott Charlotte, who witnessed the jaws of a cougar lock onto friend Ed Vaughan’s neck, bite, and leave several critical bruises. “Once that happened I knew that I’d never see my friend again.”

“At least not until the next morning at Denny’s,” he added.

Though yesterday’s cougar attacks were the result of the provoking male species and the procurement of brightly-colored intoxicants that destabilize the cats and make them friskier than normal, experts say such assaults are fairly common nationwide.

Native to every country and city in the world, cougars typically move in packs of three or more and feed on a variety of prey, including including deer, cattle, and fraternity member. Averaging five feet, six inches in height, the stalk-and-ambush cougar generally targets mates 10 to 20 years younger, though older cougars may sometimes search for partners three to five decades their junior.

The reproductive cycle of a cougar runs 52 weekends a year.

[loplop]

LOL!!! Sounds like something I would come up with . . .

[superplough]

Oh. I get it now. Har har.

[waltsoph3]

:O ..man that sucks. Second off..what the feak!? Why are wild cougars being allowed to just roam around freely in a urban city. Seriously thats a problem. Im not for getting rid of them but surly they can be relocated to a natural enviroment.
Its really sad when it takes this kind of tragidy just to open people's eyes. :(

[Gray]

:O ..man that sucks. Second off..what the feak!? Why are wild cougars being allowed to just roam around freely in a urban city. Seriously thats a problem. Im not for getting rid of them but surly they can be relocated to a natural enviroment.
Its really sad when it takes this kind of tragidy just to open people's eyes. :(

Waaaay over your head waltsoph. http://img18.imageshack.us/img18/9526/facepalmp.png

[KatayokuのTenshi]

:O ..man that sucks. Second off..what the feak!? Why are wild cougars being allowed to just roam around freely in a urban city. Seriously thats a problem. Im not for getting rid of them but surly they can be relocated to a natural enviroment.
Its really sad when it takes this kind of tragidy just to open people's eyes. :(

...look, I don't quite understand what's going on here. There's some terminology I'm not familiar with. But even I can tell that 17 men were not fatally bruised by wild-cats only to recover the next morning.

Edit: Ah, right. UD FTW. :lol:

[The Million Dollar Prons]

For real you guys don't know what a cougar is? Am I the only one here who's subscribed to "Over 50" magazine?

[Tidusauron12]

I just got this. :lol:

[KatayokuのTenshi]

For real you guys don't know what a cougar is?

This is the first time I've heard it. Maybe it's American-exclusive slang?

Ah, here we go: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cougar (guess I'm off the hook :P )

[The Million Dollar Prons]

I'm really surprised you BRITIAN FOLK don't have the word cougar considering middle aged british chicks are hella hot.

[KatayokuのTenshi]

I'm really surprised you BRITIAN FOLK don't have the word cougar considering middle aged british chicks are hella hot.

I'm pretty sure we've only recently began to adopt MILF here. -_-;

[The Million Dollar Prons]

I'm pretty sure we've only recently began to adopt MILF here. -_-;

Well in that case I better hurry up and ride a Double Decker bus into Britian and show you guys HOW IT'S DONE.

Are you a bad enough dude to offer these British Cougars some DEER MEAT?

[goddessofanime]

LOL

why is there a tag for milf?

[Gray]

LOL

why is there a tag for milf?

Seems like another person who dosen't get it even though it was already explained.

[goddessofanime]

Mah. I got it now.

[The Million Dollar Prons]

XD the tags

"Foriegners don't get it"

[Nomnomnom]

that was rather funny, surprised the raw dear meat brought them out.

[Trefellin]

that was rather funny, surprised the raw dear meat brought them out.

Though some may not admit it, all cougars like a good buck.

[Spadesy]

-_-

[insert filler here]

[ThePhillyFlash]

Took me about ten seconds to figure it out! Good one! :lol:

[Ken-Ohki]

What am I reading?

I know what cougars are in slang but seriously ... what am I reading?

[Broand]

:O ..man that sucks. Second off..what the feak!? Why are wild cougars being allowed to just roam around freely in a urban city. Seriously thats a problem. Im not for getting rid of them but surly they can be relocated to a natural enviroment.
Its really sad when it takes this kind of tragidy just to open people's eyes. :(

Look! In the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It's the joke!

[Victory]

LOL tags
This is a good feature.

[waltsoph3]

woah waoh hold on a sec. I didn't actually click on the link when i was just reading the story on AN. Are you telling me that this is a fake news site like The onion?

[loplop]

woah waoh hold on a sec. I didn't actually click on the link when i was just reading the story on AN. Are you telling me that this is a fake news site like The onion?

Yes, and very funny one. Most of the time it's local stuff, but this is one you'll get where ever you live (If you live in the States from what I see in the thread xd)

[CrossboneGundam]

"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised!"

[waltsoph3]

Yes, and very funny one. Most of the time it's local stuff, but this is one you'll get where ever you live (If you live in the States from what I see in the thread xd)

Opps. I thought this was a real story the way it was shown. Theres so many fake news sites these days it gets just a little bit anoying.lol
Sorry everyone and thank you for clearing it up.

[Soluzar]

Opps. I thought this was a real story the way it was shown. Theres so many fake news sites these days it gets just a little bit anoying.
This isn't just fake news. It's satire, social commentary, that kind of thing. Ya see, a 'cougar' isn't just a mountain lion, it's also a slang term for an older woman who still goes after much younger men in a predatory fashion. Read the story again, knowing that fact, and it becomes incredibly funny.

[waltsoph3]

seriously i just don't get the joke at all guys i'm sorry. Also I never knew cougar was a slang term for older woman. Thats a first for me.

I also don't find real life senseless killings to be funny either. But thats just me.

[Soluzar]

Ya but dude, nobody was actually killed! It's just about how agressive some older 'cougar' type women can be about going after good-looking men who aren't especially interested.

[goddessofanime]

seriously i just don't get the joke at all guys i'm sorry. Also I never knew cougar was a slang term for older woman. Thats a first for me.

I also don't find real life senseless killings to be funny either. But thats just me.

ROFL. You do realize that it's a joke right?

Don't feel bad though; it took me a second read to realize, "Oh they're talking cougars as in Sex and the City-sluttier older women not RAWR 'I eat you nao'."

[Caster13]

I got it immediately.

"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised!"

One of my favorite episodes.

[Rurouni Saiyan]

The vast majority of 'cougars' I see are just a bunch of toothless old cats that think they're still 18.

[Caster13]

There are a lot of cougars in Scottsdale and Paradise Valley in Arizona. The people there are rich as sin. And when I say rich I mean they wipe their ***es with wads of 100s and a bunch own Black Cards. And there's a lot of young people that got rich off of the internet and trust fund babies gallore. It's prime hunting territory up there.

[Old Ape Face]

...attractive and mostly intoxicated young men.

What I thought: crazy hot woman buying sex and killing the hostages.

...the cougars with plates of raw deer meat.

What I got: the wrong kind of meet/meat was used.

“Cougars, alcohol, and young men are a dangerous mix.”


I'll say, those cougars charged me extra...

[Victory]

Uh, anyone can add tags, uh.

[ThePhillyFlash]

By the by, I heard about a "reality" show on TV Land called The Cougar starring Vivica A. Fox where older women are paired up with younger men for romance and whatnot. What a loopy premise!

[waltsoph3]

By the by, I heard about a "reality" show on TV Land called The Cougar starring Vivica A. Fox where older women are paired up with younger men for romance and whatnot. What a loopy premise!

Yeah i saw a preview of that. The lady doesn't look bad at all. Just shows your never old to fall in love. I probably won't watch it..but it still intresting.lol

About this cougar story. Ok i'm defently glad to know this story is fake. The way i was reading it..it just sounded like a real story at first.

I know The onion is fake news..but i don't have time to look up every fake news site on the web.lol Again sorry for the mix up guys.

[Soluzar]

Yeah i saw a preview of that. The lady doesn't look bad at all.
This just in: Walt wouldn't mind being Cougar bait. :P

[Old Ape Face]

This just in: Walt wouldn't mind being Cougar bait. :P

Yeah but the thing is would the Cougar consider him good enough to be pray?

[goddessofanime]

ROFL at tags on this thread.

[The Million Dollar Prons]

Yeah but the thing is would the Cougar consider him good enough to be pray?

Oh wow Yuki vs Walt all you need now is Kenpachi and that Skaze guy and we can have like a tag team cage match

[Old Ape Face]

Oh wow Yuki vs Walt all you need now is Kenpachi and that Skaze guy and we can have like a tag team cage match

I can Play Fade to Black (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzK_EVul6dQ) on Guitar I think I win.

Solos and all mostly, I like the acoustic chord progressions mostly.

[Caster13]

Oh wow Yuki vs Walt all you need now is Kenpachi and that Skaze guy and we can have like a tag team cage match

Do not involve me in this.

[waltsoph3]

This just in: Walt wouldn't mind being Cougar bait. :P

Sorry guys. I'm afraid i'm not that eatable. Besides i'm not ready to be a part of the blue plate special. :P lol

(i could lay some real dirt on this topic but i do have manners. )

[Jia]

I thought we were talking about horny old ladies. Oops.

[Old Ape Face]

I thought we were talking about horny old ladies. Oops.

We are, what world did you come from?

[Jia]

We are, what world did you come from?

I was just checking I was on the right page.^_^

[xia]

Yeah I kept reading and was like...."This isnt real."
Then before I finished it finally dawned on me.


Tags the best new feature? yes/no

[goddessofanime]

Yeah I kept reading and was like...."This isnt real."
Then before I finished it finally dawned on me.


Tags the best new feature? yes/no

YES :D

*rolling on the floor reading tags*

[loplop]

I think this thread has more tags than any other at this point