Best/Funniest quotes

[Melion]

What is it that you thought was one of the best thing you heard? Movie, series, daily life anything.
Here is some I have heard.

"Now is the time to harnass the awesome masturbationpower of the sun!!"
Conan O´Brian about solar vibrators.

"If Jesus were alive today, we would kill him with lethal injection. I call that progress. We would have to kill him for the same reason he was killed the first time. His ideas are just too liberal."
Kurt Vonnegut - Armageddon In Retrospect

"Be quiet when you talk to me!"
My dad.

[SapperSix]

Best- "Being ready is not what matters. What matters is winning after you get there." By the legendary General Victor Krulak.

Funniest- "'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e
rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the
bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!" John Cleese

[Meggles]

This thread will either turn out amazing or go down in flames...

While my brother was gaming he attempted to sound tough by yelling, "You be the prince and I'll be the princess *****!"

oh and the one in my siggy.

[Old Ape Face]

Any quote taken from Reidar owns any quote posted thus far.

/thread

[SPARTAN117CJL]

These are people with epaulets, and they have to carry out orders, but the orders are not always humane and sometimes they are criminal… They need to think about whether it’s the right thing to do to carry them out. Of course, they may lose their epaulets. But they will remain human beings, with their dignity intact.

- Vasily A. Khanevich

[waltsoph3]

Theres many i would like to say but ill add more on at a later time. For now i have to say some of them were from Heith Ledger's final movie in batman...

"Why so serious. "

" And here we.......GO! "

[Caster13]

Observe the Office Space quote in my sig.

[Meggles]

The quote my swim team wanted to use on our t-shirts, "Go in hard, come out wet."

For some reason, Coach said no. :(

[Caster13]

I AM SICK OF THESE MOTHER****IN SNAKES ON THIS MOTHER****IN PLANE!!!

This thread needed it.

[superplough]

No, no, no. I just want you to know how-- I just want you to know how sorry we are that that things got so ****ed up with us and Mr. Wallace. It, we-we got into this thing with the best intentions. I never inte--
BANG.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue. You were sayin' something about "best intentions"? What's the matter? Oh, y-you were finished? Oh, well allow me to retort!


What does Marsellus Wallace look like?

What?

What country are you from?

What?

"What" ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in "What"?!

What?

English, mother****er! Do you speak it?!

Yes!

Then you know what I'm saying. Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like!

What?

Say "what" again. Say "what" again! I dare you! I double-dare you, mother****er! Say "what" one more goddamn time!

He-he's black.

Go on!

He's bald.

Does he look like a *****?

What?!
BANG.

*scream*

Does he look like a *****?!

No-o!

Then why'd you try to **** him like a *****, Brett?

I didn't!

Yes, you did! Yes, you did, Brett! You tried to **** him, and Marsellus Wallace don't like to be ****ed by anybody, except Mrs. Wallace. You read the Bible, Brett?

Yes.

Well, there's this passage I've got memorized, sort'a fits the occasion. Ezekial 25:17? "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers! And you will know name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"

BANG.

[waltsoph3]

samual jackson...pulp fiction....yes. :)

[Midoriko87]

Any quote taken from Reidar owns any quote posted thus far.

/threadYou and gohan... Seriously, y'all are like the Speaker in Shakespeare's early Sonnets, and Reidar is the young man. Oh, the imagery! Yukimura to Reidar:

Is it for fear to wet a widow's eye
That thou consum'st thyself in single life?
Ah, if thou issueless shalt hap to die,
The world will wail thee like a makeless wife;
The world will be thy widow and still weep
That thou no form of thee hast left behind....No love towards others in that bosom sits
That on himself such murd'rous shame commits.
Hmm, Reidar is pretty single, so that means... YUKI, YOU'RE THE REINCARNATION OF SHAKESPEARE, DUN DUN DUN! Don't doubt my astronomy! :angry:

Anyway, this is from some kid's blog, Charlie D's his name. It's called, "The Black Man's Guide to Cosplay."

As the summer rolls on, with the world getting hotter than hell (according to scientists and facts it's global warming; according to Republicans it's not hot in here, it's just you), I find myself thinking more and more frequently how much more comfortable I would be right now if I was dressed like Sailor Moon. Seriously, that skirt looks breezy. However, this is a dream that I fear will never come to fruition. Not because I'm a man, but because I am black.

Okay, to be fair, I'm only partly black (also, to be fair, according to many I'm only partly a man). And I've never been in a situation when I've felt explicitly an undoubtably discriminated against because of my race. Until now. Where my forefathers had Bull Connor, Strom Thurmond and Walt Disney, I'm forced to fight against the racist foe that is cosplay.

For the uninitiated, cosplay is a word which comes from the Latin cosplare, or "to dress up as one's favorite fictional character and go to an anime convention and never have sex in one's life." Usually, the person in question dons the costume of their favorite anime or video game character. It is an extremely popular hobby with schoolgirls in Japan. Every now and then, the results are hot in sort of a "make you feel like a filthy, horrible pervert" way. More often, the results are, well...they leave something to be desired. This is usually true of American cosplayers. The Japanese copslayers are just tremendous nerds. The American cosplayers are tremendous nerds, fat, and often middle-aged men.

But what about the tremendously nerdy, fat, middle-aged black men? There are so few cosplay options for my brothers. There are no black video game characters. I'd say that Donkey Kong is a vaible cosplay option for my fellow negroes, but then they'd call me the racist. As far as options for black men go, we have Barrett from Final Fantasy 7, but nobody I know is actually gangsta enough to pull off having a gun for an arm. The other option for my nubian friends is to go as Samus from Metroid, Master Chief from Halo, or some other character who is completely covered by armor. This has the added advantage that nobody can see your face. For a brief shining moment, it looked like the black man was to have a viable video game cosplay option, when Rockstar announced that CJ, the main character of San Andreas, was to be black. However, in San Andreas, you can make CJ look however you want to. You can cut his hair, make him fat or skinny or buff, and dress him up. He's like a Tomagotchi that beats hookers to death with shovels and hurls grenades at ambulances. Making CJ completely customizable is the ultimate "**** you" to black cosplayers, and all two of you should make a stand and rebel.

[Caster13]

No, no, no. I just want you to know how-- I just want you to know how sorry we are that that things got so ****ed up with us and Mr. Wallace. It, we-we got into this thing with the best intentions. I never inte--
BANG.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue. You were sayin' something about "best intentions"? What's the matter? Oh, y-you were finished? Oh, well allow me to retort!


What does Marsellus Wallace look like?

What?

What country are you from?

What?

"What" ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in "What"?!

What?

English, mother****er! Do you speak it?!

Yes!

Then you know what I'm saying. Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like!

What?

Say "what" again. Say "what" again! I dare you! I double-dare you, mother****er! Say "what" one more goddamn time!

He-he's black.

Go on!

He's bald.

Does he look like a *****?

What?!
BANG.

*scream*

Does he look like a *****?!

No-o!

Then why'd you try to **** him like a *****, Brett?

I didn't!

Yes, you did! Yes, you did, Brett! You tried to **** him, and Marsellus Wallace don't like to be ****ed by anybody, except Mrs. Wallace. You read the Bible, Brett?

Yes.

Well, there's this passage I've got memorized, sort'a fits the occasion. Ezekial 25:17? "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers! And you will know name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"

BANG.

I knew that the post right after mine was going to be this.

I'd say that Donkey Kong is a vaible cosplay option for my fellow negroes, but then they'd call me the racist.

:lol::lol::lol: If Videl was around, you might get banned for this.

[Melion]

"Where is that damn ball?!"
Our schools football team in a match. We were not good. ^_^

[Bisu]

"In today's news, Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer dead at 53. Yes, it is tragic. Rudolph reportedly hit a flock of seagulls and a 747 while flying over Barcelona earlier this morning. Eye witnesses confirm that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane." ~Colin Mochrie from Whose Line Is It Anyway.

[Jia]

You must be out your mind...you can't cut the cheese wherever you please........that's just nasty

[Ikari Warrior]

My favorite Family Guy random aside:

"I feel as happy as the Emperor when he learned the key to great Star Wars dialog."

"Something, something, something, something, DARK SIDE, something something something COMPLETE."

[max payne]

Look on the bright side; even if you guys die, I'll still be really handsome!

[Gibb]

"Use the instrument panel, that's what it's there for!" - Thumb Wars

[autsiticanime]

I'll start with this Bleach one.

Ichigo- "Doll? Thats not a very hip thing to say."
Hanataro- "Actually, it's not that hip to say hip"

"What a way to die. Shot by a transvestite on an unrealistic grassy knoll." Blackadder (Season 3)

[Old Ape Face]

Pope: Smite them!!! (at Stewie and Brian after hitting him with a hot air balloon)

Brief pause....

pope: He's a cooking up as somethin!!

[Haro!]

Good quotes:
When you see an object you make so many assumptions about that object in seconds, what it does, how well it's gonna do it, how much you think it should cost. The object testifies to the people that conceived it, developed it, manufactured it. - Jonathan Ive

It's not about money. It's about the people you have, how you're led, and how much you get it. - Steve Jobs

Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility. I chose honest arrogance and have seen no occasion to change. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Funny ones (okay I thought so, anyway):
You've baked a really lovely cake, but then you've used dog **** for frosting. - Steve Jobs

[Helvetica] was the default on the Apple Macintosh then became the default on Windows, which copied everything that Apple did, as you know, the interface and everything else, then they did the clone version, Arial, which is worse than helvetica - Erik Spiekermann

I do not take drugs. I am drugs. - Salvador Dalì

I tried sex once with a woman and that woman was Gala. It was overrated. I tried sex once with a man and that man was the famous juggler Federico Garcia Lorca. It was very painful. - Salvador Dalì

[Jia]

Some Jiaquotes were:

Jia's Friend: "So ****** what language do Mexicans speak?"
Jia:"In Mexico they speak Taco."

Sitting at the beach
Jia "What's underneath the sand at the beach?"
Jia's Other Friend: /facepalm

[Old Ape Face]

Some Jiaquotes were:

Jia's Friend: "So ****** what language do Mexicans speak?"
Jia:"In Mexico they speak Taco."

Sitting at the beach
Jia "What's underneath the sand at the beach?"
Jia's Other Friend: /facepalm


1. Wrong!!!! they speak Starbucks!!!

2. Buried treasure. :naughty:

[Jia]

Lol what's Starbucks?

And my friend said I need to stop asking questions lol.

I have NEVER been able to live those 2 moments down :(

[Old Ape Face]

Lol what's Starbucks?

And my friend said I need to stop asking questions lol.

I have NEVER been able to live those 2 moments down :(

OMG Starbucks is the Mexican version of Dunkin Donuts :O Without the donuts, and better coffee.

The Mexican version of Canada's Tim Thortons.

[Jia]

We don't have those here. :( Neither Dunking Donuts, Hortons or the Starbucks.

[Old Ape Face]

Ausy coffee house.

Sounds good to me.

Still the buried treasure :P

[Hisoka]

I'd take Dunkin' Donuts coffee over Starbucks 100/100 times.

[Old Ape Face]

Funny thing is I saw a Starbucks and a Dunkin Donuts in the same road side building. o.O

Ok back on topic.

(insert quote here)

[Jon]

From my Cross Country coach, "To be a runner, you must run." :lol:

[Meggles]

From my Cross Country coach, "To be a runner, you must run." :lol:

I love coaches. They have have just a little less intelligence than the average person, but make up for it in insanity.

[Ikari Warrior]

The best quote I've ever heard (yes I'm biased)
"Money comes and goes, but time only goes. Use your time wisely, as you only have one shot." -my late mentor

[superplough]

From Dude, Where's My Car

'Is that a barn?'
'Is it red?'
'No..'
'Then it's not a barn!'

[ranmachen]

They say you are what you eat, well tomorrow I could be you.

goes something like that, not sure where I heard it.

[Old Ape Face]

I love coaches. They have have just a little less intelligence than the average person, but make up for it in insanity.

Comedians have more intelligence then a coach, I mean hell you have to have a sence of pop culture as well as a crazy imagination and the sence of humor of cource.

then again a Coach has strategical intelligence, guess that's going somewhere.

[Jatz]

"You leave me little notes on my pillow. I told you a hundred-and-sixty-eight times I can't ... stand ... little notes on my pillow!

'We are all out of Corn Flakes. F.U'

It took me three hours to figure out that 'F.U.' was Felix Ungar!"

The Odd Couple

Sitting at the beach
Jia "What's underneath the sand at the beach?"
Jia's Other Friend: /facepalm

Rock.

[Caster13]

1. Wrong!!!! they speak Starbucks!!!

No, they speak McDonalds. And Indians speak Dunkin Donuts.

[Melion]

"I'm getting angry now, you got 10 seconds to start running."
My dad :P

[Jia]

My lawnmower quote:
"And the lawn mower goes NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIII along my window at 6am and I raged."

[superplough]

The one with the letters :D

:lol: Jia is the best.

[Ridley-X4]

"Great! I can't wait to bomb some dodongos!"

"My boy, this peace is what all true warriors strive for!"

"No! Not into the pit! It burrrrrrrnssss!!!"


"If you need instructions on how to get through the hotels, check out the enclosed instruction booklet."

"You know what they say, all toasters, toast toast!!"

[Meggles]

"Girls are like spikey fish. They're fun to look at but when you touch them, they hurt you...and its like ow."-Guy in my French class.

[tofuman]

"you do know Elvis is dead right?"

"No Elvis is not dead he just went home" - Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith in Men in Black

[Meggles]

"you do know Elvis is dead right?"

"No Elvis is not dead he just went home" - Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith in Men in Black

LOL I'm watching Independence Day and I just thought of that.

I love Men in Black. ^_^

[Jia]

:lol: Jia is the best.

<3

"Girls are like spikey fish. They're fun to look at but when you touch them, they hurt you...and its like ow."-Guy in my French class.

Hahaha that one made me lol.

[SapperSix]

"Wow... where do you get your weed?"
"From you Dante"
"Oh... THAT'S RIGHT! What's up Mr. Cheezle."

[ladyshiro]

"Come to the Dark side, we have cookies"

[shinri]

"Please try to understand before one of us dies!"
"Why don't you go and lie down before something else happens to you."
Both of these are from Fawlty Towers

[GreatNekoKoneko]

... that old guy from Boondock Saints, you know, the owner of the pub.

"Why don't you make like a tree, and GET THE F+CK OUT!".

[Old Ape Face]

"I once walked into a fight and a hockey game broke out."

[Ridley-X4]

Why is [Gurren Lagann] so terrible /m/? Can't you realize it? I mean nothing makes sense the creators have no sense of physics they must be idiots if they think drills can come out of nowhere like that! Robots don't work like that either and theres no such thing as beastmen. Seriously this show is terrible and stupid. I'd rather watch Strike Witches

Tieria does look a lot like Lelouch

The DS is easily the best emulator.

Can we all agree that Krystal dies or goes missing or something and the team is Peppy, Slippy, Fox and Falco again?

10character

[Caster13]

^That belongs in the Epic Fail thread.

[Melion]

(Gotta try get some life in this thread again)

"You love them balls man"
Soccer guy from Persona 4 :P

[KatayokuのTenshi]

I watched An episode of Blackadder (http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Blackadder#Plan_B:_Corporal_Punishment) last night. Totally loaded with hilarious lines. "General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett" and "THE FLANDERS PIGEON MURDERER!!" leap imediatly to mind.

Sitting at the beach
Jia "What's underneath the sand at the beach?"
Jia's Other Friend: /facepalm

Very clever, but it's no use. It's sand all the way down (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turtles_all_the_way_down) (a handy segue into another quote there).

1. Wrong!!!! they speak Starbucks!!!


And in Gibraltar they speak Gibberish.

From Dude, Where's My Car

'Is that a barn?'
'Is it red?'
'No..'
'Then it's not a barn!'

Barn quotes.

"'Tis a fine barn but sure 'tis no pool English."
"They couldn't hit the broad side of a barn from inside the barn."

^That belongs in the Epic Fail thread.

Or perhaps an epic trolling thread. Zelda CD-i quotes on the other hand... (http://animenation.net/forums/showpost.php?p=6531134&postcount=42)

[Jia]

That's not sand!!!

I agree with Hawking...only time will tell if there is really no sand.

[Trefellin]

Yogi Berra...

"You can observe a lot just by watching."

"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."

"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else."

"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."

"This is like deja vu all over again."

"If you can't imitate him, don't copy him."

[Justinian]

This was over our sink in the track/CC locker room-

"And on the seventh day, I ran."

[Jia]

Jia: *Looking through photography books*
Finds a book called "Picture catalog of horses"
Jia: This book has too many words for a picture book.


In fact the book had no pictures at all...