No Sex Since 1955

[loplop]

No Sex Since 2000

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

"The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"2000, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 2000! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 2000!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."

(Don't ya love military time?!)

[Gibb]

only works if written, but still a funny joke.

[Mr March]

LOL :) That's a great joke. Perfect for the net :)

[The Million Dollar Prons]

XD!!!


Man that sergant major tapped it multiple times and didn't call her back the next morning

[Trefellin]

Now the next joke has to be about the woman going to the doctor considering how much time the Sergant Major spent with the honeys in Saigon during the war.

[Leader Desslock]

It's a great joke, but it worked a bit better a couple of decades ago.

[GreatNekoKoneko]

... military time is still the best. gotta love this joke.

[Old Ape Face]

Serious with a sense of humor... there is still hope in the world XD

[loplop]

It's a great joke, but it worked a bit better a couple of decades ago.

True and easily fixed . . .

[Leader Desslock]

^ The problem is that "2000" isn't said aloud the same way that "20:00" is said aloud. In that sense, "1955" worked better, because it'd be said the same either way.

The way I'd fix it is to make it a period joke. Toss in a reference to his returning from Vietnam, maybe. Or just leave it as is, and let the audience work it out.

[Caster13]

Good joke. Spadesy will love it.

[Old Ape Face]

^ The problem is that "2000" isn't said aloud the same way that "20:00" is said aloud. In that sense, "1955" worked better, because it'd be said the same either way.

The way I'd fix it is to make it a period joke. Toss in a reference to his returning from Vietnam, maybe. Or just leave it as is, and let the audience work it out.

I do hear people say 2000 like Twenty hundred when referring to the year 2000, it's not common but I do hear people say it. like 20:09 it would be Twenty Zero Nine

I would expect people to say Twenty Ten when 2010 rolls around.

[ZSYigadar]

I hadn't heard the joke before and it read fine to me.

Though I found the "spoiler" part at the end a bit insulting...assuming I'd need the joke explained to me.

[tenshi_a]

^ The problem is that "2000" isn't said aloud the same way that "20:00" is said aloud. In that sense, "1955" worked better, because it'd be said the same either way.

The way I'd fix it is to make it a period joke. Toss in a reference to his returning from Vietnam, maybe. Or just leave it as is, and let the audience work it out.

.... -_-; people trying to "fix" a joke.

I thought it was really funny when it was 1955, I didn't understand when people said it only works written down, and I think it doesn't work at all when you change it to 2000.

Don't people say the time "19:55" as "Nineteen fifty five", "21:30" as "twenty one thirty", which both work..... but say "20:00" as "twenty hundred"? <--- which seems all wrong, btw. But otherwise it's twenty o'clock which is worse...

[Leader Desslock]

.... -_-; people trying to "fix" a joke.
Can you believe that comedians get paid to do this?

I thought it was really funny when it was 1955
It is, but the reason it worked better a couple of decades ago is because an audience might better be able to relate to a soldier who hadn't had sex since 1955. Told today, that would place the soldier in his... upper 60's - low 70's? A bit long in the tooth to shag two women in the course of an hour and a half, I think. This is a much better joke for a 1980 audience.

I didn't understand when people said it only works written down
I agree there. It works just as well spoken as written.

...and I think it doesn't work at all when you change it to 2000.
Agreed, as I said earlier.

Hey, the original joke worked as-written, letting the audience deal with the dates. But I come from a family that tends to call you on the semantics of any joke or story you've just told. We're competitive humorists, at times. I read it through, chuckled, then heard the voice of my brother saying, "1955? And he's still in the service?"

So I'd have added a couple of words to indicate that the soldier was home from Vietnam or something, which would date the joke back to the appropriate era without slowing down its delivery or making the dates awkward (i.e.: 2000 being "two thousand", rather than the required "twenty hundred" to make the joke work).

I know. Us meta-writers, always spoiling the fun by looking at the way something is written, rather than simply enjoying what is written. -_-;

[tenshi_a]

For some reason, my mind set the whole joke as taking place in 1976 when I read it. I don't know why. But that worked...

[Old Ape Face]

It is, but the reason it worked better a couple of decades ago is because an audience might better be able to relate to a soldier who hadn't had sex since 1955. Told today, that would place the soldier in his... upper 60's - low 70's? A bit long in the tooth to shag two women in the course of an hour and a half, I think. This is a much better joke for a 1980 audience.

Not that I have a problem with young (young being in their early to late 20s) Girls doing it with old farts in their 60s, but this joke did turn me away when I got the image of a guy from 1955 (:huh: a lack of sex for a good 40 years? I felt bad for the guy.) That's a bit much from my life time, even if I was born in the 80s.

[Xhalen]

So I guess the days when someone can just laugh at a joke are out the window?

[Gibb]

For some reason i thought you had to say "hours" after the time, such as 1955 hours, but I guess they can just say 1955. I agree that changing it to 2000 doesn't work at all tho.

[Meggles]

For some reason i thought you had to say "hours" after the time, such as 1955 hours, but I guess they can just say 1955. I agree that changing it to 2000 doesn't work at all tho.

Some of my family operates on military time. We usually just say "1400" or whatever.

[KatayokuのTenshi]

It's sad to think that we won't be able to make another joke like this for decades and have it work.

But just think, in 20 or so years we'll be able to use the joke but with 20:15 instead of 19:55

Doesn't that just fill you with indifference? :P

[Spadesy]

:lol:

Agreed, 1955 works better. Still an awesome joke though.

[ZSYigadar]

Haha, this had me in stitches! Well done loplop!

Though I do also find Leader Desslock's rendition of the joke humorous as well!

[Spadesy]

For some reason i thought you had to say "hours" after the time, such as 1955 hours, but I guess they can just say 1955. I agree that changing it to 2000 doesn't work at all tho.

The U.S Army says "19xx/whatever hours." USMC doesn't pull that stunt, just "1900" as "19-hundred." Not sure about the U.S Navy or Air Force.

[KatayokuのTenshi]

The U.S Army says "19xx/whatever hours." USMC doesn't pull that stunt, just "1900" as "19-hundred." Not sure about the U.S Navy or Air Force.

Real life people who use 24 hour clock also tend to leave off the "hours" at the end.

Edit: That's the weirdest thing I've posted this week... not "real" people... you know what I meant... right? :uhh:

[Jae Hoon]

... military time is still the best. gotta love this joke.

Funny thing is it really isn't just military time. Alot of the rest of the word uses that as well.