Now How Did Paris get off with 45 Days when THIS LADY...

[Alice Catherine]

Butts Charged With Stealing Toilet Paper (http://www.comcast.net/news/strange/index.jsp?cat=STRANGE&fn=/2007/06/11/686654.html&cvqh=itn_butts)

MARSHALLTOWN, Iowa - Police blame a woman named Butts for stealing toilet paper from a central Iowa courthouse, and while they're chuckling, the theft charge could put her in prison.

"She's facing potentially three years of incarceration for three rolls of toilet paper," Chief Lon Walker said, stifling a laugh as he talked to KCCI-TV about Suzanne Marie Butts. "See, I can't say it with a straight face."

Workers had noticed the rolls disappearing from the Marshall County Courthouse much faster than usual, Walker said.

Butts, 38, was caught last week after an employee saw her taking three rolls of two-ply tissue from a storage closet, Walker said.

Butts insisted it was the first time she'd pilfered toilet paper, but she declined to answer further questions on her attorney's advice.



...is potentially facing 3 years? Just isn't right.

[Jon]

How soft was the toilet paper?

[Alice Catherine]

Good question.

It didn't say.

[goddessofanime]

Tell me her husband/son/father's name is Seymor

[HSaabedra]

How soft was the toilet paper?

It wasn't worth it since she stole industrial one-ply i.e. sandpaper. Stupidity is strong in that one.

[Alice Catherine]

Tell me her husband/son/father's name is Seymor

It didn't say. Seriously.

[Jon]

^ Yeah, but I was going to assume she stole extra soft toilet paper, which would warrant the three year sentence. Everyone should know that they have to pay a premium price to wipe their *** with something soft.

[goddessofanime]

If I'm going to steal something from a courthouse it's gonna be office supplies or something really worthy.

Toilet paper? You can find some cheap enough depending where you live.

[HSaabedra]

If I'm going to steal something from a courthouse it's gonna be office supplies or something really worthy.

Toilet paper? You can find some cheap enough depending where you live.

If you're going to steal anything from a courthouse, steal stationery and forms.
Nothing screams fraud like a fraudulent release order on official stationery.

[Bernard_Monsha]

It wasn't worth it since she stole industrial one-ply i.e. sandpaper.

I buy the cheap stuff. The reason why is women either smoke, snort, or eat plush toilet paper. I am dead serious try it out yourself buy some double plush Charmin and watch the giant roll dwindle 40 times quicker than a man uses it or 30 times faster than the John Wayne brand.

[HSaabedra]

I buy the cheap stuff. The reason why is women either smoke, snort, or eat plush toilet paper. I am dead serious try it out yourself buy some double plush Charmin and watch the giant roll dwindle 40 times quicker than a man uses it or 30 times faster than the John Wayne brand.

I lived with my mom and sister for 6 years so I know exactly what you mean.

[CrossboneGundam]

"Potentially" doesn't mean "definitely."

[goddessofanime]

I buy the cheap stuff. The reason why is women either smoke, snort, or eat plush toilet paper. I am dead serious try it out yourself buy some double plush Charmin and watch the giant roll dwindle 40 times quicker than a man uses it or 30 times faster than the John Wayne brand.

Charmin's good for the butt.

[Alice Catherine]

I buy the cheap stuff. The reason why is women either smoke, snort, or eat plush toilet paper. I am dead serious try it out yourself buy some double plush Charmin and watch the giant roll dwindle 40 times quicker than a man uses it or 30 times faster than the John Wayne brand.

*raises hand*

Mr. Bernie, sir. I don't get it. Mah daddy buys the gritty stuff and it goes ten times faster than when we get the soft ones.

AND I DUN SMOKE!

[Haro!]

Charmin's good for the butt.

*raises hand*

Mr. Bernie, sir. I don't get it. Mah daddy buys the gritty stuff and it goes ten times faster than when we get the soft ones.

I got dirty thoughts just now

[Alice Catherine]

*kicks Haro in the nads*

You perv. It's because the gritty stuff's easier to write on!

[Haro!]

*kicks Haro in the nads*

What makes you so sure I don't like that sort of thing?

Anyway, damn stealing toilet paper gets you that much time? And of course it was the lousy kind. I can't imagine it being much better than the toilet paper at work which is lousy.

[Alice Catherine]

What makes you so sure I don't like that sort of thing?



Because NORMAL PEOPLE...

Wait. :eek:

I have realized the problem.

[Haro!]

Because NORMAL PEOPLE...

Wait. :eek:

I have realized the problem.

But even I would not steal crappy toilet paper, so you must admit I am normal in most sense of the word.

[sasami-riyo]

the strongest irony here is that someone named Butts is stealing toilet paper...

[Haro!]

the strongest irony here is that someone named Butts is stealing toilet paper...
Yeah people should really think about stuff like that before committing a crime. Future criminals, before you do your crime, think of the headline.

[Alice Catherine]

But even I would not steal crappy toilet paper, so you must admit I am normal in most sense of the word.

That's one detail.

[Bernard_Monsha]

When I go on archaeological digs around costal areas we can spot the outhouses by the high number of oyster shells. You can thank your lucky stars for Soviet bond paper in public restrooms.

[ryushe]

This is a joke article right?

Come on, Butts stealing toilet paper and might get locked up for it...Not even Colbert would think of something so absurd.

[Alice Catherine]

Nope. It was on Comcast.net.

[GreatNekoKoneko]

... who needs toilet paper when you have slaves lying around idly.

get them to work.

[RPGQueen]

... who needs toilet paper when you have slaves lying around idly.

get them to work.

What excatly are you going to do with the slaves? Please don't tell me you use slaves as toilet paper. :P

Anyways it's cause Paris is "special" and the average person isn't. also this is really funny cause I knew a guy who did steal toilet paper.

[Lord Dagoth]

"Potentially" doesn't mean "definitely."

Thanks Captain Obvious

[Animematt55]

Thanks Captain Obvious

And thank you Captain Obvious' sidekick
Boy Points out the Obvious
On topic
Part of it may be WHO she stole from..it isnt like she stole from a regular person

[VidelCoolGirl]

The law doesn't apply to celebrities.

[SammySammySammy]

I can see myself being that prick cop who was laughing on t.v., or the co-worker who wasn't mentioned that probably gave Butts the "awesome idea to steal toilet paper" and turn herself in for fifteen minutes of ironic fame. People who work at a court house most likely know this case will be thrown out the minute it hits the docket. It also is fishy to think that someone suspected the toilet paper was being stolen rather than just a homely office-shared, colon-cleaning virus running its course. And how the hell did they figure out it was her (bathroom cameras...YES)? No evidence whatsoever to support the co-worker idea, but eh?

[SammySammySammy]

sorry just re-read the story, my lovely memory lost the part about 'co-worker saw her take three rolls'. abuh?

[Alice Catherine]

Thanks Captain Obvious

But still, when Paris's case DID go to court, she was expected to serve at least 3 months, correct?

I understand that's not how it happy, but it does say in the article that this woman is going to get up to a year.

[pionj]

I don't know what is sadder. The fact that my hometown is close to where it happened or that I figured that it can only happen in Iowa.

[master terrence]

I've stolen toilet paper from porta-potties to use in the actual bathroom. Only at the big track meets though. The real bathrooms would always run out of paper before 1:00pm but the porta-potties were loaded, so I'd take some for my team to use in the real bathroom with an actual sink and stuff. I wouldn't take it home or anything.

I guess what that lady is doing is considered stealing.

[LadyNepenthe]

3 years for TOILET PAPER?! and paris gets a slap on the wrist for drunk driving twice...
....YAAAAY AMERICA!!!

[master terrence]

I blame cops more than politicians, although politicians are also to blame, the city manager is the *** hole who selected the sheriff to begin with, neither the city manager or the sheriff are elected officials. City manager is chosen by mayor, sheriff is chosen by city manager, that is why we have these types of problems.

[LadyNepenthe]

I blame cops more than politicians, although politicians are also to blame, the city manager is the *** hole who selected the sheriff to begin with, neither the city manager or the sheriff are elected officials. City manager is chosen by mayor, sheriff is chosen by city manager, that is why we have these types of problems.

lets just blame them all for being paid-off morons. I'm just glad that judge stepped in and called out that LA sheriff!

lets all just start an island community where we can all run away too and live like the "isle of dr. moro"...except no crazy animal experiments and less psycho-babble...faaar away from celebrity politics...

[master terrence]

I was living on that island (and doign a good job)... and then NPR started discussing Paris Hilton :/

[LadyNepenthe]

I was living on that island (and doign a good job)... and then NPR started discussing Paris Hilton :/

NPR?! dont they normally discuss world issues and politics? ...something seems wrong about that.

[master terrence]

I KNOW, I was like wth... but since it dealt with a police-judge conflict and dealt with my rights as a citizen to be treated equally (laugh) they discussed it.

[Alice Catherine]

I was living on that island (and doign a good job)... and then NPR started discussing Paris Hilton :/

DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT!

I had to force a gun off my head after they started it...

[Nano]

The law doesn't apply to celebrities.
No it does, you just have to take away their magical powers! Normally getting them drunk or high on drugs work.

[seba_boi]

Because toilet paper is more important than Paris Hilton...

[KatayokuのTenshi]

^ Yeah, but I was going to assume she stole extra soft toilet paper, which would warrant the three year sentence. Everyone should know that they have to pay a premium price to wipe their *** with something soft.'What lies in yon mystery closet? *squidge**squidge* You truely are the bog roll of Kings!'

Because NORMAL PEOPLE...Don't kick random people in the nads for no reason? I'm on to you! <_< Workers had noticed the rolls disappearing from the Marshall County Courthouse much faster than usual, Walker said.You're tax dollars at work people! :P

[master terrence]

DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT!

I had to force a gun off my head after they started it...

was that sarcasm... or was it because your dad's a cop?

...then again, I haven't met many cops that listen to NPR (they exist though)

I love watching cops dipping from their job to read the newspaper at the airport. Smart guys.

[Haro!]

DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT!

I had to force a gun off my head after they started it...

Alice listens to NPR... I'm starting to rethink my choice of radio now.

[master terrence]

^ I was actually surprised by that too.

[Alice Catherine]

I don't understand why you guys are surprised. I'm really into politics, legal things, world and current events, History...Mr. R said it would be a shame if I weren't accepted into Honors History.

[Dorktron2000]

This is an important point: California is a magical land distinct from the rest of the United States. There DUI license revision aren't automatic but happen under the discretion of the DMV.

Link: http://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com/2007/06/nicole-richie-should-be-in-jail.html

[Old Ape Face]

The planets' alignment has shifted

[Animematt55]

The planets' alignment has shifted

To Lawful Evil?