Question About Relationships

[F Stop]

So a couple months ago my then girlfriend and I broke up, in particularly heartbreaking fashion (for me).

I'll spare you the details, but the feelings of "wow that really F-ing sucked" definitely still remain.

So here's the question: For those that have seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, if that technology really existed, would you take advantage of it if you could?

[Reidar]

No. If I wanted to erase my memories, then I can't tell myself that I haven't wasted my life. Everything has happened for a reason, good or bad. That derived conclusion is what you choose to make of it. Every moment of consciousness should be put at value. There's plenty of time to sleep when you're dead.

If I forgot my experiences, I would still be pretty great, but not the greatest, like I am now.

[Tidusauron12]

There is some crap I just want to delete. Mostly **** that in the past has derailed me from my path to be the best pianist. (Final Fantasy, girlfriends, basically everything that is distracting). Then again... that's part of sticking to your dream.

[superplough]

There's nothing I want to delete but plenty I want to add, is there a machine that does that?

[F Stop]

No. If I wanted to erase my memories, then I can't tell myself that I haven't wasted my life. Everything has happened for a reason, good or bad. That derived conclusion is what you choose to make of it. Every moment of consciousness should be put at value. There's plenty of time to sleep when you're dead.

If I forgot my experiences, I would still be pretty great, but not the greatest, like I am now.

That's a really good point, and I know that dealing with the bad times is part of life. Still though...

[tenshi_a]

I haven't seen that film but I get the gist... is the question whether I'd opt for selective amnesia?

The answer is no.

So... since you're asking such a pain-filled question, is there anything any of us can do to help you?

[Reidar]

There is some crap I just want to delete. Mostly **** that in the past has derailed me from my path to be the best pianist. (Final Fantasy, girlfriends, basically everything that is distracting). Then again... that's part of sticking to your dream.

If it was easy and straightforward, everybody would be an accomplished pianist, and your feat would be nothing special.

[Holy Knight]

There's nothing I want to delete but plenty I want to add, is there a machine that does that?

Amen.

If I had to choose between deleting my one painful memory or injecting the sum of humanity's negative experiences, I'd choose the second option.

I consider forgetting anything to be anathema. You are by what you experience. I wouldn't wish to diminish that no matter the pain, since all things eventually end. What's a little pain when you can become better by knowing you went through it and using it to construct a positive future? You grow by failing as much as you do by gaining; in both cases, you get something.

What matters is how you decide to use it.

At least, that's the way I see it.

[Depression]

Nope. You can't learn from your mistakes unless you still remember them.

The phrase "live and learn" really is the truth.

I'll take knowledge over youth anyday.

[Soluzar]

There... have been times when I would have said yes. However, I'm glad that the option does not exist. My memories are the only thing that is truly mine. They are the only things I have which are unique, and not mass produced. In time they will fade, but the important, meaningful parts will still remain.

Our memories are the main thing that makes us who we are. The personality is shaped by the experiences and the memories, for better or for worse. Every thing I have done, everything I have experienced has brought me to this point in my life. Even the unpleasant memories have shaped me and made me who I am.

To erase any of those memories is to hate the person that I am, and to erase him from existance. Someone else will still stand in my place, but it won't be me. It would be no better than suicide.

[Sora N]

Nope…I want to keep all of my memories…

[Hajime Saitou]

For once I'm not going to take a hard stance on something. I personally would not want to forget anything that I have experienced, but that is because I have never experienced anything even remotely bad. I've had a good life, and I accept that without complaining.

But, that doesn't mean that there aren't really bad things that can happen to you. There are some things that I think people would benefit from forgetting. I don't want to mention them, but I'm sure that with just a few seconds of brainstorming, everyone will be able to come up with at least 1 or 2.

[F Stop]

I haven't seen that film but I get the gist... is the question whether I'd opt for selective amnesia?

The answer is no.

So... since you're asking such a pain-filled question, is there anything any of us can do to help you?

No, but thank you! It's just something I'll have to come to terms with over time. I'm already dating again, and overall am fairly happy.

It's just the way in which we broke up that bothers me so much. She broke up with me while I was IN the hospital after almost dying...

[Soluzar]

It's just the way in which we broke up that bothers me so much. She broke up with me while I was IN the hospital after almost dying...
That's seriously cold blooded, man. I'm sorry to hear that. Was it a long-term relationship, or just a recent thing?

[Tidusauron12]

If it was easy and straightforward, everybody would be an accomplished pianist, and your feat would be nothing special.

Yep, that's why I'm proud to be a successful pianist who actually has ground to brag on. :P

[Caine]

For once I'm not going to take a hard stance on something. I personally would not want to forget anything that I have experienced, but that is because I have never experienced anything even remotely bad. I've had a good life, and I accept that without complaining.

But, that doesn't mean that there aren't really bad things that can happen to you. There are some things that I think people would benefit from forgetting. I don't want to mention them, but I'm sure that with just a few seconds of brainstorming, everyone will be able to come up with at least 1 or 2.

QFT

I have nothing in my mind that I feel I would be better off forgetting, but I can definitely think of some things that I could definitely understand wanting to forget.


It's just the way in which we broke up that bothers me so much. She broke up with me while I was IN the hospital after almost dying...

Holy ****, that sucks. I'm really sorry man.
Here's hoping you a full and quick recovery.

[F Stop]

That's seriously cold blooded, man. I'm sorry to hear that. Was it a long-term relationship, or just a recent thing?

1.5 years, and we lived together for an entire year.

I did so much for this chick. I moved her out here from Florida, basically paid all the bills with the exception of groceries, helped her get a new car, etc.

It's not even so much the fact that we're not dating anymore. I'm ok with that. It's more the fact that she could care less about any of what I just mentioned.

Yes, life is a series of learning experiences, and I did learn a big lesson with this bucciach.

The worst thing about it is it didn't phase her at all to do that to me at the LOWEST point of my life...

[Soluzar]

The worst thing about it is it didn't phase her at all to do that to me at the LOWEST point of my life...
Yeah. After that long, you'd think she could maybe wait until you were back at home at least. You would assume she cared about you that much...

[The Million Dollar Prons]

Memories of what? I sit at home all day and post on the Internet!

[Bernard_Monsha]

1.5 years, and we lived together for an entire year.



You will be much better in 9 months. It usually takes about 1/2 the time you were in the relationship to get over it. The wonderful thing about it is one day you will simply stop careing about it and move on to plow new pastures without longing for the old ones.

[Tidusauron12]

Yeah. After that long, you'd think she could maybe wait until you were back at home at least. You would assume she cared about you that much...

I don't understand why people do this to eachother. Crap like that is just plain horrible. I don't care what circumstances she was under, that was just wrong.

[Sora N]

No, but thank you! It's just something I'll have to come to terms with over time. I'm already dating again, and overall am fairly happy.

It's just the way in which we broke up that bothers me so much. She broke up with me while I was IN the hospital after almost dying...



Wow…I’m so sorry that happened to you. I wish the best for you in the future!^_^

[Haro!]

I forget stuff like that at will.

[CrossboneGundam]

No. Your experiences are what make you who you are. If you erase them, you erase yourself.

Anyway, ever heard the saying "don't get angry, get even"?

[Tidusauron12]

Anyway, ever heard the saying "don't get angry, get even"?


Oh please, if you mean that in a vengeful way (which is the way I percieved it), then I say that that saying is wrong in the context you're using it in. Going after someone to get even after such a happening would only cause more grief, in my opinion.

I think the only thing you can do F Stop, is move on, man. Time will heal this wound, not vengence.

[CrossboneGundam]

Oh please, if you mean that in a vengeful way (which is the way I percieved it), then I say that that saying is wrong in the context you're using it in. Going after someone to get even after such a happening would only cause more grief, in my opinion.

Then what, pray tell, does it mean, o master of English?

[Tidusauron12]

Then what, pray tell, does it mean, o master of English?

What does what mean? :huh:

[Ikari Warrior]

Then what, pray tell, does it mean, o master of English?
Yeah, seriously. Love it or hate it, the phrase "don't get mad, get even" is meant specifically for revenge.

As for erasing my memories, I'd never want to. Then I'll just make the same damn stupid mistake, and forget that I had my memory erased, and then get caught in a vicious cycle. There are times that I wish I'd never met my ex-gf, more for what I did to her than what she did to me. However, I have to remember what I did in the past, so that I can treat her (and future girlfriends) right.

If I were in your position, F Stop, I would not want to forget about this. It's a harsh lesson, but it's a lesson all the same: some girls are *****es and they will be that way when you least expect it for reasons you cannot define. Did you deserve to have this lesson? I'm going to assume no; you've always struck me as a really nice guy. But now that the lesson's learned, you can focus on rebuilding your life (which you're doing), and make sure that future girls you date don't exhibit traits the previous one showed to you.

[Tidusauron12]

Yeah, seriously. Love it or hate it, the phrase "don't get mad, get even" is meant specifically for revenge.




What I meant was that it's ok to use that saying and apply it to life when it's not in a situation like F Stop's. What could he gain from getting revenge on someone like that (reffering to the girl who left him)?

[Hybrid Shock]

i think that we are who we are by the experiences that we've gone though. like in that reinstall thread, i wouldn't be such a jerk to computer users if i havn't had to deal with really stupid ones so often (back in the day under "Nakey", yeah i would have actually posted something that would really help him)

It's logical and rational to want to remove something that causes you so much emotional pain. however, love isn't emotional nor rational. I hate what my ex did to me and the way she broke up with me. however, removing her from my memory would remove all the fun times, and the feelings i felt for her.

sometimes life just sucks, but when it does, we get the experience and wisdom so that "teh sucking" doesn't happen again

What i would give for, however, is to be able to inject knowledge into my brain. ya know, injecting stuff like knowing Japanese, knowing how to program, stuff like that...

i am glad that you're on your way again though. that's a good thing. this cynical little hopeless romantic is, unlike you, a lost cause...

[Rurouni Saiyan]

1.5 years, and we lived together for an entire year.

I did so much for this chick. I moved her out here from Florida, basically paid all the bills with the exception of groceries, helped her get a new car, etc.

It's not even so much the fact that we're not dating anymore. I'm ok with that. It's more the fact that she could care less about any of what I just mentioned.

Yes, life is a series of learning experiences, and I did learn a big lesson with this bucciach.

The worst thing about it is it didn't phase her at all to do that to me at the LOWEST point of my life...

Ok, not to sound too crass, but a lot of that was kinda dumb, paying all her bills and such. Should've made her pull her own weight. Secondly, you moved out of your comfort sphere, assuming Colorado from what you've said about yourself in earlier posts, to move to Florida, a foreign area that you may know nothing about or know no one there. Then again, Sigmund Freud said that one does foolish things when in love. That raises other questions, but I won't get into that digression for now.

All in all, take from this valuable experience, so that you may never fall for another trap like this again.

Also, one of my college professors once told me that in life, a man needs two things: a job and a hobby. The former to sustain you and the latter to keep you sane. I'm sure you got these two covered, so no worries there :)

[Soluzar]

Ok, not to sound too crass, but a lot of that was kinda dumb, paying all her bills and such. Should've made her pull her own weight. Secondly, you moved out of your comfort sphere, assuming Colorado from what you've said about yourself in earlier posts, to move to Florida, a foreign area that you may know nothing about or know no one there.
I think he's saying that he arranged for her to move from Florida to Colorado.

[KatayokuのTenshi]

There's nothing I want to delete but plenty I want to add, is there a machine that does that?
Seen Total Recall?
There... have been times when I would have said yes. However, I'm glad that the option does not exist. My memories are the only thing that is truly mine. They are the only things I have which are unique, and not mass produced. In time they will fade, but the important, meaningful parts will still remain.

Our memories are the main thing that makes us who we are. The personality is shaped by the experiences and the memories, for better or for worse. Every thing I have done, everything I have experienced has brought me to this point in my life. Even the unpleasant memories have shaped me and made me who I am.

To erase any of those memories is to hate the person that I am, and to erase him from existance. Someone else will still stand in my place, but it won't be me. It would be no better than suicide.
That's exactly what I was going to say but ... said ...more .. better.
1.5 years, and we lived together for an entire year.

I did so much for this chick. I moved her out here from Florida, basically paid all the bills with the exception of groceries, helped her get a new car, etc.

It's not even so much the fact that we're not dating anymore. I'm ok with that. It's more the fact that she could care less about any of what I just mentioned.

Yes, life is a series of learning experiences, and I did learn a big lesson with this bucciach.

The worst thing about it is it didn't phase her at all to do that to me at the LOWEST point of my life...:blink:That's the sort of thing you don't think happens in really life, I mean that's terrible. The important thing is to stop grieving ... and start hating! ...or, some more useful piece of advice, I'm probably not the best person to be advising anyone. :|

[Evil_Koala]

You must win her heart back with a dual with her new husband! *plays Spanish nobility music*

[Hybrid Shock]

You must win her heart back with a dual with her new husband! *plays Spanish nobility music*

or just kill them both. less idiots in the gene pool, the better =3

kidding, but i say this in all seriousness, revenge after heartbreak is the worst place to be.. it really screws with both your head and heart.. don't go there people...

[Evil_Koala]

or just kill them both. less idiots in the gene pool, the better =3

kidding, but i say this in all seriousness, revenge after heartbreak is the worst place to be.. it really screws with both your head and heart.. don't go there people...

It's the only way to regain your honor!

You can call me Aaron Burr by the way I'm droppin Hamiltons!

[F Stop]

Rurouni, she's in school, and doesn't make **** for money. WTF was I supposed to do?

Lesson learned. Thanks for the input guys!

[Rurouni Saiyan]

Rurouni, she's in school, and doesn't make **** for money. WTF was I supposed to do?

Lesson learned. Thanks for the input guys!

Still doesn't mean she couldn't pull weight. She could've applied for financial aid or gotten a job, assuming that's the case. I was in school, and I did the mentioned things to stay afloat, so what's her excuse?

In short, it wasn't your responsibility to see to her education.

You can buy a woman all the gifts in the world and alleviate all her financial woes, it still don't mean a thing at the end of the day.

:cheers: Glad you learned your lesson. However, don't be so quick to get into another relationship. Time for some you time. Focus on yourself and only yourself. She comes crawling back, give her the cold shoulder. Matter of fact, don't even talk to her. Once she's gone, she stays gone.

[Lord Dagoth]

It's pretty obvious what you have to do to get over her. You have to **** her mother.

[superplough]

Seen Total Recall?
Oh yeah I forgot about that, great movie. Lets get one of those.
It's pretty obvious what you have to do to get over her. You have to **** her mother.
:lol:

[Sendo Takeshi]

It's just the way in which we broke up that bothers me so much. She broke up with me while I was IN the hospital after almost dying...


Welcome to the wonderful world of women(WWW). My ex-gf broke up with me via text message after cheating on me with a dude in Texas and me finding out about the entire ordeal. Why did she do it? Because she knew that things were gonna get really tense if she said something like that to my face while taking into account of all the things she did.

But yeah, destiny probably did you a favor by making the ***** a free-agent. Be proud and move on. Yeah, it takes a while and whatnot to get over these little things, but you're already dating. So, good sh!t.

And would I want my memories erased? Nah. I like living with the hate. To know when things aren't going so well for the ex-gf usually brings a smile to my face.




Whoa, whoa, whoa. How could I pass up on this mighty gem right here?

1.5 years, and we lived together for an entire year.

Nothing wrong with that.

I did so much for this chick. I moved her out here from Florida, basically paid all the bills with the exception of groceries, helped her get a new car, etc.

Yeah, no. You did EVERYTHING, but buy her groceries. Even if she was in school, she could still manage time for a job. I did it, everyone has done it, then so can she. She was just straight up lazy. She took advantage of you. Free rooming, A F-ING CAR(!), PAID ALL OF HER BILLS?! Hell, no. I hope she gave good head.

It's not even so much the fact that we're not dating anymore. I'm ok with that. It's more the fact that she could care less about any of what I just mentioned.

Again, welcome to the wonderful world of women. Women are like that sometimes. Most of them end up being grimey about things. This is the exact same reason why I don't go out of my way to actually spend money on women. They end up not appreciating it(like a lot of people in general).

The worst thing about it is it didn't phase her at all to do that to me at the LOWEST point of my life...

It never does. Women have it easier when it comes to breaking up because they got the network(i.e. other coniving women like themselves) and they'll find a new **** to hang off by the end of the week. My girl didn't give a damn until I made it worth her while and she ended up shedding a few tears. Good times.

But yeah, just forget the *****(because that's what she is after what she did to you), and keep dating. The most you can do is end up hating her for a long, long, time. I still hate my ex-gf till this day. She tries talking to me and I simply ignore her. :)

[Mooserocka]

nah why you gotta learn from your mistakes so girls dont fuk with your head again. Thier all *****es, and mean, an d concieted but i still luv em to death and get taken advantage of chicks are like the devil

[Jabberwock]

Yeah, this is a pretty volatile thread.

I always wondered why otherwise erroneous threads quickly became locked, but ones that profess the great *****ery of women never do. ^^;;

Anyhoo, F Stop's learned his lesson and I'm pretty sure this topic is done. Hate to minimod (but not enough not to do it :P), but I'm afraid of where this might go.

[F Stop]

Yeah, this is a pretty volatile thread.

I always wondered why otherwise erroneous threads quickly became locked, but ones that profess the great *****ery of women never do. ^^;;

Anyhoo, F Stop's learned his lesson and I'm pretty sure this topic is done. Hate to minimod (but not enough not to do it :P), but I'm afraid of where this might go.

There's absolutely no reason to lock this. It's a good discussion.

[Soluzar]

I always wondered why otherwise erroneous threads quickly became locked, but ones that profess the great *****ery of women never do. ^^;;
Read through the topic. I count two members in total who are generalising women in an unfavourable way. There could be maybe one more that I missed. Everyone else is professing the enormous *****ery of this one specific woman, which is pretty much an open-and-shut case unless you think F Stop has any reason to lie to us.

If those posts offend you, then you need to either offer an alternative viewpoint, or use the report button. It's in the top right of each post. Saying that you think the topic is about done won't do anything, since people are still free to make posts.

In fact, what both of them said probably applies to a substantial degree to men, from the woman's point of view. I'm only guessing here, since a woman's point of view is something I won't ever have, but the truth is that a lot of people (men and women) treat each other like crap when in a relationship. We just have different ways of doing it. Face it, nice guys and nice girls are both in the minority. Like maybe 3% of the population.

[Leader Desslock]

If I had to choose between deleting my one painful memory or injecting the sum of humanity's negative experiences, I'd choose the second option.
Assuming it didn't kill you, I'd probably be next in line. Can you imagine the perspective that'd give you? Nothing would ever bother you again, because in perspective, it'd all be fairly trivial.

Our memories are the main thing that makes us who we are. The personality is shaped by the experiences and the memories, for better or for worse. Every thing I have done, everything I have experienced has brought me to this point in my life. Even the unpleasant memories have shaped me and made me who I am.
In the words of James T. Kirk, "I ... need my ... pain. It's what ... makes .... me who ... I ... am." (Star Trek V)

The wonderful thing about it is one day you will simply stop careing about it and move on to plow new pastures without longing for the old ones.
Funy how the human brain does that, isn't it? It's like one day, someone manages to flip the right switch, and you can't imagine how you ever cared about something you were moping about the day before.

[Jabberwock]

There's absolutely no reason to lock this. It's a good discussion.
Except... it's off-topic.

I've seen other threads like this degenerate into the conversation here and were locked b/c of that. I welcome talk about the differing views of relationships and the responsibilities of the parties, etc., etc., but you asked a question that has been answered by most of the constituents here and continued on as a different vein.

Read through the topic. I count two members in total who are generalising women in an unfavourable way. There could be maybe one more that I missed. Everyone else is professing the enormous *****ery of this one specific woman, which is pretty much an open-and-shut case unless you think F Stop has any reason to lie to us.
I've read it. And that it's headed in the direction of generalisation prompts me to think that the topic at hand is already spent.

Don't get me wrong. I definitely sympathize with ya, F Stop. But I thought we were talking about generalised notions of relationships and how memory is involved. What I'm getting at is the fact that F Stop has chosen not to forget and most of us would agree with that.

Actually remembering the incidents here is kinda... yeah. Off-topic.

But, in an attempt to get it back on track instead of locking, can anyone give me a reason why they would want to forget?

Maybe to avoid PTSD or other insignificant details, but I'm finding difficulty finding a reason to forcefully forget any kind of life lesson.

[Soluzar]

I've read it. And that it's headed in the direction of generalisation prompts me to think that the topic at hand is already spent.
I am pleased that you are not a moderator, in that case, since it is my opinion that off-topic threads really aren't affected too badly by a little bit of topic drift.

[KatayokuのTenshi]

Except... it's off-topic.
*Checks title of forum* So I wasn't just imagining it then. :P

If you shackle a thread to a single point of discussion then we'd never get anywhere, topics change as more people add their points of view. I don't think this is a bad thing. What would have happened if someone had told Einstein to stop daydreaming and get back to his ...clerking?

[Rain]

Sue the ***** and make her pay!

In all seriousness, no, I wouldn't want any of my memories—painful or otherwise—to be erased, since my memories are precious to me, and I'd never want to forget.

[Hybrid Shock]

Face it, nice guys and nice girls are both in the minority. Like maybe 3% of the population.

and both have been trampled upon so badly that they're all now cynical and hate-filled

not thinking of anyone in particular :-"

[MaliceDR]

What of making up for wasted time? I spent much of my high school and early college years on an ADHD medication that essentially secluded me in my own little shell. It went off the market at the end of 2005 and was put on some new stuff that didn't suppress me. As a result I've greatly developed my social skills and excelled in college, pulling my grades from a C to a B/A average and my GPA above a 3.0 (I damned hard feat: I had over 80 credits under my belt at that point).

My greatest regret about this is that I wasted a good 6 to 7 years of my prime life walled up in my own little mentally suppressed world when I had this great potential the entire time. This month I turn 23 and I've never had a girlfriend, a close-knit network of friends, or a degree that will get me a job I am interested in (the later I am well on my way to correcting.) I wish there were some way to go back and make good use of that wasted time.

[MaliceDR]

And why the hell am I spilling my guts in a thread that's topic is only vaguely similar to that of what I bring up? BLEH!!

[Ikari Warrior]

So, to sum this thread up: erasing memories leads to a vicious cycle.

And Jabber needs to learn moderation is your job, Fstop, not his :P

[Sendo Takeshi]

and both have been trampled upon so badly that they're all now cynical and hate-filled



Yeah, because it's hella fun to be taken advantage of.

[MaliceDR]

Yeah, because it's hella fun to be taken advantage of.
Yeah. :uhh:

[Leader Desslock]

What of making up for wasted time?...I wish there were some way to go back and make good use of that wasted time.
Then again, it might just be the case that realizing that time was wasted (once your meds changed) was the cause for your subsequent ambition. That is, if you'd never wasted that time, maybe you'd have never realized how precious that time was, and maybe you wouldn't have been inspired to make as much of it as you obviously did.

It's best not to second-guess the past too much. It happened, we are what we've become, and if we have any problems with the way we turned out, those of us remaining on top of the turf still have time to change.

[F Stop]

I agree it's a good thing Jabberwock is not a mod. You seem real high strung bro. Calm down...