A Modest Proposal

[master terrence]

I'm sure most of you've read Jonathan Swift's modest proposal to solve famine...

got any modest proposals of your own?

:lol: this'll be fun.

[superplough]

easy. cannabilsm. that would solve both famine and overpopulation at once.

[Caine]

apply Swift's ideas to Mexico

[Rain]

easy. cannabilsm. that would solve both famine and overpopulation at once.

Now, what did Willy Wonka have to say about Cannibalism...

"Everything in this room is eatable. Even I am eatable. But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies."

[Holy Knight]

I'd give food as the only commodity to be accepted through a communistic economy. If ressources cannot be equally divided among us all, then there should at least be enough food everyone to live.

As for Swift's proposal, it is not very practical considering the rate at which such food is produced. A man needs to eat everyday, whereas the proposed meat comes only once per nine months. Not practical I say. Vegetarianism is the way.

[Ikari Warrior]

A man needs to eat everyday, whereas the proposed meat comes only once per nine months.
..........
We'll need to assemble a group of super-virile men scoring around the clock. Kif, clear my schedule

[Caine]

^I think the real reason its impractical is because the resources consumed by the child are greater than those produced by it.

He never suggested that this would be sufficient in and of itself, only that it might ease the strain enough.


I propose we take over Canada. we should simply declare all of it (except Quebec, because we don't really want Quebec, nobody does) to be the property of the USA.

[Leader Desslock]

Suicide Bomber Training Camps, with Live-Fire Training Exercises.

[Caine]

Suicide Bomber Training Camps, with Live-Fire Training Exercises.

that is beyond brilliant

[grunge]

Pffft, zombies grow in numbers while we're trying to decide what to do with ourselves. I say we put those new borns into the military machine and have a larger army then china. I believe that America can produce a better and larger army then China. We'll need them to kill the zombies. Level one of the infection is 10-30 and can be controlled but level 2 is 100-500 and that's when we're screwed because we'll be eating our children.... Better yet we can throw the over-popullating countries new borns into the way. If the zombies don't attack we can use the first born as a payment choice apossed to Cash, credit or debit.

[CrossboneGundam]

I'm sure most of you've read Jonathan Swift's modest proposal to solve famine...

got any modest proposals of your own?

:lol: this'll be fun.

Is modest now a synonym for "stupid"?

[Leader Desslock]

^ Yep, it has been ever since the early 1700s. Gotta love Dr. Swift.

For anyone who hasn't read A Modest Proposal for preventing the children of poor people in Ireland, from being a burden on their parents or country, and for making them beneficial to the publick., you can do so here:

http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext97/mdprp10.txt

Scroll down about halfway to get past the Project Gutenberg stuff.

[HSaabedra]

How does this compare to the hypercapitalist policies of Marx?

[Bernard_Monsha]

I'd give food as the only commodity to be accepted through a communistic economy. If ressources cannot be equally divided among us all, then there should at least be enough food everyone to live.

As for Swift's proposal, it is not very practical considering the rate at which such food is produced. A man needs to eat everyday, whereas the proposed meat comes only once per nine months. Not practical I say. Vegetarianism is the way.

Actually food is used in communism to control the population. In the gulag you are given exactly the amount of food required to sustain life, if you do not produce the required amount of labour your ration is cut. It is actually better that way, you will starve sooner.

Vegetrianism goes against millions of years of evolution. There is a reason why carnivores and omnivores have larger brains than herbivores. It is that wonderful cocktail of protiens and other goodies not available to cud chewers.


I think it would be benificial to mankind to install explosive devices in car stereos so if the decibel volume gets up to a certain point it kills the morn rattling windows and walls in said neighborhood.

[Caine]

^what a waste of a perfectly good car. Isn't there some way to only kill the people without wrecking the vehilce? Close the windows and pump the CO into it?

[grunge]

^police brutality would actually solve it.

[Justinian]

For Preventing the Obese Family Members of Normal Tax Paying Citizens of America from Being a Burden to Their Society or Loved Ones, and for Making Them Beneficial to the State and Endangered Cats

Does it not make ones arteries feel clogged when one drives down the street only to see 4 or 5 fast food restaurants brimming to the building's legal carrying capacity with obese self indulgent middle aged adults along with their equally large and easily influenced children whom have picked up on their parents bad eating habits? The disadvantage these people are at is immeasurable as they claim to be grounded to a life without exercise. Obese citizens are limited (by their current state of being of course) to only a couch and television in the common case. This affects the entire family as they have to feed and smell this thing during their persistent daily life. A burden put on a family by the lard could consist of anything from a bad influence on the children to troubled marital relations and a displeasing sex life for reasons of fatigue and poor blood flow to certain areas due to clogged arteries throughout ones circulatory system. Could one imagine... just for a moment... trying to wash up kids while they're kicking and screaming, then going on to clean, vacuum, scrub floors and then preparing dinner all by themselves while their fat spouse continues a constant heckle of, “Is that food ready yet?”, “My crack itches!”, “Did you pick up that ointment?”, “What's going on with the satellite?”, or most commonly, “It's too bright in here turn off that light!”. This problem must be solved!
From my understanding 64% of America adults in this country are considered “obese”. That leaves a mere 36% of the rest of the population to feed, clothe and socialize with these people. With these overwhelming statistics, the families in this country deserve better. They deserve more, and the fat ones deserve less. My intentions go beyond only aiding the families who can't get the fat to work or be productive in anything besides World of Warcraft. The solution I plan to propose not only aids to the overall health of the population... it also exercises and provokes morals we all carry deep in our consciousness. It will affect how everyone lives their daily lives.
Simple exercise and dieting is inconsistent and is obviously not enough. There is a flaw not in the processes themselves, but in the mechanisms that motivate people to exercise and diet. One cannot uphold a motivation to run or eat less than 6,000 calories every day on their own will power or even on the complaints of a family member. Just look at all of the diet plans offered to the public and yet the majority of the adult population are still quite large. It just leads us to the conclusion that people are not motivated. I can assume that it is safe to say there is not one obese person that is truly pleased to be fat. But, that does not omit the fact that it is still a choice. It is a preventable situation of course, but now the question is what will force motivation?
My proposal would consist of something that can effectively motivate people to exercise without any chance of quitting until they are in the best shape of their lives. I would like society to consider allowing a large wild feline to be placed in each residence of the obese citizens in the US. The fat family member will have their room excavated by the local law enforcement and cleared of any valuables that may or could be broken by coming into contact with said large wild feline: computers, televisions, alarm clocks, furniture, etc. Once the room is pronounced suitable for use a single wooden pole is placed on the wall and a bed of straw is strewed out in the middle.
Once the useless commodities are taken away and the essential ones are placed the hefty contestant is then lead into the room along with any species of large hungry cat. The specifications of the cat matter not as long as it is considered dangerous by most and hungry most importantly. Making sure the cats are not fed before and exercise session is a key ingredient in this routine. Seeing as hungry cats like to eat... they can be provided with their much needed food source if the contender fails to properly ward off the furry feline thus motivating the cat to attack and give the fat contender the exercise he needs. Once the human and cat are in the room it is the fat ones job fend away the cat with the wooden pole provided for 7 hours at a time in order to stay alive and uneaten. The key ingredients an obese person will need to out maneuver certain jaws of doom will be attributed to a quick mind and a quick body. It is literally the ultimate exercise motivator. Who would want to be eaten by a tiger? As they continue their exercise routine daily the pounds will fall from the constant dodging and running, stick swinging and screaming, and most of all the claws literally tearing off chunks of fat! This would provide all the motivation that they just won't be able to ignore.
America's obesity crisis with literally cease to exist after around an estimated 4 months. Either the fat ones will gain the cardio and agility they need or they will simply be done away with by forced natural selection. Due to these results health insurance prices will greatly decline as there will also be a dramatic decrease in heart disease, number of adults diagnosed with diabetes, gallbladder disease, and even Gout. With insurance prices down the American families can use their newly found money and their newly skinny spouses to go out and stimulate themselves and the economy. If it just so happened that the fat family member didn't make it through the program life-insurance money will provide the biggest gross profit out of all the results, so everybody can reap the benefits. With a happier, healthier, and wealthier population people will be spending more on everyday commodities. People will be more motivated to travel further stimulating the economy and strengthening our recessed nation day by day. The solution will not only benefit Americans personal lives, but it will also be one more step in solving America's financial crisis.
I can see no other solution to America's problem other than by cat and cat alone. I would love to see a proposal for a better solution by someone who does not fully understand the value of America's health and economy. Therefore, my ears are closed to suggestions of “diets”: of running 2 miles everyday before one goes to work: of not stopping by McDonald's every time one passes by a food court: of eating a simple well-balanced meals everyday coupled with decent natural exercise: most hysterically, not sitting on ones rump when they get home from work and watching television for 5 hours.
I will conclude by requesting all who read this to go out and observe a fat person in their natural ways. Go out and see how profoundly they hinder and hurt their families with their laziness and constant complaints. Their unproductive nature cannot go unchecked and has little no room in a truly efficient society. This is why actions must be taken and supported to prevent the fat ones from dragging down the other functional 36% of people in America.

[Animematt]

apply Swift's ideas to Mexico

I could go for some Jose Burritos.

[Trefellin]

I propose we take over Canada. we should simply declare all of it (except Quebec, because we don't really want Quebec, nobody does) to be the property of the USA.

Then I'd have to start making bombs in my garage.

[animeotaku99]

You mean you don't already?

[Trefellin]

You mean you don't already?

No, but I have some designs of my own.

[Shiroiyuki]

easy. cannabilsm. that would solve both famine and overpopulation at once.

And the rapidly increasing number of homeless people we have here in America *nods*

[Bernard_Monsha]

I would have thread necromancers flogged then burned at the stake with green wood soaked overnight in water.

[Foppish Dandy]

Holy **** it's 2007 again.

Also, MASSIVE WALL OF TEXT.

[Trefellin]

Holy **** it's 2007 again.

Also, MASSIVE WALL OF TEXT.

Wow, I didn't even notice.

[Holy Knight]

For Preventing the Obese Family Members of Normal Tax Paying Citizens of America from Being a Burden to Their Society or Loved Ones, and for Making Them Beneficial to the State and Endangered Cats.

[snip]

Dude be trippin' on some strong stuff.

Switch "Obese" with "Junkie" in there and I'd agree. :P

[Aragami]

Nuke Africa.

I brought this up in a classroom once.

Some jew got mad at me because he said there were a lot of jews in Africa too, not just emaciated Africans. Wierd ****.