Should Some Secrets Be Told?!?

[EmberAlchemist0]

I wanted to do a rather serious thread. Ok we all tell secrets to our friends and they tell them to us also. But what if a secret that is told to us seems on the bad side and needs to be told for the protection of a friend. Would you go against your friend and tell the secret to keep him/her safe? Or would you keep it to yourself?

[The Million Dollar Prons]

Secrets told amongst the confidence of MEN shall be kept until death.

[MagicianCamille]

Secret secret, I got a secret.

But what if a secret that is told to us seems on the bad side and needs to be told for the protection of a friend. Would you go against your friend and tell the secret to keep him/her safe? Or would you keep it to yourself?

Depends. Seriously safe, or safe from something that could potentially turn into something hilarious? I'm willing to let my friends walk into something dangerous if I can get a laugh out of it.

Secrets told amongst the confidence of MEN shall be kept until death.

Amen brother.

[Haro!]

If telling the secret meant saving someone's life then yes I would tell it or if keeping it meant saving someone's life then I wouldn't. If its not that serious then I probably wouldn't say anything either way. Its not so much that I respect privacy, its just that I don't care enough to tell people other people's business.

[sailornyanko]

I'd consider if the person is seriously suicidal, but if not, no, I don't tell private secrets. It's not other people's business.

[Chicito]

I'd never tell a friend's secret, I could never go against their trust. If a friend trusts you enough to know of their secrets or problems, that shows they truely respect you and can rely on you in hard times and vice versa.

[mecegirl]

If it is life threatening then yes. they may hate me but I would much rather know that a friend is safe rather than knowing that they are is trouble. But if its like Peter likes Suzy or something then yeah I can keep a secret.

[Tenou]

Let's hear some female perspective. It really depends on the situation, who you are telling, what the secret is, what the danger is, what moral code you follow. If the secret is let's say, suicide, is this person in their right mind (that is, they're not going through a short-lived depression) and able to make that kind of decision. That's be a toss up for me. If it's that this friend is molesting the neighbour's child. I'd say something. If it's that the friend has been molested, I'd keep my mouth shut, and advise counseling.

It's up to your moral code and what you place importance on. Besides, a good friendship can stand up to a lot of abuse.

[Leader Desslock]

I wanted to do a rather serious thread. Ok we all tell secrets to our friends and they tell them to us also. But what if a secret that is told to us seems on the bad side and needs to be told for the protection of a friend. Would you go against your friend and tell the secret to keep him/her safe? Or would you keep it to yourself?
I tend to agree with Prons. According to The Code, a secret must be held until death. If you want the simple answer, that's it. Even if your friend dies, your honor will be intact if you keep the secret.

However, you've inadvertently gotten yourself into a bit of a quandary. Friend #1 has told you a secret. Friend #2 will be harmed if you do not reveal the secret. Above any oaths you may have sworn, you also have an obligation to your friends. But! You have a conflicting obligation. What do you do?

Your only honorable solution is to prevent the harm from happening to Friend #2 - but without revealing Friend #1's secret. In this way, you maintain your honor on both fronts. This might be awkward, but it's your only real choice.

As a fallback, you can go back to Friend #1 and say, "Look. You told me this secret. But if I keep it, then Friend #2 suffers. I can't let that happen, so is there any way you can help me out here?" By directly invoking The Code with Friend #1, you've now obligated Friend #1 to assist you in keeping his secret. He may even be able to prevent the harm to Friend #2 himself.

If he doesn't help out - then he's forsaken The Code and been dishonorable to your friendship. Does that mean you can then dishonor Friend #1 by revealing his secret? No. You're still honor bound to uphold your oath and his secret. It's your honor on the line, not his. Just because you chose to make an oath to a dishonorable person doesn't mean you can violate that oath. It was your decision; you have to live with it.

So good luck in preventing disaster for Friend #2, and remember not to reveal Friend #1's secret.

See? Women think men are hard to understand, but it's quite simple once you know The Code.

[emotoaster]

See? Women think men are hard to understand, but it's quite simple once you know The Code.

QFT

That was DEEP LD....

The Code is the Code and those that break it shall suffer the cosiquences.

[master terrence]

but for females,

friend #3 will entrust friend #4 with a secret because friend #3 thinks friend #4 will do what is best with it, and whats best is what friend #3 might need help with.

[MagicianCamille]

I tend to agree with Prons. According to The Code, a secret must be held until death. If you want the simple answer, that's it. Even if your friend dies, your honor will be intact if you keep the secret.

However, you've inadvertently gotten yourself into a bit of a quandary. Friend #1 has told you a secret. Friend #2 will be harmed if you do not reveal the secret. Above any oaths you may have sworn, you also have an obligation to your friends. But! You have a conflicting obligation. What do you do?

Your only honorable solution is to prevent the harm from happening to Friend #2 - but without revealing Friend #1's secret. In this way, you maintain your honor on both fronts. This might be awkward, but it's your only real choice.

As a fallback, you can go back to Friend #1 and say, "Look. You told me this secret. But if I keep it, then Friend #2 suffers. I can't let that happen, so is there any way you can help me out here?" By directly invoking The Code with Friend #1, you've now obligated Friend #1 to assist you in keeping his secret. He may even be able to prevent the harm to Friend #2 himself.

If he doesn't help out - then he's forsaken The Code and been dishonorable to your friendship. Does that mean you can then dishonor Friend #1 by revealing his secret? No. You're still honor bound to uphold your oath and his secret. It's your honor on the line, not his. Just because you chose to make an oath to a dishonorable person doesn't mean you can violate that oath. It was your decision; you have to live with it.

So good luck in preventing disaster for Friend #2, and remember not to reveal Friend #1's secret.

See? Women think men are hard to understand, but it's quite simple once you know The Code.

*begins the round of applause*

[DazzleKitty]

I don't even like to tell secrets because they almost always end up being revealed since most people can't keep their trap shut.

However, if you must tell someone's secret to someone else, I would do it if only absolutely necessary, verging on a life or death situation.

[mecegirl]

but for females,

friend #3 will entrust friend #4 with a secret because friend #3 thinks friend #4 will do what is best with it, and whats best is what friend #3 might need help with.

??? Maybe I misunderstood your post? You can't belive that all "females" deal with secrets in such a way. Unless I am going to her for help if I tell another girl a secret I expect her to keep it even if is bad for me. I don't expect her to do anytning about it but to just keep the secret. Now if I need help I will be open to my friend and tell her from the start that I need her assistance. No one just tells some one a seceret and expect the person to do something about it. Women may not have a "code" when it comes to such things but we don't play as many mind games as some guys think. Yes some girls can't keep secrets but some guys can't keep them either.

[Evil_Koala]

Nevar.....

[LostCause]

Its only a secret if 1 person knows it.
Everything else; is not. Remember it.

[Gannon]

Stop Snitchin'.

[CrossboneGundam]

If you tell someone something, and tell them it's a secret, you should automatically assume other people will learn of it eventually.

[Piper]

secrets definatly shouldn't be told as long as you know that no one else could find out that you know the secret...if that makes any sense
but i think im pretty good keeping secrets and try not to turn my back on my homies

[Loopy]

Let's hear some female perspective. It really depends on the situation, who you are telling, what the secret is, what the danger is, what moral code you follow. If the secret is let's say, suicide, is this person in their right mind (that is, they're not going through a short-lived depression) and able to make that kind of decision. That's be a toss up for me. If it's that this friend is molesting the neighbour's child. I'd say something. If it's that the friend has been molested, I'd keep my mouth shut, and advise counseling.

It's up to your moral code and what you place importance on. Besides, a good friendship can stand up to a lot of abuse.

What she said.

[Holy Knight]

A secret is a secret. You keep it. If you feel bad about it, talk about it to whom it was told you said secret and work it out. However, if your loyalty lies elsewhere, too bad for your "loyalties". A secret is a secret.

[Piper]

What she said.
what he said

[Vaikyuko]

I tend to agree with Prons. According to The Code, a secret must be held until death. If you want the simple answer, that's it. Even if your friend dies, your honor will be intact if you keep the secret.

However, you've inadvertently gotten yourself into a bit of a quandary. Friend #1 has told you a secret. Friend #2 will be harmed if you do not reveal the secret. Above any oaths you may have sworn, you also have an obligation to your friends. But! You have a conflicting obligation. What do you do?

Your only honorable solution is to prevent the harm from happening to Friend #2 - but without revealing Friend #1's secret. In this way, you maintain your honor on both fronts. This might be awkward, but it's your only real choice.

As a fallback, you can go back to Friend #1 and say, "Look. You told me this secret. But if I keep it, then Friend #2 suffers. I can't let that happen, so is there any way you can help me out here?" By directly invoking The Code with Friend #1, you've now obligated Friend #1 to assist you in keeping his secret. He may even be able to prevent the harm to Friend #2 himself.

If he doesn't help out - then he's forsaken The Code and been dishonorable to your friendship. Does that mean you can then dishonor Friend #1 by revealing his secret? No. You're still honor bound to uphold your oath and his secret. It's your honor on the line, not his. Just because you chose to make an oath to a dishonorable person doesn't mean you can violate that oath. It was your decision; you have to live with it.

So good luck in preventing disaster for Friend #2, and remember not to reveal Friend #1's secret.

See? Women think men are hard to understand, but it's quite simple once you know The Code.

This is why Desslock has a steady inflow of internets. THE MAN SPEAKS TRUTH.

[Rain]

According to The Code, a secret must be held until death. If you want the simple answer, that's it. Even if your friend dies, your honor will be intact if you keep the secret.

Words of wisdom #1.

If you tell someone something, and tell them it's a secret, you should automatically assume other people will learn of it eventually.

Words of wisdom #2.

[Haro!]

Stop Snitchin'.
Ah yes how could I forget.

[EmberAlchemist0]

Not to sound rude or anything, but since when is there a "Code" for secret keepers to follow? I already know that secrets between friends is to be kept that way and they are not to be told. Unless of course the secret told has something to do with your friend being in danger. I'm not ashamed to tell a secret if it means my friend will be hurt if I didn't. If my friend understands why I did tell the secret then it should all be ok. As for men keeping secrets til death...Some men DO gossip secrets I know this for a fact.

[Anime Gee]

Secrets told amongst the confidence of MEN shall be kept until death.
Yup! ('o' )!!

[Leader Desslock]

Not to sound rude or anything, but since when is there a "Code" for secret keepers to follow?
Before The DaVinci Code, before the Code Of Silence (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088936/), before the Enigma machine and the US Zip Code, before the Military Code of Conduct and Uniform Military Code of Justice (http://www.au.af.mil/au/awc/awcgate/ucmj.htm), the Code Of Chivalry (http://www.chronique.com/Library/Chivalry/code.htm), Omertà (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omertà) and even the Code Of Hammurabi (http://www.wsu.edu/~dee/MESO/CODE.HTM) (~1780 B.C.) - there was The Code.

All men know The Code. It's in our blood, "balls to bone" as the Oracle in The Matrix might say. Hemingway wrote about it (http://faculty.millikin.edu/~mdwiggins/code_hero.htm). Shakespeare built whole plays around it, Chaucer's Knight regaled us with it (http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/etcbin/toccer-old?id=Cha2Can&images=images/modeng&data=/lv1/Archive/mideng-parsed&tag=public&part=2&division=div1), and Sir Gawain specifically agonized over his honor and the moral dilemma of keeping secret oaths between different parties (http://www.hti.umich.edu/cgi/t/text/text-idx?c=cme;cc=cme;rgn=main;view=text;idno =Gawain).

Men throughout history have known, discussed and written about different aspects of The Code ever since there were languages in which to discuss it. The Code predates language. It's written into man's genetic structure.

Do all men follow The Code? Yes and No. The Code is the ideal to which we all know we should aspire, but as with most things in life, we usually find ourselves wanting. All men follow The Code 100%, at all times and in all things - but it's painfully obvious if you look around that while there are plenty of males in the world, there are very few men.

So - to answer your question: "Since when is there a Code?" Since there have been men.

Now... does The Code apply to non-men? No. Men know that not everyone can walk the path that The Code requires men to walk. Real men respect the aspiration of those who seek to follow The Code, not begrudge the failures of others. Following The Code isn't something men do to impress others (including other men); it's something we do for ourselves because it's what men do.

So do you have to follow The Code and keep your friend's secret? Nope. Absolutely not. It's your choice. If you wish to retain your honor, you will follow The Code and keep the secret. That's all.

The Code is not negotiable. The Code cannot be foiled by semantic legerdemain or 'shades of grey'. Heed it or not, it is The Code. And its existence should not come as a surprise to any man here.

[Solid_Snake]

I've always found the whole "Keep this secret!" thing childish.

If I don't want it known, I simply won't say it.

[CrossboneGundam]

If someone were to tell me they were going, for example, commit suicide, yeah, I would tell their secret to everyone and their mom.

But anyway, since when were men big on secrets?

[Rain]

I've always found the whole "Keep this secret!" thing childish.

If I don't want it known, I simply won't say it.

Have you never heard of girls who gossip?

[Spadesy]

If they were meant to be told, they wouldn't be secrets. ;)

One thing I've learned over my short time with real-world person-to-person relationships, is to trust few with your too-personal life and trust nobody with things you think, that you know, they would think to be disturbing. Considering I live with a person I work with, I don't want my personal life leaking into work...I keep them entirely separate.

And on the internet - you can say and do what you want about your life without consequence! What are they going to do, fly halfway across the world and kick your *** Jay and Silent Bob style? Schnoogins.

[Reinas]

It's only a secret if one person knows it. Besides, secrets usually manage to come out anyway.

[Nano]

but for females,

friend #3 will entrust friend #4 with a secret because friend #3 thinks friend #4 will do what is best with it, and whats best is what friend #3 might need help with.

Na, with women it goes: friend #1 tells the whole pub just for attention, then everybody knows.