Advent Twins X

[Tidusauron12]

Advent Twins X

“Everyone has a double, however, it is told that the chances of a person ever meeting that double are astronomical. Well, if that’s true, then I’m the most astronomical person you’ll ever meet. My name is Hiroki Maramoto. I am 14, and I was your average kid. I went to Junior High at the city of Kawasaki, in Kanagawa. No, my story doesn’t take place in the future, it take’s place right now, in the early 21st centaury. I’m your average Joe. I flirt with girls, go through my ups and downs, and have problems with puberty. I was just a kid loving life when I met my double. My exact twin. How? You’ll find that out later. I didn’t know what to think of him when I first met him, but now I do. Devil’s Child. He was a minion sent from hell to ruin my life, and in the process, destroy me."

I woke up as usual in my bed… that is I woke up frantically and crazily in my bed. “I can’t believe I overslept!” The clock said 6:00… I was supposed to wake at 3:00! I looked around the usual areas, just to be sure, and then carefully climbed out of bed. Looking around the room, I could see that all of the traps I had set were still set as I left them… ready to go. I picked up my baseball bat, and started slowly across the room. I walked carefully through the room, disarming the traps as I went. I checked the closet, ready for him to spring on me. Nothing. Checked the other closet… empty. Checked all the small crevices I thought he might hide in… nothing. I smiled; breathing a sigh of relief… “He’s not… here.”

“Hiroki! Breakfast!” I looked at the door, letting the bat slack to my side.

“Coming mother!” Before I was even halfway across my room, the window was crashing open, and shards of glass were showering all over me and my room. I fell to the floor, kinda’ shocked. I looked up in horror, because I already knew what this was. The Twin.

He smiled down on me. “Oh sorry kohai … so sorry… did I cut you?” His black bat loomed highly over his head, ready to crush down on me.

I was shocked with fear. “Y-you!”

He frowned. “You? Who do you think you’re talkin’ to?!” The bat started to dive at me, but I blocked it easily with my bat, countering with a dive-swing. I swung at him twice but he blocked each too easily. “Eat this!” I cried aloud as his bat contacted my face, sending me into the wall with a bloody nose. He chuckled, walking towards me. “You had better refer to me as…. Senpai. Got that kohai?” His face was right in from of mine.

I yelled at him. “You’re crazy!”

He laughed madly. “Is that so!? Say my name!” I didn’t speak. The bat struck me. “Say my name!” I spit up blood and gargled out a cry of pain, but didn’t speak any words. “Say my name!” I didn’t say anything. BAM! It just continued like that for a long time. “Say my name!” BAM “Say my name!” BAM Blood was all over me and the floor, and the twin was still over me, ready to swing again when a knock came from the door.

“Omiichan! Omiichan!” A pause. “Hiroki, get outta’ the bed! It’s time to eat! Hurry or we’ll be late to school!”

I looked from the door and then to the twin. He smiled walking away from me, and all I could think during all of this was “don’t hurt my sister, please, oh god don’t hurt my sister.” I shot up. “Don’t hurt her… please… it’s me you have to fight…. To kill.” He smiled at me.

“That’s it, Hiroki, I’m coming in!”

My eyes widened. “No! Magami! Wait!” The door knob started to turn, but at my plea, she hesitated.

The Twin placed his hand up. “Well… aren’t you the lucky one… I’ll be back to finish the job… got that kohai?” A red ball of light appeared in his palm and then it disappeared. He went to the window, opened it, and dived out of it, disappearing as he fell from the… umpteenth floor.

I ran over to the window. “He’s gone…”

The door flew open as my sister entered the room. I froze when I heard the door open. “Mag-!” I heard a scream that sounded like it was about to grow into something very scary, but in the second, it was cut clean off, like a wood chucker with some wood and an ax. Magami went flying out into the hallway, a trail of blood following, like a rocket ship’s fire tail, propelling her right into the hallway wall. I heard a loud noise when she hit.

Looking back at the event, I always think of my sister’s face being covered with a black line like in the movies when they showed a naked lady’s private parts, maybe one of those movies from the 90s. But she wasn’t in a movie… What really had happened was a black 7-inch wooden barrel baseball bat had slammed into her nose.

Without thinking, I ran toward her. On the way, I saw the blood trail from when the trap hit her. “Magami!” Are you ok!?”

She looked up at me dazedly. “Hiroki? W-what happened…?” She went unconscious. I was terrified. Blood was coming from her nose and her mouth, and it as so black it looked like ink.

I flipped at the site of her. "Oh god... oh crap... oh..." Finally, I got myself together, and carried her downstairs

My parents didn’t even look at me when I came into the room. My mother was at the sink, washing my father’s dishes. “It took you two long enough; now hurry and eat, or you’ll be late!”

I frowned. “Mother! Father! Something’s happened to Magami!”
...

[Tidusauron12]

My mom sat over my sister in her room. My dad… was chewing me pretty good in the hall way.



I smashed into the wall. “Hiroki! Those damn traps again!?” He kicked the wall next to him.

“I promise you dad! I’ve been telling the truth ever since the beginning! There’s this kid after me!”

“Where!? I don’t see the blood from the ‘vicious attack’ he did on you! The window he ‘thundered’ through seems perfectly fine! The only blood I found in this house was your sister’s!” He sighed, now he sounded softer. “Hiroki. If I wasn’t a doctor we would’ve had to take her to the hospital… and luckily, she had no broken bones.” I looked down at the ground, rubbing me mouth where my dad had socked me. “Hiroki… what is wrong with you? Tell me? How can I help? Do you need to see a psychiatrist? Again?”

This all started after I turned 12. I went to sleep one day, and the next… well… let’s just say ‘it’ started. The nightmares came first, and then… what you just read started happening. Anywhere, everywhere, anytime. Can you imagine what my life was like after that? I was being attacked at school, in class, on the toilet, at home, and everywhere between. But no one ever saw because when they looked… he was gone. And some how all that blood he put down was gone to, including my injuries. The nightmares began to happen every night, and eventually, I became a psycho. I started setting traps, learning karate and staying up all night all to prepare for the twin. With each visit, he found it harder to defeat me, though he still had the upper hand.

“Hiroki… is that it? Another psychiatrist?”


I got a psychie to help me out or whatever… and it did help. At least… for a little while. The nightmares stopped, and the twin stopped coming for a while. Then… one day, he kept coming. And he said that no doctor could help me in the world. My psychie was fired after that… and finally I just had to pretend like it wasn’t happening. I had to ignore the dreams… fight the twin… and then just go on as usual like life was normal… like some secret super hero. Well… I tried to go on like life was normal… until… this happened.
My dad looked at the door that separated us from the room my sister was in. “Hiroki… can you go on the field trip tomorrow? The School trip to Osaka?”

“O-of course!” I really had been looking forward to this trip… for many reasons. “I promise, I won’t act up.”

He sighed again. “Son… I just wish.. I could believe you…”

I frowned. Crap. “So you’re not going to let me go?”

My dad frowned. “Should I? You just smashed your sister’s face in with a trap pulled from a guerilla op!”

I cowered to the wall at his scowl. “S-sorry!”

My dad looked at me silently for a long time, breathing hard. “I’m going to go call the school, and tell them why you two are absent today. When I get back… I’ll have made my decision about whether you deserve your little ‘vacation’ or not.”

I looked out the hallway window. The sky was blue, with a few fluffy clouds around. “Damn…” I said quietly. “Why did that bastard have to go and ruin such a good day! I can’t let him continue ruining my life like this! I’ve gotta’ do something about it!” I stood up and walked over to the window. “I’m gonna’ take you down, twin! I’m gonna’ kill you!” I stood there with my fist shaking valiantly out the window… until I noticed my dad standing in the door way. He was frowning, and tapping his tap foot pretty fast. Don’t I look like the gay retarded son.

See what I mean? This crap happened too much since then.

[Tidusauron12]

II.

For some reason, my dad asked me if I wanted to go on the school trip the next day. Despite the fact that I felt guilty - especially after creamin’ my sister in the face – I still decided to go because well, I know this might sound selfish, but to be frank, I REALLY wanted to go. This made the drive to the airport all the more terrible.

I walked out to the car slowly, my hands to my side, a frown on my face and a shame weight in my stomach. I really felt real crappy ‘cause my mom couldn’t take me to the airport… so my dad had to – and that was bad, ‘cause he was really disappointed in my decision to go on the trip, despite what I’d done – at least, that’s how I felt.

“Hiroki! Get a move on it! We’re going to be late!” My dad was leaning out the car.

I glared at him then, and I stopped walking when I glared. “Stupid old man!” I mumbled. I was gritting my teeth. “I should kill you right now!” I tightened my grip, and all the aggravation was let out. “I should just rip your friggin’ head off!” All of a sudden, My dad’s outstretched body fused with the red orange ambient sky behind him, and it all started to look like a big hit bag, one I could test my bat on. I yelled and started to charge at the bag with my bat. “Take this! Damn bastard!” I hit the bag with the bat, then I hit the bag again, and again, and again… finally, I got tired of it and just jumped on the thing, like a wild beast animal thing, and started ripping it to pieces.

“Hiroki!?”

I was lying on the small lawn, wet with dew. My dad was looking at me with some weird look on his face, and I was covered with damp, itchy grass. I got up, looked around, and finally decided to just get into the car. My dad started the car and pulled out into the street. I was breathing pretty hard as we drove down the road, in complete silence.

My dad broke it. “What the hell Hiroki.” I looked over to see my dad smiling with a happy rage. That sorta’ scared me, but oh well. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

I smiled. “Guess I just need a little vacation.”
My dad smiled even bigger, his voice normal but not. “Hmph… is that so? Well, you’re about to get one.”

After that, it got pretty thick. The red light that the Sun shrouded me with felt like the chemical that made the grass itch my skin, and I was sorta’ wet and sticky, and my dad was in some strange way, pissed and disappointed and worried about me. Oh yeah, and the wetness on me was kinda’ hot. Oh well…

My cloths had for the most part dried off when the car stopped at the airport. I noticed that we were a few minutes late, but I couldn’t really do anything meaningful with that info, so I just got my crap and headed for the door of the airport.. which was across a giant parking lot… which was full. My dad yelled after me. “You better be cleaned up after this little ‘school trip’ of yours!” And he drove off.

As I walked, I noticed a strange aura in the sky. It was a cloudy and misty orange-yellow-red-pink color mix, but it was eerily still really dark out. The sky was like a dying flame, so it wasn’t that bright; like an eclipsed twilight or something. Then on top of that, I noticed that the street lights were on, but dim, and the worst part, there was dead silence. I looked around at all that, and then started to walk again, this time, with my bat in my hand. He should be attacking at anytime now. But when? I couldn’t take the wait, ‘cause I felt if I waited any longer, I’d die. I took out. I just plain took out across the desolate parking lot as fast as I could. When I was running, I couldn’t help but feel the anticipation of the X twin showing up. It penetrated me to the bone, and I was ready to attack the first sound but... I got to the door. For some reason I felt like I had accomplished some big feat, but then I realized that nothing had happened. Great Hiroki, you’ve managed to make yourself look like an idiot again. I looked back at the parking lot, and… it was just that… a demonic ghastly looking parking lot. What… what is this feeling? It’s so… strange. My heart started pumping faster. I’m scared! But why!? No one is out here! The tension was building, but nothing happened. I felt no one was there, though I still had paranoia that I was being watched. I still just stared out at the colors. Crap! I’m late!

I was about 30 minutes late when I finally reached the front door… and… well, it didn’t matter. No one in are class had even done anything yet, everyone was just standing in the lobby, yapping.

I looked vaguely around the room. “Hey! Hiroki-San!” I looked to where the voice came to find my teacher… who’s name isn’t important to mention right now. She frowned. “Do you really think it’s ok to be this late? We planned this trip months ago! I can understand a few minutes but if you’re gonna’ take this long, you should at least notify me in advance! I really took my time to make the scheduled scenario!” Man her voice was irritating.

I sighed. “Sensei… does my tardiness make any difference in your scenario?”

I spoke dully.

Her eyes widened, her voice became even more annoying and loud. “Listen here Hiroki-San! You may not have damaged the over all structure of my planned scenario, but you have altered it! DO not DO that!”

I sighed. “Yes ma'am..."

She handed me a piece of paper on a cardboard thing. “Sign in!” She walked away.

I looked down at it blankly. “She didn’t have to snatch it to me…” I signed and gave it to someone else who hadn’t. The room was full of people, but that didn’t mean I had any guarantees, so I picked out a seat that was in a defensive position, and sat, my bat still at hand.

“Hiroki-Chan!”

I looked up at the name-caller with a small smile. “Mimi-Chan?” She smashed into me… and I smashed into the wall.

“Hey, you two getting married!?” We both separated the embrace pretty after that, ‘cause the laughter was embarrassing. I still thought it was a one side embrace, since she had basically tackled me.

I sighed pretty revealingly. “Mimi-Chan…. I’m so happy you’re here… at least that’s one good thing in my life.”

She smiled as energetically as I always knew her to. “You’re always so negative…” She smiled, putting her hand on my leg (I got pants on).

“Hey!” I was red, jumping away from her touch.
She only giggled. “You should loosen up and be a little more optimistic sometimes.”

I looked at her negatively. “You and your sneaky sex-like gestures.” She giggled again. I frowned at her, but really, I was enjoying myself, at least with her.

The Sensei finally stepped to the loud speaker. “OK everyone; get your boarding passes that I preplanned for you! You did print them out like I told you, right?”

Everyone sighed at the teacher quite loudly. “Yes ma'am!......” Loud but not very enthusiastic.

People in class started to show the parcel transporter their boarding passes. Mimi looked at me cheerfully as I would have expected her to, even though I was screwed. “Come on Hiroki-Chan, we have to go get our stuff moved to the plane!”

I frowned. “Uhh… actually…” Mimi stopped. “I didn’t…”

She frowned. “Don’t tell me that you…!”

“I didn’t… get my pass…” She smiled, lightly.

The earth started to tremble. The ground started part. There was a scream. Sensei was there. “Hiroki-San! What did you just say!!!?”

“Yet!” I smiled like a piece of cheese cheesy. “I didn’t get my pass yet! That’s right!” I could feel my skin turning yellow and smelly, attracting rats and mice.

She put her arms around me, and I screamed. “Maramoto Hiroki! Get a pass now! Or else my scenario will change! And not to your advantage!” All of a sudden, she went from fake nice annoying lady to crazy dictator-like Kim Jong-il thing.

I cried out in horror. “Ok! Just don’t hurt me please! I’m sorry!” She threw me down to the ground and left inside the airport main lobby.
She stopped at the door. “Everyone! Get in here!!!” The students followed her unwillingly willingly.

I stood up with tears in my eyes. “I… I better go get that pass right about now.” I got the tag that the sensei ‘gave’ me, and headed slowly toward the Main Lobby, after of course, I got my bat.

Kimil was at the main counter. “I put you down a few weeks ago luckily, but still, since you’re getting a new pass, you’re going to have to wait here for 20 minutes, holding the flight up, may I add?” She left.

Mimi smiled politely, her light cloud-like voice pushing away my thunderstorm mood. “It’s ok, Hiroki-Chan… I’ll wait with you…” I smiled at this gesture, and handed my tag to the lady behind the desk.

“Thanks, Mi-Chan.” I put a handed on her shoulder, then sat down at a row of seats that was in the lobby.

Mimi smiled cheerfully, sitting next to me. “It’s ok. Really though… Sensei’s really nice… but she is a real typhoon when she’s angry.”

I rubbed the spot where Kim-il had grabbed me. “You can say that again.”

I’d known Mimi practically all my life, since we’d lived next door to each other since like birth, or something like that. She moved away in 6th grade, but she still stayed at my school. I really do love her like a sister, but you know, lately I’d been thinking, was it more than that? I mean, she was always touching me in weird personal places… So I was thinkin’ ‘does she like me or not?’ Anyways… she’s a good friend, that’s for sure, and the reason is… well things she did like at the airport. None of my other ‘companion friends’ even thought about helpin’ me out. At least with her, I didn’t feel like a complete idiot. Anyways, I think she’s the reason I’m not like… a freak now.

[Tidusauron12]

Kim-il’. It might sound weird for me to call our teacher that, but I’m not alone. There were quite a few people at our school who called her that, and for very obvious reasons. When she gets angry, there’s no stopping her. She becomes a complete dictatorship, taking control of everything. I actually came up with it. I watch the news quite a lot, and personally, I think when she’s angry, she looks kinda’ like the Kim-il North Korea guy they keep talkin’ about all the time, the big geeky glasses, the ugly tall hair, and the messed up teeth. Well, I guess some people agree with me, because others called her that too.

The plane took off 20 minutes late, just as ‘Kimil’-Sensei had said. She may have been an old hag, but she was truly a talent when it came to predicting time-like crap and stuff… which lead me to a question I had always wanted to ask her: Why the heck did you become a teacher lady? Just to give me a hard time? Well, she was mad at me, but I got off pretty good; I mean I didn’t get punished. Mimi was pretty much the one to thank for all that though.

The engine roared, but the plane didn’t move. “So, when is this thing taking off?” I looked out at the vibrating wings nervously.

Mimi arched an eyebrow. “You a nervous flyer?”
I shook my head no. “No. It’s just…” I stared out the window for a while. “It’s just that sky… that twilight eclipse…”

“What?”

I flinched. “Oh, Sorry, it was… it was nothing.” I wasn’t really in reality, now that I think about it…

Mimi stared at me oddly, then giggled. “You’re funny! I told you you should have become a poet; you really come out with some romantic things every now and then!”

Right now, I was like: What the heck? Is she serious? I was a poet in 6th grade, but I sorta’ quit for some reason. “Y-you really think so?”

She nodded cheerfully. “Yeah!” I always felt like crap, so I was wondering
how she stayed so happy all the time.

Happiness was something I hadn’t felt for a long time… ever since he came. I mean… comon’! He?! What the hell is this? Harry Potter?!

“You’re so romantic Hiroki!” The mantra was a mocking chime.

I turned around. “Oh… Aoi-san… you…” Not a good surprise. Behind me? Why?

Aoi smiled. “Hey Nobu, check out these two love birds.” I sighed. Why is that loser always trying to talk in a cool way? How annoying.

Nobu’s head popped up over the top of my seat too, beside Aoi. “You two are married?!Congrats you two!?” And this guy… his voice sounds so weird… like he has a speech impediment or something…

I looked away with a scarlet fever face. “Losers…” Laughter spread through the cabin… and then…

Aoi and Nobu are the two most annoying freaks in the school, excluding me… I mean I did say most annoying freaks. I’m the freakiest kid you’ll find at any school. But being the most annoying freak is a lot worse than being the craziest freak, I mean, at least I don’t try to disturb people intentionally, like them. They usually get referred to as the Geek Duo, or Team Loser, and I’ve even heard the baka-saka (hey, the frat boys will come out with anything.) but I just call em’ a pair of losers, or maybe sometimes, just losers. But seriously man, that Nobu guy really does sound weird, like a cave man or something.

The plane started to move, and within seconds, it was moving so fast my ears were popping. Then it just… eased into the air. And just like that, we were flying.

We’re taking off now!? I almost flipped in my seat, and all I heard from Aoi and Nobu was unpleasant yelling. Mimi on the other hand welcomed the abrupt lift off with a big happy smile and an astounded style on her face. It made me want to smile too, but the skies outside made me keep a straight face. Eventually, we leveled off in the air, and the plane stabilized.

Mimi checked on Aoi and Nobu afterwards. When she looked, she started laughing, so I looked too. Aoi and Nobu ended up ’stuck’ together in a rather… binary position. I tried to laugh and smile with Mimi, but again, that sky just held my mouth straight.

A flight attendant entered the cabin. “That’s what you get! If you had been seated and buckled down as instructed, you wouldn’t be in such an embarrassing situation!”

All the kids laughed as the two idiots untangled themselves, then Kimil-Sensei came and chewed them out. To me, it was more like she chewed them thoroughly then swallowed them, but oh well…

“Excuse me, I am your pilot, Mirato Shinji. Please take a look out the window of the plane. If you do, you’ll see a bizarre glow in the sky. Do not be alarmed by this unusual sky color… it is being called an atmospheric anomaly by the NOAA and JM. Please enjoy this beautiful event, for it has never been observed before, and it is only special to Kanagawa Prefecture as of now.”

“It’s beautiful, Hiroki!” Mimi was astounded with the glow. I just looked out into the colors, not hearing anything. Her hand landed on my shoulder, knocking me out of my gaze. She smiled at me. “It’s called Twilight Eclipse, right Hiroki-Chan?”

I smiled. “Yeah… that’s it…” In the wake of that sky, my smile was fake, and
I knew that.

[Leader Desslock]

Hmmm.... okay. You asked me to take a look, and I have. I think it's a funny premise, and I think it's more or less working so far.

Regarding the perspective issues you mentioned - you've evidently gotten rid of them, because I don't see any shifts between first and second person. What I see are a couple levels of narration:

1) Direct narration to the audience. In an anime, this would be handled in a voiceover, most likely. This narration relates to the story being told, but is not necessarily limited to that timeline.

2) First person narration of the story as it happens. This includes the dialogue, all told from the perspective of the narrator.

3) First person internal monologue. This is similar to #1, except that it represents the character's thoughts in the timeline, rather than during the subsequent retelling.

My thoughts about how this should all be represented...

Normally, internal monologue is written in italics. I'd format your text a bit more like this:

I stood up and walked over to the window. “I’m gonna take you down, twin! I’m gonna kill you!”


I stood there with my fist shaking valiantly out the window - until I noticed my dad standing in the doorway. He was frowning and tapping his tap foot pretty fast. Don’t I look like the gay retarded son, I thought. ...


If it was me, and the precedent of "italics = internal monologue" had been established, I might even leave out most of the "I thought" words. I'd probably only use them when I wanted to use a 'thought' word that carried a bit more color: contemplated, mulled, etc. So I'd personally have written that like this:


I stood there with my fist shaking valiantly out the window - until I noticed my dad standing in the doorway. He was frowning and tapping his tap foot pretty fast. Don’t I look like the gay retarded son.


It's how you continue from there that's confusing. The line "...See what I mean? This crap happened too much since then" sounds more like it's direct narration to the audience outside the story narrative. It sounds like something the narrator is saying to the audience as he tells the story, rather than the first-person narration (i.e.: "I stood there...") within the story timeline.

If that's the case, I think that needs to be separated along with the rest of the external narration. You've currently put that in boldface. It's not normally put in boldface in a book. It's normally represented by a different font (rare) or more likely, italics. The example that comes to mind off the top of my head would be Princess Irulan's narration in Dune. The characters have internal monologue in italics, and Irulan's narration outside the story is also in italics.

In contrast, Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels usually have a number of different levels of narration, but he doesn't always italicize the text. Pick up one of his novels to see what I mean.

I guess it doesn't matter how you do it, but I think you need to clearly represent the differences in narrative perspective. The less formatting you use and the more you make it clear which is which in your text, the better it will be. It'll be funnier, too. If you've read any Pratchett, you realize how much humor he puts in that split narrative perspective of his.

One thing that does not work is the following:

“<This is a perfect time for him to attack.>” I thought. “<He’ll be here anytime now.>”

That's not grammatically correct, nor is it consistent with your other examples of internal monologue. You have to pick one style and stick with it, or you'll just confuse your audience.


Other comments:

You're writing very visually, as though this is an anime, rather than a story. You're including sight-gags that don't necessarily translate to a written medium, like:

My sister’s worried face was covered with a black line like in the movies when they showed a naked lady’s private parts in a movie from the 90s. But she wasn’t in a movie… a 7-inch wooden barrel baseball bat slammed into her nose...

I get the image you're going for, and it'd be a funny sight gag in an anime. but the 'black line' isn't something he'd actually SEE. It's a way what he sees would be represented for a sight gag in a visual format. There's a difference between anime and prose, and what happens in one medium doesn't necessarily translate to another.

As an example - look at the Ranma 1/2 manga, versus the anime. In the manga, there are a lot of jokes where a character looks up from one panel to the next. This is something that doesn't translate well to the anime, so they largely dropped it. It wouldn't translate at all to prose, so you'll never see it written in fanfiction. It would look weird for me to say that a character looked back and made a comment about the previous paragraph, wouldn't it?

You do it again here:

... I could feel my skin turning yellow and smelly, attracting rats and mice. ...All of a sudden, she went from fake nice annoying lady to crazy dictator-like Kim Jong-il thing...

I can see those transformations visually, and they'd be funny sight gags - but fiction isn't a visual medium. Mentions to strange physical transformations are hard to pull off in prose.


Minor points:
- You're writing in English, so write in English. Trying to salt and pepper your dialogue with "Hei", "Oi!" and "Sensei" should be avoided.
- You might want to do a quick proofread to clear up some typos.


Funny idea, and I think it's going well. You just might want to stop and think about the mechanics of your prose for a bit.

[Tidusauron12]

Hm... I have some work to do by the sounds of it... and maybe some shopping too. :P (I searched through all my novels, but I don't have any that you mentioned.)

Anyways, I'll be sure to check out everything you said. (And anyways, sorry about inputting all those japanese things... they're just... I guess bad habits.)

One question though. Do you think I should remove all the suffixes and titles along with 'sensei'? Does 'english writing' also apply to removing -chan -kun -san, senpai, kohai, etc.?

EDIT:

(I'd like to know this before I continue writing, as most of my stories take place in Japan.)

(Most manga's leave in kun and chan, like Naruto in the scanlations, so I'm wondering if I should leave titles in or out. I understand that manga is a different medium than prose, but... I just need to be advised when it comes to this.)

[Leader Desslock]

There are a number of online sources that might give you a good feel for first-person narration. All of the works of Lovecraft and Poe are here, along with Shelley's Frankenstein:

http://www.dagonbytes.com/thelibrary/index.html

Mark Twain's works are here:

http://twain.thefreelibrary.com/

These folks are some of the masters of 1st person narrative, so you should be able to get some ideas there. The rules of English grammar haven't changed.

As for the other stuff- that's personal choice. There's no reason for a character who's otherwise speaking in English to say "Yes" or "Oh, boy!" in Japanese. As for "-chan" and whatnot, those are proper nouns, really. That's a judgement call. Words with no translatable equivalent (sempai, kohai, etc.) are also a judgement call. There are ways to get around all of them, and whether you do that or not is up to you. I will point out that manga and prose are two different formats, so the rules of writing in one are not necessarily the same as the rules of writing in another.

Whatever you decide, I don't think it's that important in a rough draft. Do whatever gets the story out for now. :thumbsup:

[Leader Desslock]

I'd say to just leave it be and see how it looks when you're done. It won't be hard to change later if you decide to. Maybe when you're done, you'll have a better idea of what you think looks best. Words like Sempai and Kohai are fine, and so long as the -chans and -kuns are used only where necessary, they won't be too bad. Less is more, I think.

The better Ranma fanfiction I've read generally limits the -chan to Ranma & Ukyo's "Ran-chan" and "Ucchan" names for one another. Kuno gets called "upperclassman" rather than "sempai", but since that's all the relationship implies in his case, I think it's legit. The teachers get called "Teach", "Teacher" or "Miss Hinako", depending on who's saying it. The names for the martial arts moves are generally untranslated (i.e.: the Shishi Hokoudan instead of Lion's Roar Shot), unless the translation is particularly funny. Traditional food and weapon names are retained (okonomiyaki, bokken vs. 'wooden sword'). Sasuke called Kuno "Master", rather than "Tatewaki-sama".

Anyone else have any thoughts on the matter? Shiroiyuki?

[Tidusauron12]

Ok, so I've done some editing, and quite a few changes throughout my story, I'm confident in it now, I mean I can see some improvement from the First version of it, but other than that, I think I can employ some techniques to avoid having to use Japanese titles as much, atleast from here on out. I'll look through it again, and I'll see if I left behind any typos and fix those again. (I always leave a few behind.) :P

Besides that, I'll have to check with my mom on how she interprets the story. (On an intellectual level, I'm pretty sure she's as educated in the field of literature as you, Leader.) When she reviews my stories, she tells me... "like it is" and that can get a little harsh if you get me right. Anyways, I think I can go back to her too and ask for assistance. I know that if I want to become a good writer, I'll have to do more than get you guys to tell me my mistakes... I'll have to improve on my own, and I understand that, so don't think I'm not taking what you guys tell me to heart. I told you I'd get better and that's what I am going to do.

[Tidusauron12]

The plane slowly gained altitude and the higher it got, the brighter the colors got, and the more tiresome I grew. It’s this bellowing thick sky… It’s like it’s about to make me…collapse…

Mimi jabbed me in the stomach. “Ouch!” I cried.

She stopped doing what she was doing. “Oh sorry, I’m trying to get this stupid sweater off. It’s really not that easy…” I looked at her, and when I did, my face got red fast, because I saw that the sweater was pulled almost entirely off her head, around her neck, and her shirt was too. I could see her bra. Finally, she lifted the sweater off her head and tossed over my face. As it fell off, I flinched into the wall.

I looked at her negatively, a frown on my face. “Another sex-like joke?”

She smiled. “No silly! Just tryin’ to get that hot thing off of me!” I arched an eyebrow. “…that feels so much better…” I noticed a bright glare flash through the sky. She closed her eyes and just like that, she was asleep. It’s like the sky had cast her dead, right on my shoulder. What da’…?!

My face got even redder. “Hey!” At first, I was resentful, but when I noticed how peaceful she was, I just sat down normally in my seat. “Oh… Mimi-Chan…” I placed my pillow I’d brought on board under her head, and stroked her hair a few times. The color of the sky, it just made everything so slow and beautiful… “W-what am I doing!” I looked away, out to the sky again. What… what is that?

Too tired to stay awake, I drug out my mp3 player. I used double headphones and placed the second pair on Mimi’s head, the first pair went onto my ears. As the mp3 came on, I trailed down the list of songs I’d downloaded and stopped at the one I liked most. Nocturne; Op.15 No.1 in F major. It was Chopin, and it was classical, but it was good anyways. The melody was slow at first, and I knew that would put me to sleep, especially if it had the help of that hypnotizing sky…

Yeah, it was peaceful, but, Chopin isn’t all nice and pretty. The minute that evil and dreadful half of that Nocturne started, my nice dreamy sleep turned into a nightmare filled with hell: The darker side of the Chopin piece rolled on.

…

I felt something touch my face. At first, I though it was maybe Mimi, but it was too hard and cold for that, it felt… metal. I immediately opened my eyes to find a bat in my face. I jumped back into the seat, and when that got me no where I slid down to the floor, just as the back chunked the seat in half. I grabbed my bat quickly and tried to roll to the side to get away but… Mimi was still next to me. I smashed into her legs waking her up straight away.

“What da’!” She cried. We both piled atop of each other in the corridor.That’s when I noticed that except us, the cabin was empty.

I stood up. “What’s going on here?!” Mimi was looking at Hiroki-X curiously. “Mimi! No matter what, stay behind me!”

She frowned. “What’s going on here?!” I frowned. Copying me?

I charged the twin. “Just do it!”

He smiled. “Bring it Kohai.”

“Take this!” Our bats met with me losing bad. He was easily stronger than me, so I didn’t really get why I just charged with brute force. First he kicked me back out into the walkway, and then he charged at me.

I dodged all of his bat strikes, and then counter once he’d left himself open. I smashed my bat right into his face that looked like mine. Then I kicked him in the stomach and continued to hit him repeatedly in his face, over and over again, until I noticed that the peaceful melody of the nocturne had returned out of the darker theme. I looked at his body. Blood was all around his head, and I was pretty sure I had felt his neck break on that last blow. “Your deformed face doesn’t look like me anymore, *******.” I lowered my bloody bat, and sat down in the nearest seat, taking a long and loud breath. I hesitated. How can I hear the song if I don’t have the mp3 player with me anymore? The music stopped. The bat wasn't bloody anymore. Sonata in B Minor. Chopin’s funeral march started.

Mimi walked over to me quickly. “Hiroki! What’s happening!?” She sounded scared, which I guess was valid, for what had just happened.

I looked back at the body. It was gone. A tap came on my shoulder. I turned to the seat next to me to see Hiroki-X. “You shouldn’t hit yourself so hard.”

He swung at me really hard but I evaded just in time, only to go tumbling into the next row of seats, across the walkway.

I frowned. “You’re not me!” He frowned. “You’re Hiroki-X!”

He scowled at my words. “I’m Hiroki!” He charged at me as angry as ever, but I still was able to dodge the strike quite easily. For some reason he kept going, and he slammed into the plane wall, knocking a large hole in the wall.
I grabbed Mimi off reflex and started to run for another cabin. “We gotta’ go!” I was kicked in the face.

The twin grabbed Mimi. “Nope, I’ll be taking her.” Mimi looked at him dreamily. He smiled at her. “You’re hotter than I thought, how about ditching this loser and comin’ with me?”

Mimi smiled. “Wow! You’re so much cooler than Hiroki! Sure!” And then they just jumped out the window together, hand in hand. Then, all of a sudden, the plane started to dive towards the ground. Next thing I knew, I was in a fireball. And I could hear the twin’s laughter everywhere, and I could see him and Mimi… and I could see the walking away from me…

Wait a minute? What the heck is this crap?

…

[Tidusauron12]

“Hiroki-Chan! Hiroki-Chan!”

I woke up in, my head phones still on. I jumped up out of my seat. “No! Don’t go with him! Don’t go!” I paused, ‘cause immediately I knew what this was… It was me standing on the plane acting like a demented freak-a-zoid. I sat down.

That piece of work was the work of my psychotic mind, my psychotic twin, the Chopin Etude, and maybe, that crazy sky. At least, that’s the conclusion I’ve reached now. But I don’t really get how it happened… or how all of the latter are related. But that’s how everything had been, crazy, unpredictable, and weird. Ever since Hiroki-X showed up. I didn’t really understand anything about it all, so the best I could do was react, and by that means, to anything. Do anything I had to, to get by.

Mimi looked at me strangely. “Hiroki-Chan… is it… does nightmares again? I nodded. She sighed. “I thought that… was… the twin in it?”

I nodded again. “…Yeah.” I was still breathing hard, and I was still out of it.

She frowned. “Oh…” She looked sad. How rare. My contemplation, I mean I never had seen her acting all sad so fast and just because of one measly thing, like a nightmare. But I guess people who are happy all the time come down in weird ways.

I reached out to her. “Hey don’t…” The plane touched down, which caught me way off guard. When the plane finally came to a stop, my feet were where my head had been, and my face was where my feet were supposed to be.

Mimi laughed. “You sure do know how to cheer a girl up, Hiroki!”

I looked at her cheaply. “Yeah?” It took me a while to get back to normal, but I made it. When I was finally straight, I noticed that the plane had parked at the terminal. “We’re in Kyoto already?”

Mimi nodded, picking up one of her bags. “Yep, we’re here, but not Kyoto, Osaka.”

I arched an eyebrow. “I thought the trip was to Kyoto?”

Yeah, but Kyoto has no airport, silly! We’re taking the train from here to get there!” I nodded. She looked at me in a way that was penetrating even through the thick shielding of the sky. “Hiroki, let’s have lots of fun here.”

I smiled, and then nodded. “Yeah. We’ll lot’s of fun, Mimi.” That was the first real smile I think I had had all day.

“Please unbuckle you seats and exit the plane now.” Everyone started to move, and rummage around, so I got up and got my bags also. It seemed like Mimi only had one bag, while I had three.

She smiled at me when we got into the corridor. “What now?” I barked.

She placed her bag in my face. “Mind another bag?”

I sighed. “Comon’ Mimi! I got like…”

“Hey dude…?” It was Aoi’s mocking chime again.

I turned to him. “What?”

“Isn’t it polite to carry your partner’s bag?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?!”

Nobu’s face came from behind Aoi’s shoulder. “Yeah, won’t a good husband carry his wife’s bags?” I arched an eyebrow. Does he always just popup behind Aoi like that?

“You idiots! I – “ Mimi pushed my back with her bag, so I had no choice but to carry them, I mean, I was holding up the line and it’s not like I wanted to carry her bag.

After getting from the airport, we took the Haruka to Kyoto. Finally, a private bus – you can bet your life that Kimil-Sensei reserved that - took us to Kyoto’s Hotel Okura. It was a very beautiful place, there were these blue rooms we got to go through that had a great view of central Kyoto, there were also some awesome looking designs on the wall… or whatever…. I guess what I’m trying to say is… the hotel was good.

[Tidusauron12]

“Didn’t you see? The color seemed to follow our plane as it went! It was even being broadcast on other networks bases like CTN!”

“Yeah! I also heard that NOAA and JM were going to send reconnaissance aircraft into the concentration of the most energy from the light! It was only in Kanagawa, where we took off in Kanto, but I’ve heard it’s occupied all of the prefectures that our plane crossed over! That’s right, 10 prefectures, and the last one being Kansai, which is where we just landed…”

I sat there in the lobby, watching the debate geeks talk about the sky, until Kimil-Sensei gave us our room numbers. She wasn’t always crazy, I mean she was nice enough to put me and Mimi in the same room, despite the fact that we were but two different genders. I guess she trusted us together.
When we started for the elevators, Mimi was busy talking with some one else, so I was surprised when someone bumped into me.

“Hey, Maramoto Hiroki-San?”

I looked at him. “You’re… Serada Maru-san? Why are you talking to me?” I was even more surprised. Serada Maru. He was one of the most popular kids in school, and I was… well, I just couldn’t stand the attention of so many at once. Why would he… oh well…

He smiled. “It’s alright, Hiroki-kun. I’m talking to you because you have a single room with Doherty Mimi-sama, on of the hottest girls in school.” He looked at her as he spoke; I looked at her too. “I know you guys have been friends for a long time, but if you really like her as much as I think, then you shouldn’t let this opportunity pass.”

My face went red. “You don’t mean get her to have s – “

His hand covered my mouth. “Of course not, No!” When he was sure I’d keep quiet, he let go. “It’s just a good time for you guys to… you know… get together, I mean, think about it, at school it’s real boring to date people, but since we got so long out here in Kyoto, it can be really romantic, don’t ya’ think? Especially with that weird colored sky thing goin’ on.”

I looked at Mimi, and wondered if the girl she was talking to was saying the same thing Maru was. “Yeah… I see ya’ point…” Maru smiled. “B-but, it’s not like that! We’re just fri – “

“Listen man, I know how it is, but come on. It’s just too obvious to hide. Just be cool about it and admit it!”

I looked at him. “Just be… cool about it?”

He nodded. “Yep, be cool about it.” He looked back at something, and then looked back at me. “Well, nice chatting with ya’, but I’m obligated to my fans.” And with that, he was gone. I watched him away, towards the large crowd of people that usually stayed around him.

I frowned. “Great. If he’s talking about this, then my relationship with Mimi has gotten too public.” I kept walking, pressing the elevator button to go up. But maybe that Ishikawa Maru guy isn’t that bad… oh well…

[Tidusauron12]

I opened the door with the card key. “Well Michan, we’re here.”

Mimi smiled. “Yeah!” I stood there, just smiling at her. I was thinking about what Maru had told me. She started to tap a foot. “Well, aren’t you going to go in?”

I stumbled into the door. “Oh yeah!”

Mimi chuckled. “You’re too silly sometimes!”

I screamed at the sudden weight that came upon my back. “Hey Michan! Give me a break! Get off of me!”

She giggled. “Not a chance, slow poke!”

“Have fun in there you two!” Aoi.

“Yeah… have a lotta’ fun married couple!” Nobu. They snickered.

I felt Mimi’s weight shift on top of me, like she turning around or something. I almost went unconscious from the pressure. “For your information, we’re gonna’ have lots of fun!” The weight shifted again. “Isn’t that right, Hiroki!?”

“U-uh… yeah… but first you gotta’ get off me… Michan… Ah!” I sounded like an imp when I spoke; I guess she weighed a little more than I thought.
Michan giggled again. “Oh… sorry Marchan!” Marchan… that just doesn’t work…

After that, I didn’t hear from the two losers, but I did see Maru when I went to close the door. He was walking down the hall way, but by himself. Maru, by himself? Wow.

Maru took a big nod at me, his long black hair flying everywhere. “Good luck, Hiroki-kun!” He had stopped for a moment, but then he just kept walking, his hands in his pocket. I frowned. He does kinda’ look cool… I guess… I closed the door.

“Hiroki-Chan! Come and look!” It was Mimi.

I nodded. “Fine, but what’s the big deal?” Putting my bags down by the door, I hadn’t even made it halfway across the hotel room when I noticed the bright, radiant colors, beaming through the room. “What da’…”

Mimi smiled. “These are the same colors from earlier! On the plane!”

Iran over to the window, beside Mimi. “No way…” I was stunned.

Mimi smiled. “It’s Twilight Eclipse…” I noticed that Mimi was hugging me, but I wasn’t thinking about that, I was thinking about the sky. “Hiroki… it’s so beautiful…”

When we had arrived at the hotel, the sky was colored but we could see the bright yellow moon and some dark blue night sky. But now it was all Colorful, the whole sky was a bright light, streaming the colors of red, orange, yellow, pink, and even blue. The moon looked like a giant Orange-red orb, floating in the sky. It was very beautiful, but it made me feel really scared.

I stepped back. “It’s like… Northern lights… but…” I had this feeling, like I was in some place I hadn’t been to before…but not like the hotel, ‘cause I hadn’t been here before… but like a entirely different planet.

Mimi held on to me even harder. “Hiroki-Chan… this light… It’s making me want to do something…”

I looked at Mimi. She was perched on my chest. I reached to touch her hair. "Michan..."

A loud crashing sound. I spun around. My eyes widened. “You!”

[Tidusauron12]

Hiroki-X. He stepped through the door, a weird look on his face. I shook my head. “W-what are you doing here?”

He chuckled. “You know… I’ve been getting these weird feelings lately…” He closed the door behind him. “Like… home… it feels like home…”

Mimi looked at him dazedly. She smiled. “I remember you… from that dream…”

My eye brows shot up. “What! You were… Michan! You were there too?” It made sense now… why she had gotten so sad on the plane.

Hiroki-X sat down on the one bed that was in the room. “Hm… Mimi-san… I think you’re really attractive…but…” The Twilight Eclipse picked up a bit more, colors pushing through the room… through everything.

Mimi’s face turned a little red. “What?” I just stood, not knowing what to do. My bat is still by the door… what if he attacks?

Hiroki-X looked at me. “Don’t worry, kid… I’m not interested in fighting right now… I’m too… homesick.” He got up. “Don’t get me wrong though…” His voice is softer than usual. “I’m still after you… I have to prove… I’m the real one.” His movements are slower than I remember…

I jumped back, closer to the window. I whispered. “Mimi… stay behind me.” She nodded. “Stay back!” He kept walking towards us. What’s he going to do!?

“Get out of my way…” He picked up his pace. I didn’t want to, but I decided it would be better to avoid conflict with the guy.

He raised his hand slowly. “Destruction!” A red light came in his hand. He ran and jumped out of the window, his hand going first. He was gone. But then I saw green light come from down… “Construction!” The shards of window he had broken were replaced, and the window was fixed. And just like that, he was gone.

I stood, looking at the window. So that’s how he did it? Like… he never was there. I remembered when he jumped from my window… how my dad said nothing was wrong with my window afterwards.

Mimi looked at me blankly. I gritted my teeth. She’s the only person I’ve ever known that came into contact with the twin! How! The dream… and again just now!”

At that moment, Mimi toppled to the floor. “Michan! Michan!” I got her into the one bed in the room, and then struggled until I got her under the covers.
Her eyes slithered open. “It’s just that sky… Hiroki… the sky… says we should… sleep.”

I looked at her unsurely, until the twilight eclipse sent another bright surge into the room. I looked up, squinting into the light. Then looked back down at Mimi. “What do you…?” She was asleep. I patted her hair softly. “Sleep good… Michan…”

I walked over to the window. The twilight eclipse had died down, but it was still taking up the entire sky, like a blanket over the earth… a blanket of life. I looked out the window, to see how the city was taking it. What does this all mean? What picture does it paint for our future? I looked at Mimi, then back to the window. “What!” Something hit my eye. I looked down to see what it was, and that time, it hit my brain. A man in a car seemed to be looking at me. The car window went up, and then the car drove off. What da’…

I shrugged it off and then went to the bed. “Well Michan… I’m tired too, so…” I yawned. “I’ll be sleeping with you.” I turned off the lights, and then climbed into the bed, all my cloths still on. I closed my eyes.

“Hiroki-Chan…”

“Huh!” She woke up?

“Good… night.”

I looked out the window for awhile, at the colors. “Yeah… good night to you too…”

A pair of panties landed on my face. “Wha…” They were wet. “You and your sex jokes!”

…

[Tidusauron12]

“I saw a boy in the window. You think that’s him?”

“Yeah right, one in a couple million.”

“It doesn’t matter. What does matter is the fact that we know the person who is the source is in this city.”

“You’re right. The JM and NOAA’s reconnaissance aircraft reported the highest concentration of energy and radiation over this city. The source is here.”

“Just what is the stuff anyways? It's starting to give me the creeps.”

“The scientists say it is a foreign substance, they cannot identify what it is. It’s made of element never observed in this solar system, let alone Earth. They call it, Anomalous Borealis.”

“Are you saying it’s… from a different planet?”

“That’s a possibility that’s not likely. Anyways, let’s stick to our job for now.”

“Yes. Our true job is to find the source. That is our first priority, and an important obligation.”

The car turned the corner, disappearing into a dark hole in the city.

[Tidusauron12]

…

“You’d better be cleaned up after this little ‘school trip’ of yours!”

“What is wrong with you Hiroki!?”

“You and your damn traps!”

“What’s happening to you!? You aren’t my son anymore…”

Dad? This in what’s in my mind right now? Why am I thinking this? Why can’t I control this? No control…

“Hiroki! You’re righting skills… and drawing skills are being ranked among the highest in this country… You won the contest!”

Mom!?

“Brother! Those this mean you’re going to grow up and be famous!?”

Magami!

“Well… son, if you have to leave the team… I understand.”

Coach!

“Kohai! Get up! Get up and fight!”

Senpai!?

LIGHT

[Tidusauron12]

III

“According to trusted sources, Anomalous Borealis, the light color in the sky, is a rare event that is happening because irregular radiation patterns from the Sun, which may explain why it is unrecognized on the Table of Elements. Rei?”

“These are the things people have to say about these weird colors!”

“It’s amazing!”

“I think it’s scary!”

“My kids say it’s cool!”

“That’s just a few things that the citizens of our city have to say.”

“Well, thank you, Rei.” Pause. “Anyways, scientist say the color has no affect on temperature, or UV indexes - in other words - this isn’t a apocalyptic event, so don’t lose any sleep over it… though scientists don’t recommend staring at the lights for long periods of time...”

I woke up lazily and uncomfortably. I felt hot and sweaty in my cloths, but there was one thing that annoyed me more than anything. There’s something on my face… what is it… I grabbed it off my face. It smelt… weird, but good. My eyes opened, but slow to the light. “Panties!” I through them off the bed. “I never took those off!?” I thought about it… Wait a minute… I don’t think I ever intended to… last night I… I looked at Mimi. She was still asleep. “I think I’m a pervert…” I looked at Mimi for a while. ”Oh well…”

A loud knock came from the door. “Wake up time! The teacher has inculcated me to leave instruction slips on the door! Get them as soon as you can!” The voice was pretty easy to know. It was Akimari Kouza, Kimil’s apprentice, better picked on as teacher’s pet or maybe Kimil’s Servant. I heard his feet pound to the next door, and then his voice said the same thing, though it was fainter that time.

I sighed. “Guess I gotta’ go get it…man, what a pain when I’m feeling so lazy… oh well…” My legs started to work, slowly. Next, my arms. Then, my whole body. Finally, I was up. After a few slow and lazy steps, I had completed the morning walk to the door. I opened it and got the note Kouza had left on the door. I recognized the teacher’s handwriting immediately… the notes were typed in different fonts and colors, and natural for her, the times on her schedule were in bigger font than anything else. I frowned. “Her and all those freaking scenarios…”

I took the sheet with me, and sat on the edge of the bed. #1… Wake up when you want, but be downstairs by 6:00! I looked at the clock. 5:45! “WHAT!” I looked back at the paper. I told you last night! NO complaints!!! (PS, anyone who is late will have to face me, personally!)

[Tidusauron12]

I stuffed the paper in my pocket. “Michan! Get up!” She didn’t move. “Michan!” The clock switched to 5:46. “MICHAN!” I grabbed my pillow. “Wake up!” I struck her. “Now!” I struck her again. Finally, she woke up.

“What is it Hir-“The pillow punched her right in the face, sending her flying out of the bed, and smashing into the wall. At that moment, I remembered when my trap had hit my sister in the face.

I paused for a second. “Michan!”

Mimi got up really fast. “Hiroki! Why’d you do that!?” It’s not the same… it’s not the same…

I looked at her blankly. “Uh…” Right! Kimil-Sensei! “Listen! Michan, we’ve got to…” A pillow cut me off as it slashed into my face, knocking me off the bed, to the floor. I screamed, but that didn’t last for long because Mimi covered me and my mouth with a barrage of pillow jabs. “Listen!” BAM! “Michan!” BAM! “MICHAN STOP!” I grabbed the next pillow she tried to hit me with.
She smiled at me mischievously. “Come on, don’t be a sore loser about it. I mean you did start it.”

The clocked said 5:47. “Listen, unless you want to be chewed out by Kimil-Sensei, we should get ready now!”

She stopped. “Huh?”

“We’ve got until 6:00 to get downstairs!”

She looked at the clock. “Why didn’t you tell me?!” Quickly, she ran to her bags.

“I tried! But…” She bent over. For some reason this was the first time I’d noticed she didn’t have any panties on. “Argh! Michan! Get some cloths on!” I could feel my face burning.

“What do you think I’m doing!?” She dug out a pair of panties, and quickly put them on. She looked at me. “What are you doing Hiroki? Get ready! Now!”

I flinched. “Yeah… right!” I ran over to my bags. We forgot to unpack!

I looked at Mimi, and she looked at me. “BATH!” We both said it at the same time. I ran into the bathroom, turning on the bath water as fast as I could. I pulled the shower lever, and pulled the ‘warm’ knob to the left. Lefty loosy… Hey, everyone doesn’t know left from right so clearly, alright!?
I pulled my cloths off as fast as I could, and Mimi did too. I jumped into the shower. Mimi did too. “W-what are you doing!”

She smiled at me. “Showering silly!”

I moved to the corner of the tub. “In here with me!? At the same time… Naked!!!?”

“We have no other choice!”

I looked at my feet, afraid to look up. This is awkward… but I guess we gotta’ do it, so…

Mimi’s feet shivered. “Why is it so cold?” I still stared at the ground, not daring to look up. “Hiroki, turn up the temperature!” I didn’t move. “Turn it up!” I still didn’t.

She slapped me. “Ouch! Why’d you hit me!?” I moved, but only back into the wall, because of the impact.

“I’m cold! Turn up the heat!” I got slapped a few more times before I finally turned the shower off. “Hey! What’s the big idea!?”

I looked at her ankles now, with a negative face. “You know you were just trying to do your little sex-jokes! Besides, it’s got to be practically six already anyways!”

Her legs spread out at my words. “Six! Hiroki-Chan!?”

[Tidusauron12]

We walked into the lobby. At first, everything seemed normal, like we had made it or something. On the way out of the room we didn’t even look at the clock, we just went as fast as we could to get downstairs.

“Maramoto Hiroki-san! Doherty Mimi-san!” No! Please…

I stopped in my tracks. Aw crap… Kimil seemed to appear out of nowhere.
Mimi looked at her nicely. “Good morning, Asakawa-Sensei!” I frowned. Why me! Danggit!

She flung a digital clock right in my face. “What time was it when you walked threw that door!?” Does she always have to snatch stuff in my face? Man…
I looked at the clock. It said it was 6:01. “Uh… 6:00 ma’am.” Why’d I have to get caught…?

She eyes expanded. “NO! It’s 6:00:01!”

I threw my backpack to the ground. “Oh comon’! That’s one second from 6! Are you really gonna’ punish both of us for being a second late!?” Is this woman crazy!?

She arched an eyebrow. “What do you mean both of you? I was watching, and Mimi-san arrived exactly at 6:00:59!” Her body started to look stressed and old.

I looked at the clock on the wall. “Well, that clock said it was six, the one on the wall…” I looked at her, she growled back. “Maybe, it’s more accurate?” She’d done it, she’d completed the damned transformation… she was now at full-blown Kim Jong-il form. All of a sudden, my body began to quake with fear.

I raised one cowardly finger. “Please… don’t hurt me…” I got chewed out.

[Tidusauron12]

I sat down at the breakfast table, looking at my plate boringly. Maru sat down next to me. “Hey man, what’s up…”

I looked at him stubbornly. “What do you think? Jong just took a big chomp outta’ me for being one friggin’ second late to the friggin’ lobby…” I let my lips stick out to show him I was pissed.

He smiled weakly. “Comon’ man, don’t let da’ man get you down…” He chuckled.

I laughed too. I guess it wasn’t that bad… “Heh, da man, good one…” I was still feeling crappy, so I kept my eyes intent on the food.

Maru ate a piece of toast that was on his plate. “At least eat man; we’ve got a busy day ahead of us…” He elbowed me; I guess he meant for the elbow to be playfull, but it kinda’ hurt. “Especially you eh?” He pointed at Mimi, who was choosing from the buffet trays.

I watched at Mimi pick up some okonomiyaki flavors. “I don’t know man I just don’t…”

Maru sighed. “Comon’ man! Just remember what I said to you… be cool about it…” He got up. “Just remember, if you don’t make a move, I’ll make mine first.” He walked away, back to the mountain of kids who were standing around his table. Before he was enveloped by all the kids, he nodded his head again at me, letting all of his hair fly all over the place.

His last words sorta’ scared me, like a warning, or maybe a threat or something. He’s so cool… I picked a fork up and grabbed a chicken sausage from the grill at the center of the table. The sausage fell to the floor. I looked at the fork negatively. “I hate forks…” I put the fork back on the table and just sat.

Mimi sat down with two okonomiyaki cakes. She smiled at me. “I’m so hungry!”

I frowned. “Is that all you ever eat?” Seriously, she got that everywhere it was served.

“Oh comon’! Its whatcha’ like grilled!” I sighed. At least her mantras are better than Aoi’s.

I looked at the flavors she’d brought. “What… flavor combination are you gonna’ eat?”

She showed me a few bags of ingredients. “You know… my favorite! Cheesy-Shrimp flavor!” I looked at the bags.

I sighed again. “As usual, you’re using the strangest seasons…”

She ripped open a bag of greens. “It’s all they have here! Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables! It’s not my fault!” She cooked both at the same time, which surprised me. The two cakes ended up fusing together and becoming a giant blob.

My eyes closed at the hideous appearance of the beast. “How are you gonna’ eat that!”

She looked at it curiously. “Well… with… you help of course!”

“Tch, that’s not likely.” I looked away, at the sausage on the floor. I'd rather that sausage first.

Mimi frowned. “Hiroki-Chan!” She began to cry.

I reached to her. “Ok, ok.... just, stop crying.”

She nodded happily. “OK!” She picked up a piece of cake with her chopsticks and extended it towards me.

I picked up my chopsticks. “Wait! Wait a minute!”

She looked at me blankly. “What, Hiroki-Chan?”

“It is not proper to transfer food items between chopsticks.” I crossed my arms, my lips pouting out.

Her face wrinkled up. “Huh?”

I pointed at Kimil, who was busy running around, doing something. “Don’t you remember the lessons from school? I mean didn’t your parents teach you anything about proper etiquette?”

She giggled. “No way!” She threw the chunk of deformed cake at me.

I flinched. “Ah!” I ended up with my face to the ground, and burning hot okonomiyaki on my back. I rolled around trying to get the heat off my back, all the while screaming. Mimi giggled.

Kimil ran over to me, and when I stopped rolling around and screaming, I looked right into her eyes. “Oh! Teacher!” I got chewed out again.
…

[Tidusauron12]

Mimi smiled at me. “You see, that okonomiyaki wasn’t that bad, was it?”
We stood outside the hotel, waiting for the bus to come and pick us up. I noticed Aoi and Nobu behind me. Wonder those two idiots are doing. I looked at them negatively.

Aoi looked at the list Kimil had given out. “Oh yeah dude! Let’s see what places we’re checkin’ out today!” He looked at the list. “First we’re gonna’ head out and spend the day at the pure water temple!”

Nobu jumped up in down. “Kiyomizu-dera! Kiyomizu-dera! Kiyomizu-dera!”
Aoi laughed. “Yep. Then, we’re gonna’ head back home and rest for a few hours, and visit… the festival grounds for Daimonji-yaki!”

Nobu stopped jumping. “Hm? Don’t you mean Gozan no Okuribi!?”

Aoi sighed. “Only losers call it that, Nobu-kun!”

Nobu frowned. “I’m no loser! But I definitely know what I’m talking about! My mom said so herself that that’s what it’s called!”

Aoi raised a fist. “First off, you don’t even know anything! If it wasn’t for me, you’d be known as one of the baka-saka of something! Without me you’d be a complete loser! You got that!”

Nobu looked away. “Gozan!”

Aoi’s turned red. “Daimonji!”

“Gozan!”

“Dai!”

“Go!”

“Dai times 50!”

I turned back around. Man, how sad can they get?

I looked over at Kimil. “How dare you refer to me as that?! You speak properly when talking to me! You little…” Azu was being chewed out for talkin’ slang in front of Kimil again…

I looked at the sky. The color had faded since last night, but it was definitely still there. I looked into it deeply, like maybe, I don’t know I was trying to look through and see what was on the other side. I started to feel good for some reason, like something big was about to happen, something that I might like a lot. All of a sudden, a giant spike of color smashed down from the sky and hit me on the forehead. “Aw!” I fell to the ground, my hands on my forehead. “What da’!...”

When I got up, no one had even noticed. I looked at Mimi, she was just standing there, eating her left over cake. I looked at Maru. He was surrounded by his peeps, Nobu and Maru were at it. I looked back at the sky. What just happened? Did no one see that?

Kimil looked at her arm watch. “In 6:45! Where is that bus! It was supposed to be here at 6:40!” She looked at Kouza, who was kneeling on the ground next to her with a portable laptop in his lap. “What’s the meaning of this, Kouza-kun!”

Kouza fumbled with his laptop. “Oh! M-ma’am!” The bus scheduled is backed up because of multiple automobile accidents in the vicinity of the city. Local news reports say it’s probably from the glare of the Anomalous Borealis!”
Kimil sighed. “Well, when it be here!”

“About 6:55 ma’am, according to my calculations of the backup!”
The teacher placed her hand on Kouza’s head, with a violent roar. “This sky is altering my scenario!”

I sighed. “Why is this world so full of people with strange ways and habits…” I smiled to myself. Wait a minute, I’m one of those people… I felt my head. "Still... what was that...? Oh well..."

Finally the bus showed up. When the doors opened, Kimil smiled at the driver. “I know about the traffic issue, so it’s OK that you were 10 minutes and 32 seconds late!” The driver arched an eyebrow. She turned around. “Alright! Everyone onto the bus! I reserved this whole thing just for us!” Everyone filed on, one by one.

At first I thought the bus driver had let go what Kimil had said, but when I walked by, I think that I know I heard him mutter “…little *****…” to himself as I walked by.

Soon we were ready to go, and the bus took off… into a wall of traffic. I sighed. Oh, comon’.

Kimil screamed at the bus driver. “Isn’t there some way to go around this!?”
The bus driver looked her in the eye. “Look lady, I know all the shortcuts in this city, and that ain’t many, and I’m pullin’ my best around here! So give me a break wouldja’!”

For once, I couldn’t agree more with what Kimil was saying, I mean, she was saying everything I wanted to say in my mind… I sighed. “Well, we’re gonna’ be late…” I took out my head phones, switched on my mp3 player, and went to Chopin’s Op.9 Nocturne, No.2 in E-flat Major. It’s classical, but it puts me to sleep, which is what I wanted. I put my second pair on Mimi’s head. Then, I went to sleep.

[Tidusauron12]

…

“Yes sir. Yes. Okay. I understand.” A clapping sound.

“Well, what news do they have this time?”

“Hopefully something useful this time.”

“The source, he has been found.”

“Hm, I glad it’s a guy; I’d be a monster to attack girl. Did they get a lock on his location?”

“Yes, he is a few blocks away from the Okura Hotel. Apparently, he just left there.”

“Hm? Maybe it was that kid I saw last night? Told ya’!”

“Heh, that’s still not likely.”

“Hey, they now what he looks like?”

“No. They tried to gain optical data on him, via the satellites that orbit in space, but interference from the Anomalous Borealis clamped out any chances of that haven.”

“It doesn’t matter. That’s why we’re here.”

“According to a few eyewitness accounts at the local police station, a blot of lightning that was the color of a rainbow came down atop a local bus that was about to depart from the hotel.”

“We got an ID for which bus?”

“Yes. It was bus D28.”

“Well then, what are we sitting around here for? Let’s go!”

The car sped off out of darkness, and into the city’s light.

…

[Tidusauron12]

The piece was over. Without the music I didn’t really need to sleep, so I sat up. Mimi was awake, looking at me strangely. I looked at her negatively. “What!?” She chuckled. I got even more frustrated. “What is it?”

Now she wasn’t laughing anymore, she was just looking at me blankly, like I had just did something wrong. “Hiroki…” She looked down at her hands. “You’ve been acting weird lately… scary.” What? I’ve been acting scary? What about you! Like you don’t rem… Wait… why am I acting so defensively? What is wrong with me? Now I was just confused. Why am I so cranky? We sat; no sound at all. No one said anything, except everyone around us, which I guess means we were the only two not speaking, so there was alot of sound.

“If you look out of the left window, you’ll see the University of Kyoto, where the great scholar Yukawa Hideki-Sama took his rise, as a lecturer and scientist. He was the first Japanese to be awarded the Nobel Peace prize, and…”

I could hear all these things I didn’t want to hear. They interfered with what I was thinking. What am I thinking? I can’t get my center! I’m too unorganized!

“It’s Daimonji-yaki!”

“No way! It’s Gozan no Okuribi!”

Paint a picture in my head! Paint a picture in my head… it’s the world I live in! I looked at Mimi, not able to hardly control myself. “Michan… I’m… sorry!” I started coughing and stuff, and breathing really hard. It felt like I’d just run the mile in three minutes. Then, my head started to hurt, like something had hit it real hard. I rubbed my hands through my hair, my hair that felt like it was on fire, and then looked at them. My hands… were covered with twilight eclipse. My eyes widened. “What the hell!?” I started throwing my head around, into the window, into the side of the seat, anywhere. “My hair is on fire! Help! It burns!” I screamed. “No!” It stopped. I stopped. I was bewildered, like a kid frozen in the middle of a violent seizure. My body was all crooked and bent into shapes that at the time didn’t seem possible to me, and my hands were all over my hair, outstretched in it. Everyone one was looking at me, and they looked alarmed. I stood up straight and normal, walked back over to Mimi, and sat down.

Mimi looked at me, blankly. Finally, everyone started laughing at me, which I had expected. Great, now I look like a loser. Luckily, Kimil was still bugging the driver, so she missed out on a perfect opportunity to chew me to pieces.

Hands grabbed me. “Hiroki-Chan, if that was your way of apologizing, then I accept.” She giggled. She was hugging me again. My face again turned red.
Maru looked at me from across the bus. He smiled, and gave me a thumbs up. I nodded back, and then slowly, placed my hands around her back, and then, we were both hugging, so I guess, it was a full hug. My face might have been buried into Mimi’s sweater, but I was still smiling.

That might have been a really happy time, but it wasn’t the first time we’d hugged. The fact is, it was the first time we’d hugged since Hiroki-X showed, which was two years ago. Sometimes, I wonder how me and Mimi would be if he had never showed up… Oh well…

The hug broke off after about a minute, and by then, everyone was looking at us, but I didn’t really care, because something else was bothering me, and I thought I knew what it was, but I didn’t.

Mimi smiled at me. “That’s the first time in a few years… Hiroki-Chan…” I looked at my hands, I was afraid to ask. “Maybe… you aren’t as different as I thought. Maybe you’re just preoccupied with something…” I have to ask!

I closed my eyes. “Mimi!” I was still looking down.

“Huh? What is it Hiroki?”

“Do you like him better?”

“What? Who!”

“The guy from last night! The guy from the dream?”

She didn’t reply. I looked up at her. She was looking at me deeply, like she was trying to find the hidden secrets in some good baroque painting. I looked at her too, consequently, trying my best to show her what I meant by my face. Finally, her hand reached out, and touched me on my face. “No, of course not silly…” Her voice was more wondering-like, and softer than usual. “I don’t even know him… but you… I do know.” She smiled. “So, no. I definitely like you better! Besides, it’s fun to just play with you!” Her hand ran down my chest, towards my navel.

I broke away from her reach. “Mimi!” Suddenly I was looking at her negatively. Those sex like jokes of hers!

She giggled. “See what I mean?”

[Tidusauron12]

Finally, the bus reached the outskirts of the town, the scenery turned from buildings and people to hills, woods and animals. I smiled at the view. I wish I could rip out some paper and do a canvas! I laughed, but then looked at the bat that lay on the floor. I guess that part of my life is over. I wasn't smiling anymore.

Mimi was listening to my mp3. “Ride on Shooting Star!” She cried.
I shook my head, still grinning. She can sing better than Aoi that’s for sure, but still, it’s not much of an upgrade. I looked back out the window. I’ll never do another canvas. Never do anything artistic again… not after what I did. The bus came to a complete stop. I looked up at Mimi. “Some times you don’t want it!” She cried.

I looked at her negatively. “Gosh Michan, we got here already!” Man, I need to work on my language habit, if Kimil had heard that she woulda’… I mean would’ve chewed me out for sure.

Mimi nodded. “Ok!” She handed me the Mp3 player, and picked up her backpack. “Let’s go!”

I picked up my back pack and put it on. I made sure the bat was secure inside it, of course. We walked out the bus in orderly fashion, Kimil first. As I exited I heard the bus driver behind me, he was talking to himself again. “Oh man, thank you!” I chuckled. He’s gotta’ be happy.

I looked up at the sky. The twilight eclipse was still there, but the gray misty sky was a lot more noticeable, so the colors were hard to see in the sky. I looked at the city that was in the distance. It looked like a ray of sun that was the color of a rainbow was shining down on the city. It gleamed in the twilight eclipse. “Man…”

“Yeah, it’s cool, isn’t it?” I looked at the voice. It as Maru, standing beside me. His eyes were glued to the city. He raised his hands, and formed a square with them, which I guess put the city in a boxed view, from his perspective. “Hiroki-Kun… you’re supposed to be a master artist, right?” My eyes widened. “...Do you think you can whip up a good picture of this? I mean… it's really cool lookin’… and, beautiful and stuff like that…” He smiled at me.

I looked down at the ground, frowning. “I… don’t draw anymore…” I felt bad.
I had never had to say that to anyone before, that was the first time. So it was really sickening. I guess I never really thought about it.

Maru looked at me, surprise in his face. “You stopped? Oh… that’s… cool.” He walked away. “It’s a shame though…”

I watched him go. “Maru…” He disappeared into the crowd of people, as always. This time, he didn't nod his head. “Sorry…” And then all sorts of stuff started flowing through me. Maybe I shouldn’t have quit… No! I had too! But… Inside I screamed loud enough for the sound to almost go outside my body.

Kimil walked over to a rock, and stood on top of it. “OK! Listen up, class!” I jerked out of my day dream. “We’re going to take Ninnen-Zaka & Sannen-Zaka walkways. On the way, you may stop at the shops along the way if you like, but that’s only if you have money. I will not accept begging; it gives our school a bad name!”

Some kid sucked his teeth. “Oh please, like anyone cares about our friggin’ school out here.” Some kids laughed.

Kimil continued. “If we need to stop for any reason, just inform me. And remember, stay close together! Every ten minutes I’ll stop the group to do a group check!” She turned away from us, facing the steep slope of the mountain. “Let’s go! Forward March!”

Maru raised his hand. “Arakawa-Sensei! Will we have to carry food that we buy at the shops?”

Kimil smiled. “Good question, Maru-Kun! Yes and no. We will take two stops. On in Nizaka, and one in Sanzaka. I suggest that you eat anything you don’t want to carry before break time ends!” Kimil did a head count, and then the walk started.

She turned back to the mountain. “Now! Forward March!”

[Tidusauron12]

I looked at the sky; I could still feel the twin, watching me, killing me with his eyes. My bat was at hand. Just in case he attacked, I was ready.

Aoi and Nobu walked in front of me. “Ok Nobu, I call a truce on what the name of the festival really is, I mean, our beliefs can’t break a duo as strong as ours!”

Nobu nodded. “Ok, Aoi-Kun!”

Aoi smiled. “All right! The cool guys are back together!”

Nobu nodded again. “Yep-Yep!”

I looked at every cliff and every neck of wilderness I saw. I whispered to myself. “This is where we first met… I’ll take you down here! Just bring it!”

Mimi laughed at me. “What are you doing?! You look like a little foxie!”

I jerked at her voice. “Michan! Uh…” I noticed the group had gained a little distance from us. “Oh… Michan!”

She looked. “We’d better catch up, huh?”

I nodded, with a nervous chuckle. “Yeah…” I felt weird, intense. The woods moved. I stopped dead in my tracks. “Michan! Get down! Something’s coming!”

She turned around. “Huh?” It was too late. The beast jumped at her.

I screamed. “Michan!” It was a rabbit. It kept hopping, and it was gone.

She looked at me blankly. “Hiroki-Chan… let’s catch up...” She ran ahead, to catch up with the group. I looked at the woods, and then followed.

[Tidusauron12]

It took a while, but we finally reached Kiyomizu-dera after the long walk. The entire walk I hadn’t been able to calm down. I was scared, well, more than usual, and the reason for that was a good one. I walked through the place feeling a little more secure. He probably won’t attack in this place, with all of these people… but he did attack when Mimi was there… My stomach started to twist so I stopped thinking so much.

Maru walked up to the teacher. “Arakawa-Sensei, may we go and drank from Otowa-wa-taki?”

Kimil nodded. “Yes! But make sure not to run!”

Maru bowed. “Thank you.” He waved towards me and Mimi. “Come on! Mimi-san! Hiroki-Kun!”

Mimi followed after him. “Come on, Hiroki-Chan!”

I nodded. “Yeah…”

We walked beside Maru and some girl. It took me a while to notice it was the same girl who was talking to Mimi when we first made it to the hotel. Around us was a large mass of people. So… this is what it’s like for Maru.

Mimi waved at the girl. “Suzuki-Chan!”

The girl nodded back. “Hey, Mimi.” Her voice was deep.

Maru put his hand up. “Stop!” The group orbiting around us stopped. He walked towards the wall that was built around us. “Part!” The people moved, opening the wall. He looked back at us. “Come on guys, check it out!” We followed him outside the wall. To my surprise we were on a pier like thing; it’s not like I could actually see where we were going inside of that group of people.

I pointed. “What is this?” In front of us was the pure water falls.

Maru smiled. “It’s the Sound of Feathers Waterfall.”

Mimi pointed at some people. “Look! Down there!” Everyone looked. “Why are does people drinking it?” There were people drinking the water from the falls.

Suzuki looked at the ground. “Mimi, the legends say that the water falls have the pure water running through out them. The water is supposed to prevent illness, so lots of people drank it.”

“Wow! Let’s go get some!”

Maru nodded. “Yeah, that was my plan. It’ll be fun!” He walked back over to the fanbarrier.

His hand rose. “Open!” The fanbarrier opened up. “Let’s go guys.”

I looked at the people who formed the fanbarrier. “What da’ heck?”

Suzuki walked over to me. “The people who form the fanbarrier are losers who believe too much in the popularity system, so they worship the people who are considered the most popular in school. It’s really sad, but currently me and Maru-Sama are the most popular around here, so I don’t really mind it much.” She smiled. “The lowlifes even do our homework.” She walked into the barrier. I watched her as she disappeared into the people. What was on my mind about her was weird.

Mimi pushed me. “Hurry up, Hiroki-Chan, I wanna’ go drank the water!”

“Michan!” She pushed me into the fanbarrier.

Maru raised his hand. “Go!” The barrier started to move forward.

I looked around the barrier. One of the barrier girls caught my eye, and I guess I caught hers too. For a second, we were looking right at each other. She looked away really fast. I tried to smile. “Hey… uh… yeah…”

Suzuki looked at me emptily. “You can’t get anything out of them, they’re trained not to speak or look at the inhabitants of the barrier, unless they want to be fired. Trained? What da’ heck? Suzuki looked at the girl. “Hikari!” The girl looked at Suzuki with a frightened look on her face. “You’re fired; for looking at him. Now make quick and leave, I don’t ever want to see you around here again.” The fanbarrier stopped. Hikari left. The barrier started to move again.

Maru turned to Suzuki. “Well, looks like we’ll just have to replace her when we get back to the rest of the class.”

Suzuki nodded. “Yeah, and that’s really too bad. I kinda’ liked Hikari… But I guess good old Hiroki here was too attractive to her.”

I turned red. “Me? Attractive?” I chirped a little. “No need to be nice.”
She arched an eye brow. “What? You shouldn’t be so unconfident to yourself; you’ll never have good connections with people if you can’t even connect with yourself.” I looked at her unsurely. If I don’t connect… with myself?

Maru nodded, his hair flaring out everywhere. “Right.” He smiled. “Alright, stop! Barrier, open!”

[Tidusauron12]

We walked outside the fanbarrier. I saw a lot of people standing with cups, and getting the water. I didn’t recognize the people.

Maru smiled at them. “Tourists, most likely American.” Maru jogged over to one of the tourist, who seemed to be around our ages. He smiled at her, waving cheerfully. “Hello.” He said.

She smiled back. “Hello.”

Maru picked up a cup, filled it with the water and drank it. He got another cup and handed it to the girl. “Here.” She grabbed it. “Thank you…” A man walked over to them, also a tourist. When Maru saw the man, he smiled at him too, waving cheerfully. The man chuckled, laughing loudly. I looked at enviously. Man, he’s so cool…

Suzuki walked over, and grabbed a cup. “Comon’ guys.”

Mimi ran over and grabbed a cup. “Give me some!”

Suzuki sucked her teeth. “What am I, your maid?” She smiled it Mimi smartly.
Mimi giggled. ‘You’re really funny, ya’ know!” Mimi got some of the water, and drained it really fast. “More!”

I was last. I picked a cup slowly, and got some of the water out of the flowing river. I looked into the cup. “So this is the water of the feathers… the pure water.” I drank it slowly at first, thinking of all the bacteria in it and stuff, but then I decided to just drink it.

“Hey, Hiroki-Kun!” It was Maru.

“Yeah… what is it?”

He smiled. “It ok dude…” He looked at the river. “I just have one question to ask.”

I nodded. “What is it?”

He took a sip from his drank. “Why’d you stop painting?”

I froze. It felt like the time my mom had found me looking at porn in my room.

I was embarrassed to even talk about it. I decided to come clean. “Actually…
I stopped writing… and drawing… and everything…”

“What?”

I looked at the ground. “I know… sorry.”

“No, no, it’s cool… but why?” I looked at him sadly. He looked at me deeply.

Why is everyone looking at me like that? Like I’m in some hard to see a portrait… “I did something really stupid… something that I won’t ever tell you… so… if you’re a real friend… you won’t ask.” I walked away. I didn't really know where I was walking to, but... I was just walking. After hangin’ out for a while, Maru said we should head back.

I nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.” Maru waved good-bye to the tourist girl and her dad, and then he ran into the fanbarrier behind us.

“Let’s go!” On the way back to the rest of the class, I noticed a large hall.

I pointed. “Where does that lead?” Maru stopped.

He looked at it as if he was trying to remember what it was. “Oh, that place is cool! We should go hang out there.”

“Yeah, but what is it?”

Maru ran through the barrier, surprising the kids who made it. “You’ll see! Comon’!”

Mimi immediately ran after him. “Guys… wait!”

Suzuki shrugged at me. “Hey, that’s the way they are.” She started walking. “You coming?”

I nodded. “Yeah…”

As we walked, me and Suzuki, I noticed that I didn’t really know her as we walked, so it was silent. It started to get really awkward the farther down the path we went. Finally, I came up with something to say. “Hey, where’s the fan barrier?”

She didn’t look at me. “Oh, they’re somewhere behind. When ever Maru-Sama runs ahead like that, they know that he doesn’t want them around, so they stay back for a while.”

I looked at her, a weird smile on my face. “Oh… ok.”

She looked at me strangely. “Hey… you ok?”

I looked away, really fast. “Yeah! Um… yeah…”

She laughed softly. “Oh gosh, don’t tell me… you’re attracted to me?”

I looked at her frantically. “No! Comon’! I just… I’m not used to being around so many… friends… at once.” I looked at the ground, I guess I was sorta’ sad, or whatever.

She laughed, loud this time. “You’re pretty amusing, but you should just keep your mouth closed for now. I’m learning too much about you now; that usually get girls unattached to you.”

I was pretty shocked. She was a lot… older than she was. But all I was thinking was how much she scared me right then. But there were scarier things to think about also, that’s for sure. After that, we were just walking down the hall by, not talking.

I looked back. “Man, how long is this hallway?”

“Don’t worry, you can just call this the end; well, at least it is… for you Youngman.”

“Suzuki?” I looked at her weirdly. But it wasn’t her, it was someone else. Suzuki was staring at something. I followed her stare to a woman in a black suit, with black shades. Her hair was dyed pink, but it wasn’t really that long.

[Tidusauron12]

Hey guys. I just deleted over 40 pages of prose... for the sake of saving my fiction. It's not right... The image got demented. I'm going to change everything.